Parents who just won't leave their kid a bloody lone

[JackandDiane]

Please stop micro managing your teens life. Packing their bags. Interfering when they're with their pals. Fussing. Repeating yourself in boringly petty instructions.

breathe

Are they not just two American kids doing the best that they can?

It's not your business, you say, but when asked what it's about, you won't say.

YABU

Headteacher of my younger DDs primary school told the parents on reception intake visit

DC should be carrying their own bags, learning to remember their own things, packing their own swimming kits these are the lessons they need to learn that you can support them with.

But also just leaving them alone, if they are off with their friends doing something, don't keep checking on them. Just presume they will come to you when they need you, especially if you were supposed to be chatting with other adults

RandomMess your Dd would have been about the only one without a parent, I didn't see one teenager alone that I can remember. I do wonder why you couldn't show her some support when she asked for it.

It annoys me too but mostly because I'm jealous. I'd love to have someone fuss over me, cook all my meals, pack my bags etc.

sofia I blocked the computer from ringing and told them I had, they weren't happy but tough. Is that an option?

Life - I have given her lots of advice, lots of counsel, happy to look at things and so on.

No she wanted me to go and hold her hand - the unis don't want parents there!!! I know this - I work at one, it doesn't go down well! She is VERY capable, gone to the States to visit friends on her own, gone on holidays alone and so on. Travels the length and breadth of the UK on the train!

At the end of the day it has to be her decision which I've told her, I will give pros and cons but it is her decision to make. When she makes out it's sooooo much effort to catch the local bus when I'm not able to give her a lift - yes I get the rage.

She will always be my DD, I will always listen and support in the background but she needs to do some stuff independently.

Not to mention I couldn't actually take 2 days off work to accompany her each time she wanted to go to these various things. Was quite happy to go without me when friends were visiting the same uni. Basically she wanted company - I know my DD!

My parents let me travel to my uni open days alone (maybe mum had read on here that that is what everyone does). I was the only one without my parents for my subject at Leeds uni. I think it's totally fine for an adult to ask their parent's opinion.
Just because you think teens should do everything themselves doesn't mean others have to agree. I accepted when my dc were tiny that everyone parents differently and you really cannot say what is best as every dc and every parent is different. Maybe you can look back when they're 50 and see which dc was the most successful but it's too soon to know right now!

But RandomMess not all children are developmentally ready to do all those things at reception and not all parents choose to prioritize what the head teacher or other adult thinks is important for their child. My 15 year old ds has just noticed a few days ago that he never learned to tie his shoelaces properly and said that he is now ready to learn it. This is the same kid who was hacking the school computers by age 7. I just gave him velcro shoes and tried to do safety on the internet education instead of shoe lace tying.

A friend of mine used to do her son's grocery shopping on line when he went to uni so every week he would get a Tesco delivery of nutritious foods paid for by mummy and also get an email with his full weeks meal-plan including recipes and cookery instructions. My own DD is friends with the son and on a weekend visit was a witness to his fridge full of several weeks worth of unwanted, rank and stinky food going to waste while the DS lived on pot noodles/cider/thin air as students are meant to do.

gamerchick I have finally just a few weeks ago swapped my landline to a GoogleVoice line and had the school send all the non-emergency calls to the "home landline" (ie GoogleVoice), where they automatically go to voicemail! It has also sorted all the robocalls from advertisers I was getting on my landline!!!!

Sofia I get robo-calls from the school too. They are not helpful, are they?

Yes Sofia I agree, the point I am clearly failing to make is that some parents don't realise that the long term aim is for your DC to come independent capable adults and you pass over what you can. You teach them, you train them, sometimes they have to make mistakes and learn how to deal with and what the consequences are.

One of the school mums I knew was still brining her reception child to school in her pushchair and the end of R - no physical or SEN - she told me that herself - "my DC are lazy, she doesn't want to walk" - fine fair enough her choice although I was when in the continuation of the conversation that the pushchair wasn't from their house as they'd move - no her youngest refused to walk from the car to the playground... she would run around the playground at the end of the day and then get in the pushchair to be pushed 500 yards to where their car was parked. Another comment out of her mouth was "I want my DC to like me"....

Drives me nuts what my DC peers parents do for them as it makes me look like a bitch and unreasonable. The other day DS 19 mowed the lawn , probably first thing in ages he'd been asked to do , and my friend was telling me how "good" he is.

I'm with Random had my DS done any uni visits I wouldn't have gone with him , why would I ? When I went for interviews at uni I sorted it all myself from start to finish and that was how it was.

Unfortunately I see it as a sign of the times and most parents around me mollycoddle and are overly involved in their teens lives and I'm often left questioning myself AIBU when I hear certain things but I'm starting to be a bit vindicated thank goodness.

I have parents of UNIVERSITY STUDENTS emailing me/phoning me to ask if their grown up child can do work experience with me.

For those saying "Why worry, how does it affect you?, it's none of your business" etc....it will be ALL our business if there is a generation of young people who are incapable of doing anything at all.

Oh god yes. I've got a friend like this - has not encouraged once ounce of independence in her DCs and now as teenagers they are absolute tickets who incapable of looking after themselves. Her DD has managed to lose all the p/t jobs she's had because they worked her too hard/insisted that she follow the rules re phoning in sick/didn't give him any more breaks than she was entitled to/lost the plot at his lack of ability to move her backside. Both of them will still be living at home at 40 at this rate.

I see it with quite a few parents of teenagers, mainly the mums. It's as if they can't quite accept that their role is vanishing and they want to hold onto it as long as possible. Sad and weird in equal measures.

Op I agree. I have no idea if ds does his homework week to week. He's 14 the school haven't raised it, it's his responsibility. He goes out for hours on the weekend but has a phone so no worries.

I went to all of ds's open days. University costs a fuck load of money these days, a fair chunk of it I am expected to fund. It was very important that he made the right choice. 17 and 18 year olds don't always know what to look for and I think it is good to have a parent there to support and advise.

Growing up is a process - it doesn't happen overnight on a person's 18th birthday. I can't see anything wrong in bring involved, so long as that involvement includes teaching your child how to become a functioning adult.

Urgh I agree.

I have the two extremes in my class - kids who can barely wipe their own nose at 16, and kids whose parents don't give a shit and who have already been living independently for a couple of years at 16.

Even at 3 my youngest carries her own bag and makes her bed in the morning. I'm not a fucking slave.

My parents came to all my uni open days with me.
I was by no means babied! But I wanted my parents there with me for support and their opinions & they also wanted to come to see my choices!

My mother is/ was a block of ice when I was growing up and my dad a nasty bastard so I have in some respects Molly coddled my sons :) but I won't bail them out at school etc. I like doing the 'nice' bits and wash, iron, cook etc (and most of my friends make their sons do their own washing) but they are a long time grown up and I wanted them to have a different experience to me..
They are all teens BTW not 45 incase anyone is worried :)
And I didn't accompany DS1 to his university open day. He is going to the next town and wanted to get the info by himself.

No it doesn't happen overnight when you're 18 the whole point is you spend the preceding four years or so working up to that point. That's the part I've stuck at even if I've often felt I'm out of kilter with my friends and that my DC think I'm totally mean

DS just got back from a weeks holiday and has complained he had to book everything and then sort out six other 19 yo lads who had no clue how to look after themselves or the accommodation they were in.

Completely pisses me off that I get endless letters form the school getting me to confirm ok for DS1 (18!!!!) to get public transport home from various events.
HE IS 18 AND AN ADULT!
Then today... a scary letter about the Meningitis vaccine for my younger DS (16) saying that if parents don't sign consent, the DC will be 'asked' to self-consent.