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Parents who just won't leave their kid a bloody lone

(188 Posts)
JackandDiane Sun 24-Apr-16 16:47:32

Please stop micro managing your teens life. Packing their bags. Interfering when they're with their pals. Fussing. Repeating yourself in boringly petty instructions.

* breathe *

Artandco Sun 24-Apr-16 16:49:28

Why? If they like it it's not a problem surely? As long as it's appriciated by said child and not ott

JackandDiane Sun 24-Apr-16 16:50:57

Kid is babied. Utterly incapable of doing stuff themselves

NNalreadyinuse Sun 24-Apr-16 16:51:09

What's it got to do with you? Not your circus...

thecatfromjapan Sun 24-Apr-16 16:52:01

Very aphoristic.

To whom was it addressed?
From what situation was it born?
How should it be understood?
What will become of it?

It's a little wolf-child post, discovered roaming in AIBU.

dustarr73 Sun 24-Apr-16 16:53:50

Op i hate this

and then they wonder said kids cant wipe their own arse.Let them breathe and grow up.

thecatfromjapan Sun 24-Apr-16 16:54:43

It works well as a poem:

Please stop micro managing your teens life.

Packing their bags.
Interfering when they're with their pals.

Repeating yourself
in boringly petty instructions.

* breathe *

Kid is babied.
Utterly incapable of doing stuff themselves

thecatfromjapan Sun 24-Apr-16 16:56:35

I like the poignany of breathe.

I like the way it's a kind of pause and a hinge: a suspended moment in which we feel the two modulations of time come together - the moment; the journey - and we are drawn into a reflection of the here and now being reflected upon from the point of view of the journey's end.


JackandDiane Sun 24-Apr-16 16:56:38

Lol at wolf child.

Can't give context. But it's so irritating to watch. No. It's not my business but this is the Internet. We do stuff like this on here smile

SofiaAmes Sun 24-Apr-16 16:57:00

Is this someone you know well? Perhaps there is a reason for the "babying."
I have a teenager with a genetic disease which results in severe medical and mental health issues. I know that lots of people think I "baby" my ds because in between illnesses he looks totally normal, but if I didn't he would not be alive. It's hard enough having to figure out the balance that will keep him alive, but help him prepare for going off into life on his own. I don't need other parents, teachers, professionals etc. judging me because my parenting doesn't look like theirs.

RandomMess Sun 24-Apr-16 16:57:10

Yeah annoys me too.

My 19 year old asked me to accompany her to uni open days - erm no, you reckon you are going to uni in October this is part of the process of showing yourself that you are ready to go!!! 19 FFS!!!!

I'll remind/recommend my dc things - it's sunny but cold so be careful you don't get sunburnt (athletics meet), take some warm stuff with you wear too. Little sympathy when they don't listen tbh...

JackandDiane Sun 24-Apr-16 16:57:16

Cat. You are REAL OLD timer aren't you? When did you join ?

JackandDiane Sun 24-Apr-16 16:57:42

No. Def no illness. Hello Sofia!!

SofiaAmes Sun 24-Apr-16 17:00:24

For example, the last time I let ds go to a dance (at a museum no less), he had so much fun dancing for 3 hours that he got sick and was bedridden (couldn't walk) for over a month and missed 5 weeks of school and is now on the edge of a bipolar episode because he's so stressed out from catching up on all the missed school work. I will have to think twice about the next dance. And all the parents will judge me for being overprotective of my ds.

gamerchick Sun 24-Apr-16 17:01:03

I do agree with you, I've told his school on more than one occasion I'm not wiping his arse for every little thing. But schools MAKE parents responsible for every little thing despite you trying to teach them to make their own way in the world. I'm not surprised it affects other areas.

SofiaAmes Sun 24-Apr-16 17:02:49 I ranting on a thread that was supposed to be lighthearted....I am having a bad week with rotten teachers and frantic ds and a dd who is more worried about her outfit than studying for her biology test ("but she put the wrong questions on the test...").

summerainbow Sun 24-Apr-16 17:04:50

One my son freinds was taken to school every day till he was 18 . Then shipped off to uni ( that he did not chose ) 100 of miles away . He returned home after the 1st year aas he couldn't cope . He still has not finished his degree or ever worked aas he is now mental ill. Does not pay to nearby your kids

Heyheyheygoodbye Sun 24-Apr-16 17:06:19

My SIL has always been babied like nobody's business and as a result she's afraid to be in the house by herself. She's 25!! She is a perfectly competent, clever young woman - she's moving out to live with friends soon thank god.

RandomMess Sun 24-Apr-16 17:09:36

Sofia that's rubbish for you, and very stressful sad

Def. nothing major wrong with my DC but my eldest has amazed me with what "babying" is normal amongst her peers and gets most put out when I won't comply with the "norm".

Asked me to book her a train ticket - so I transferred her the money into her account and told her to get on with it! Again, she is 19, 19!!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I'm a bit fed of her doing the "but your an adult" thing as if she somehow isn't!

JimmyGreavesMoustache Sun 24-Apr-16 17:09:37

dd1 told me that when her Y3 teacher had a kid say "my mum forgot to..." (pack whatever item), he would correct them to "You forgot to pack...".

I loved that man.

thecatfromjapan Sun 24-Apr-16 17:11:00

I wish I hadn't done the poem thing. I've actually depressed myself, FFS.

I'm now thinking things like: "Barbs edge into your fingertips as you gently pry/ the shining silver from your cushioning flesh./Each pull away/Brings unseen teeth to coil and bite/or spring some surprising, flailing strike."

So wish I hadn't done that. sad

Not least because I know that I am thinking in mid C20th poetic-prose. <places head in hands> I am feeling very old today.

MyLocal Sun 24-Apr-16 17:13:00

Oh I don't know, I have 2 DC, one couldn't manage anything without constant nagging and moaning and micro-managing, I got fed up with school ringing home, leaving him to it didn't help. I also confess to being a control freak and expect all standards to be the same as mine.

DC2 is a mini me, a whirlwind of organisation, nothing is forgotten , dates are imprinted on her brain without the need for a diary, needs no prompting, both brought up the same, both so different.

Rambling a bit, but just to say I read mumsnet with grown up kids and just want to say, chill, go with the flow, love them, support them, do things your way, don't stress, most of us get pretty much the same result. Happy, adjusted, independent, capable, loving adults ... I look back and think If I had to do it all again, I would be the ultimate hippy chick it's all wasted stress.

If your kid needs a kick up the arse give them one, if they don't, lucky you!

SofiaAmes Sun 24-Apr-16 17:13:30

I agree, that there are different types of babying. I might stop ds from going to a dance because he'll get sick, but I expect him to order his own add-on to his computer game with his own debit card from his own bank account that he manages. Dd has been booking her own things and buying her own stuff with her own card since she was 10 or 11.

Ickythumpsmum Sun 24-Apr-16 17:14:43

Jimmy I say that to y4 onwards. I have had notes from parents explaining its not the kids responsibility (or somehow the parents...) I always hope there are a crowd of parents at home who agree with me and are happy I encourage the kids to sort it themselves. I'm so happy to read your comment. Crazy happy in fact.

Lifecanonlygetbetter Sun 24-Apr-16 17:16:13

"My 19 year old asked me to accompany her to uni open days - erm no, you reckon you are going to uni in October this is part of the process of showing yourself that you are ready to go!!! 19 FFS!!!!"

Possibly she wanted some advice and an objective opinion? Possibly a little support about making a big decision that will result in her having a massive debt and will impact on the direction she takes for the next few years of her life?

I don't think that you stop being parent because they are 19(Fffs!!!!)

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