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AIBU?

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Original poster

She stole my name!

293 replies

tepidtulip · 22/01/2017 17:05

Ok so I have name changed for this as this is probably going to be very identifying and I don't fancy people working out who am I am then finding all my previous posts. Mainly all the disgusting things I recently admitted to!

I'm pregnant and due February 22nd(!!!). My hormones are all over the place so I really don't know whether I'm over reacting or not. It took me a long time to get pregnant and during this time many of my friends had children and I was genuinely so pleased for them but also (only in private, I hope) incredibly jealous. I say this because I feel like I understand what it's like to want children and not currently have them and therefore I have tried to stay calm.

My DHs sister (my SIL) is in her late 40s and single, having broken up with a long term partner a couple of years ago. After the break-up things were understandably very difficult for her and she moved back in with my ILs. A few weeks ago we asked me what names we were thinking of for our baby as she wanted to do some embroidery and I (stupidly) told her we'd decided on Toby.

Last week I popped over to the ILs and SIL has got a new puppy that she is currently referring to as 'her baby' which I thought was sweet. He's a choc lab and absolutely gorgeous if it matters. However she's called him Tobias which obviously is being shortened to Toby!!

I'm absolutely fuming. At the time I said oh but that's our name for our baby and she did a fucking tinkling laugh and said 'oh but nobody owns a name'. I went home and absolutely bawled my eye out to DH who gave her a ring and tried to explain how we felt. She is refusing to change the dogs name and has passed on a message through our ILs that we graciously doesn't mind if we copy her baby's name but she won't be changing it.

I know nobody owns a name and I know I was so, so stupid to tell her the name early but seriously what the fuck?! Am I being irrational or is this just fucking crazy?!

OP posts:
whyohwhy000 · 22/01/2017 18:30

A bit shit of her yes but unless you copywrite a name you don't own it.

You can't "copyright" something. Anything which you created and is original is automatically copyrighted until 70 years after your death.

BreakfastAtStephanies · 22/01/2017 18:30

I would think that Toby the baby will be beautiful when he arrives and so much more exciting than the dog.

Baby trumps dog.

Attempted thunder-stealing on her part won't work. Ignore it. All being well baby should outlive dog by many decades.

reuset · 22/01/2017 18:31

I agree. Why is she calling the dog Tobias then using Toby. Over in the Baby Name section here that's what they'd call a 'birth cert' name or just in case he wants to be PM or such.

She sounds a bit spiteful. I'd use Toby if you really want. Equally, if it now has negative associations for you, go and find something else. Plenty of nice names out there.

And stop killing off the dog, people Grin Not the poor dog's fault.

strawberrypenguin · 22/01/2017 18:32

She has clearly done it to be spiteful but as it's only a dog I'd still go ahead and use it. Toby is a lovely name. For what it's worth we named DS1 the same name as a cat MIL had had for years. We loved the name so used it anyway and no one cared.

Purplefrogshoes · 22/01/2017 18:33

Dd is eight, mil got a dog 2 years ago and called her same name as DD Confused . Your sil is a bitch Cake

abbsisspartacus · 22/01/2017 18:33

Called my baby a/b bil called his baby b/a mil was all oooh we might get confused! (Bil live in another country so we have never met) she was obviously trying to stir up a family conflict as ex dh is easily riled up and they thrive on drama I commented slightly and asked who they named there child after? As my ds is named after his grandparents no-one they just liked the named oh how origional I said and changed the subject

So glad we split up the constant drama drives me mad!

Lynnm63 · 22/01/2017 18:35

She's an arse. She is in her 40's, unmarried, childless and not had a long term relationship for at least two years. You are younger, married and going to be a mum with your own home. She is jealous of you. As hard as it is don't react it'll annoy her more if you don't. I'd still call my son Toby and refer to the dog as TobyDog. Always, never ever waiver. Remember your ds will grow up, graduate and give you grandchildren tobydog will be a dog and die. I love dogs, I have three ds and a dog with a human name.
She's trying to rain on your parade, it's upset you but don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

Purplebluebird · 22/01/2017 18:38

I have a friend who is married to a Sam and have a dog called Sam (now Sammie to save confusion). It'll be fine, name your baby what you want.

Rainbunny · 22/01/2017 18:42

Ignore it and you'll be surprised how little it bothers you in no time. Annoying that she did it but remember she wouldn't have done it to mock you, she did it because she likes the name (and selfishly doesn't care about your feelings). I like Tobias more than Toby actually (sorry not relevant). The life expectancy of a labrador ia 10-14 years in any case.

I hope it's not a dog sharing the same name that's bothering you, I don't understand why some people think calling a pet a human name "devalues" the name? I had a friend who had a baby boy last year tell me she was secretly annoyed at me because my dog (we adopted him 6 years ago) had a name that she wanted to call her DS but felt she couldn't because it was being used as a dog's name, we weren't the ones who chose our dog's name in any case! It is a lovely name though so I understand why she wanted to use it for her DS :)

elvis86 · 22/01/2017 18:43

Obviously my opinion differs from yours, but just I don't understand the cause for outrage - it's a name - it's not a name she invented herself - it's not even an unusual name. There must be thousands of people, dogs, rabbits, goldfish etc. called 'Toby' and she must be well aware of that.

The OP's SIL asked what she intended to call her baby and then immediately used the name for a dog. You seriously don't see anything wrong /batshit/unhinged about that?!

IonaNE · 22/01/2017 18:46

YABU. What WyfOfBath said. You'd be U even if she'd called her son Toby. No one owns a name, there are thousands of children already called Toby.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 22/01/2017 18:46

Your ILs will love your baby far more than they'll love her dog. Don't worry about it.

watchoutformybutt · 22/01/2017 18:51

Don't sweat it. Call you baby what you want. She'll still be a slightly pathetic spiteful woman with just a dog for company. Let her crack on.

watchoutformybutt · 22/01/2017 18:51

Don't sweat it. Call you baby what you want. She'll still be a slightly pathetic spiteful woman with just a dog for company. Let her crack on.

TheCustomaryMethod · 22/01/2017 18:55

elvis86

If it had been a very unusual, obscure name, the OP might have more reason to be put out - but Toby is a very popular name, both for dogs and people. She'll be encountering other Tobies for the rest of her life. There will almost certainly be others at her son's school, and plenty of 'Oh, my dog's called Toby!' moments in the future.

Outside the family, no one her son meets is going to know (or care) what her SIL's dog is called. As others have pointed out, the dog probably won't be around by the time her son enters his teens.

The SIL has by the OP's account been through a difficult time. OP should accept this as the minor thing it is, move on and concentrate on enjoying her new baby when he arrives.

lalalalyra · 22/01/2017 19:00

That's really nasty of her. It says a lot about how she's likely to be when the baby arrives imo.

Call your baby whatever you want to call him, ignore any pathetic attempts from her to take any shine away from your happiness and she'll be the one who loses out from her meanness in the end.

Tilly35 · 22/01/2017 19:04

YANBU, she sounds like a very sad person. Call your ds Toby and the dog Tobias religiously and don't bring it up again. You'll be the bigger person. How much will you really see of the mad bint and her dog anyway?

booox · 22/01/2017 19:08

Hi op I honestly thought it was going to be your sisters baby!

My grandmother and her sister were expecting at the same time. Both had girls and both named them after the queen. I've never been aware of any animosity around it, just mild amusement.

I'd be a bit put out but dogs don't last long; your Toby will love the fact the dog has the same name as him when he's older!

user1484241585 · 22/01/2017 19:09

I think most of us have learnt the hard way never to discuss baby names with anyone other than your other half. People either a) use the name before you or b) tell you they don't like said name!!
SIL is a bit cray cray for doing that but try not to get too stressed and upset about it, in the grand scheme of things it will not matter (don't mean to sound patronising at all as I would have felt exactly the same as you). However, when you have that gorgeous little bundle of loveliness in your arms he will be the only thing that matters.

Ps. We had chosen our baby girls name but when dd arrived she just didn't suit the name at all so she was nameless for a while!! Never underestimate your baby and the curve balls they can throw at you from the second the arrive in the world!!!

RagamuffinAndFidget · 22/01/2017 19:10

She sounds like a cow OP but don't let it get to you. Call your long awaited baby whatever you want, regardless of how many dogs/cats/ferrets/parakeets/whatever have the same name.

FWIW, DS1 has the same name (but a different spelling) as a cat I had as a teenager. The cat was rarely called by his proper name though, he had several nicknames, but even if he had been I loved the name and wanted to use it for my baby. So I did!

Just concentrate on enjoying your baby and leave SIL to her weirdness.

Specialagentblond · 22/01/2017 19:10

I'd like to see if she does embroider the name for you.

Yep, insecure, jealous, competitive, petty thing to do.

Call your baby Toby, and when people ask, just repeat how she asked, then loved it soooooo much she stole it.

KC225 · 22/01/2017 19:11

I think calling her dog Toblerone is a good idea. Make a point of calling something else. I do this affectionately with MIL's dog 'hello fluffster' 'hello cutie"

She is mean for doing it but as everyone has said, living at home in your 40s no relationship for two years has clearly sent her into mental regression.

How close do you Live? Do you all mix socially - bearing in mind the dog will not be at family hatches, matches and dispatches. I think I would still go ahead with the name. Labs don't live that long but do mention that calling the dog you had chosen will be a permanent reminder for him for the rest of your sons life.

Just to add when I was growing up my best friends neighbour used to babysit for the Conrans and she named her new puppy Jasper as she thought it was a beautiful name and she had never heard it before. They non too happy and never used her again.

HappyFlappy · 22/01/2017 19:16

We had chosen our baby girls name but when dd arrived she just didn't suit the name at all so she was nameless for a while!! Never underestimate your baby and the curve balls they can throw at you from the second the arrive in the world!!!

This ^^^^^

Wallywobbles · 22/01/2017 19:17

I suspect that when the puppy starts chewing all her precious belongings and furniture you will feel better about this. Karma may well get her on this one.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 22/01/2017 19:20

I'd be annoyed. I might pettily say there was no need for her to meet the baby as she already has her own Toby.

Anyway. As a pp said, she has nothing and you have it all!

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