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AIBU?

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Original poster

She stole my name!

293 replies

tepidtulip · 22/01/2017 17:05

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

OP posts:
AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 22/01/2017 17:46

She's obviously done this on purpose to upset you, very sneaky asking you the name for 'embroidery' purposes.

Name your DS Toby anyway, she'll just look unhinged when you tell people the story.

RockyBird · 22/01/2017 17:47

Call dog Toby Muttly every time you refer to him, or Bawjaws or Stinky.

Your SIL is mean. My mother used my boys name for her dog. She's a twat too.

Shurelyshomemistake · 22/01/2017 17:48

Oh dear, what a silly thing for your sister in law to have done. Any sentient normal human will realise why, seeing right through it, and think lesser of her or worse maybe, pity her.

TheCustomaryMethod · 22/01/2017 17:49

I don't think choosing a name gives you the right to expect no one else in your circle to use it for their child or pet. She's just as entitled to use it as you are. YABU

twattymctwatterson · 22/01/2017 17:49

Don't let her see you're upset over it again. Tell everyone the story, if front of her if possible in a giggly eyerolly "what's she like?" kind of way. Please don't be upset, she's to be pitied

ChocolateWombat · 22/01/2017 17:49

Like Possums response!

First of all, don't let this ruin your relationship with her....dont sink to pettiness and revenge or to ignoring her etc. Just rise above it.

Call your child whatever you like. Most people he meets will never know there is a dog called Toby. Most people in the family will think of your DC far more often than her dog and the name will quickly be that of the child, not the dog in people's minds. When they hear 'toby' they will think of your Ds because people think of people before dogs.

Don't make it into a big thing. In a dignified and calm way, simply say you will go ahead and use the name you chose. Say no more. Don't respond or engage any further on the topic. It's quite likely that the dogs name will be changed but if not, as I say above people think about people not dogs and most people your little Toby meets will have never heard of the dog!

c3pu · 22/01/2017 17:50

Rule #1 of pregnancy: don't tell anyone anything, ever. Especially not any names you might have chosen.

In any case, stick with Toby. Dog will be dead before you know it.

Marley45 · 22/01/2017 17:51

She sounds like a bitch.

Still call your baby Toby though. It'll soon become his name and not the dog's. And Realistically how much are you going to see of her dog?

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 22/01/2017 17:52

My dog and my Great niece have the same name. A total coincidence, we got the puppy a few days before the baby was born and both were named before we knew what name each had chosen. It hasn't been a problem during conversations its quite obvious if we are referring to a dog or a child, on the odd occasion when the two have met great niece loves having a dog with the same name.

Gideonsangel123 · 22/01/2017 17:52

My son has the same name as my nephew, he doesn't care and nor do I , buy a rat and call it after her.

HappyFlappy · 22/01/2017 17:53

Hardly surprising that the puppy is her baby as she is obviously a b*tch!

Had I been her, even if Toby had been the name I'd planned for my dog for years I wold have picked a different one. However she didn't, so you have to decide whether to call your baby that or not. (i assume baby is definitely a boy.)

I would just use my chosen name - if anyone comments tell them the story and say - "She couldn't think of an original name so just used ours!" (Your turn for a tinkly laugh.)

Or say when you heard her shouting for the dog you realised what a crap name it was so you decided on Oliver (or whatever) instead.

As she says - no-one owns a name, but it is a twattish thing to do.

paxillin · 22/01/2017 17:53

Maybe tell her you were going to call your DS Finn and watch her re-name the dog. Toby is then free again.

HappyFlappy · 22/01/2017 17:54

buy a rat and call it after her.

I was thinking along similar lines Angel, but maybe a scorpion? Grin

tenterden · 22/01/2017 17:54

Sorry but you are being a bit precious.

Obviously with raging hormones you are allowed to be, but it just isn't important enough in the grand scheme of things to get worked up over is it?

ChuffChu · 22/01/2017 17:56

She's batshit but sadly nothing you can do about it. Unless...

You give sil and her dog new names.

How about Fuckface and Furryface? Grin

elvis86 · 22/01/2017 17:56

I don't think choosing a name gives you the right to expect no one else in your circle to use it for their child or pet. She's just as entitled to use it as you are. YABU

TheCustomaryMethod, seriously? Are you the SIL? Grin

Weirdo.

EssentialHummus · 22/01/2017 17:57

She is clearly jealous of you, and acting out. YY to using the name anyway - just carry on with your life, and let her enjoy her baby substitute.

Carnabyqueen · 22/01/2017 17:58

My daughter shares the same name as my brothers cat. She had it first. A bit weird but so what? It wasn't YOUR name. It's just a name. Does it really matter so much? People can be so precious over their unborn child's prospective name.

Carnabyqueen · 22/01/2017 17:59

You're not really going to call him Toby are you? Awful and wet sounding. It suits a dog better than a boy.

ohfourfoxache · 22/01/2017 17:59

She's a spiteful twat. But don't let it stop you from using the name you want- sadly the dog won't be around forever and if anyone asks why they have the same name then you can tell them the truth.

What is DH's take on this?

paxillin · 22/01/2017 18:00

Maybe she is hoping to do lot of babysitting for you, so both her charges will come running when she shouts "TOBY"?

EatsShitAndLeaves · 22/01/2017 18:00

Keep the name, ditch the bitchy SIL

specialsubject · 22/01/2017 18:01

cannot get why this is an issue.

call the baby Toby. He will be one of millions with the same name.

tricornel · 22/01/2017 18:01

'Nobody owns a name'. FUCK THAT! She's a grade A tosspot! The fact that she was so calculated in finding out the name too Angry Agree with pp though - use the name! And if anyone comments that the baby and the dog share a name - laugh out loud and tell the truth, that SIL decided in her wisdom to name the dog the name she knew you'd chosen for the baby, followed with an eye roll and and 'isn't she batshit' indicating laugh. Realistically - people who know both your baby and the dog will be few and far between anyway. And another vote for referring to the dog as The Dog. It will really piss her off

embo1 · 22/01/2017 18:02

She sounds a little unhinged...
I can imagine the conversation:
You: "Toby took his first steps today!"
Her: "Well MY Toby has been walking since he was 3 days old..."