They have brought the fucking dog.

[Welshmaenad]

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

[PuntasticUsername]

Jeez, YANBU. I really don't understand how people can be this way about their dogs.

[gamerchick]

Nope. Can you ask them to leave?

[Purpleball]

YANBU I wouldn't risk it with a known biting dogs. Shouldn't it have been PTS if it's hospitalised people?

[mrsfuzzy]

totally with you on this one, sorry, but they could have travelled from the moon but if they had the dog with them the visit would be over before it started. long way to get here ? it's a long way back too, bye ! they sound vert disrepectful to you and your dh, i would not put up with it personally.

[Welshmaenad]

I'll be honest, and I know this will make me sound AWFUL, and I'm really not, I generally love animals - but I can't wait for it to die.

Because then I would be happy for my children to go to their house with DH for visits and I get a few days of me time and I would never have to see them ever again!

[rockybalboa]

Ring your DH once an hour until he confirms the dog is gone.

[DustBunnyFarmer]

Yep, send them packing if they can't find a boarding kennel nearby.

[PattiODoors]

Yanbu

I am so sorry they are persisiting in being such a trial my dear

[Welshmaenad]

I think it should have been but MIL made excuses for it saying her ddad 'wound it up' and that it was all his fault.

The poor man has since been diagnosed with dementia.

[PattiODoors]

X post wrt demetia, och.

[Charlotte3333]

Nope, not BU at all. I think I'd be most cross at your DH though, for not being on the same page as you about a potential risk to your DCs; surely he sees the dog is a risk?

You're going to have to stand up and firmly say to all of them, PILs included, that if the children are anywhere near the dog you will never have them in your home again. I know that sounds over-dramatic but frankly, they can't have much respect or concern for you or their Grandchildren to be such complete and utter dickheads. Stand firm. You have every right to be cross and demand they listen to your rules.

[lunar1]

Yanbu, have you had a thread about this dog before? I wouldn't let it near my family either!

[Welshmaenad]

To clarify, they are staying in a hotel, the dog will not set foot in my house. I can't legitimately send them away from a hotel they're paying for. My concern is when they go out for the day. The 'rules' are that dog stays in car, when it is walked this is done far away from the kids, it does not join them on walks or being outdoors anywhere at all. I'm just not confident that they won't push to bend the rules and DH will not stand up to them firmly enough, like I've had to in the past.

[Ohfourfoxache]

Fucking hell

Could the dc stay with you and let DH deal with his bloody parents by himself? I'm not sure I'd trust any of them to keep he dc and the dog separate.

[BlinkAndMiss]

YADNBU they sound irresponsible and stupid.

[MehsMum]

YANBU.
And I really like dogs.

They are taking the piss, pushing their luck, and all the rest of it. I would NOT want a snappy dog with a biting record around my DC (who are no longer small), so I am with you all the way.

[Welshmaenad]

I remember you being on my Easter thread text fan! I did mention the dog there, yes - link to it if anyone is RELLY bored

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2341822-To-say-that-I-dont-want-ILs-to-visit-at-this-time

[fanofpeamum]

OMFG. They (and the dog) sound awful. So if you don't trust any of the adults to keep the children safe, you either have to make the children responsible for themselves (not fair, not viable IMO) or intervene, surely?

[Welshmaenad]

Not really an option to keep DC with me as this visit is supposed to be to spend time with them - I try so hard not to let my issues with them spill out too much as I do want the DC to have a relationship with them, and I've had to bully them pretty hard to get them to make more effort with the DC, who are quite excited at seeing GM and GD.

My 8 year old is such a stickler for rules that if I say go nowhere near dog she will enforce this better than DH "No GM mummy said we weren't allowed near the dog, take it away!". It will be effective and keep them safe but it feels a bit manipulative. Meh.

[Welshmaenad]

DH assures me he's on board with keeping dog away - but hes so eager to please them sometimes that it just makes me a bit doubtful.

[Koalafications]

I'm a dog lover and I can honestly say YANBU.

A dog that is vicious to other animals and people would not be welcome in my home.

I think it's cheeky as fuck that they have brought the dog.

[roseteapot101]

my grandmother had a dog like this ,i now have a scar of my hand were it bit and shredded it.My mother poured hot sauce down its throat after it did it.She lost it.

If they keep pushing boundaries you may lose your top

you need to make clear and consistent rules

stand tall stand firm by them dont let them move a inch over a rule

never leave your children alone with them

[SmillasSenseOfSnow]

It's not in the least manipulative. They know your rules, they are flouting them. They are being manipulative, and for what? To piss on your territory?

You need to stand firm. You'll certainly regret worrying about coming off badly when your child is missing a permanent chunk out of their face/leg/hand.

[SmillasSenseOfSnow]

My mother poured hot sauce down its throat after it did it.She lost it.

Jesus.