They have brought the fucking dog.

[Welshmaenad]

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

To the person that said all animals who attack humans should be put down including killer whales... killer whales should not be in captivity in the first place and being put down is probably blessed relief from their wretched suffering.

Could you pop to a pet shop and buy a muzzle for cuntydog?

Just present it to them and say
"I still don't want DC anywhere near your hell hound but since I don't trust you to take any notice of what I think, put this on the fucker and then maybe I can relax a bit" ?

I'd be phoning every hour on the hour asking where cuntychops was in relation to my DCs.

To the person that said all animals who attack humans should be put down including killer whales... killer whales should not be in captivity in the first place and being put down is probably blessed relief from their wretched suffering.

Agree. But I would also want to know what the human did, if anything, to provoke the animal.

Oh and that's not in relation to animals in captivity. I was referring to cats and dogs.

I would not have let my DC go, they shouldn't be anywhere near it.

You can't put the responsibility not to to get bitten, onto DC of this age. You think your DH won't protect them by insisting the dog can't be there - why have you let them go?!

I know you can't totally protect DC for danger all the time, but deliberately sending them into a situation where they will be at risk boggles my mind.

It's more important to protect them than to facilitate a relationship with people prepared to put them at risk.

Dog present - no contact. That's all you need to say.

As someone who has been bitten by a dog as a child, I think you are being very unreasonable to let them go, knowing the dog will be there, sorry. They are your DC and your priority is to keep them safe.

Okay, this thread is not about killer whales, but they are totally unlike dogs.

Dogs like to live around humans and there is huge evidence that dogs and humans have evolved together.

Taking a killer whale into captivity, is like taking a 9 year old, foreign child (ie, speaks a different language to you) who owns an Uzi, into slavery, and then wondering why you get shot.

YY Sanity

One of my friends knows someone who worked at a Seaworld type place. Apparently they keep the killer whales in a state of near starvation to get them to do tricks, so it's hardly surprising if they try and snaffle a human every now & then. It is a very, very cruel set up without even considering the cruelty of keeping such large mammals in such small enclosures.

Rosetea- I see where you are coming from. Although it was with heinsight a very cruel thing for your Mum to do to a dog, I totally get what you mean about instinct and protecting her baby. My Mum is the kindest loveliest woman you coukd ever meet, ince when I was a toddler a woman was carelessly waving a lit cigarette around in a market and burnt my face. My mum slapped her. Again, heat of the moment, shock, mothers protective instinct. She had never hit anyine before and hasn't since. I still can't picture it to this day.

Sorry to derail just thought you wete getting a hard time. OP I hope your DH sticks to his word!

Tell them if it so much as sniffs your kids you'll call the police, the dog will be put down and they might be stung with a £2k fine and/or a prison sentence.

You are NNNNNNNNNNNBU. Selfish pair. They know you don't want the dog and it can't behave so have brought it. If I had the money I'd take myself and DC's to a nearby hotel with pool till they had gone. Or say they must put the dog in kennels for the weekend. Or if they've got a car insist the dog stays in the car when they visit you. Honestly, I'd be furious. And even if the dog is kept away things still go wrong. Your children come before a dog and a selfish pair of adults.

Leaving the dog in the car is a terrible idea as well though, it's cruel, even if they do leave the windows open a little bit.

If they do that, I hope someone sees the poor thing and reports them to the police.

The PILS don't deserve to see their GC if they can't put the GC safety over their own selfishness and ego- it is largely ego as well.

That's something your DH should know himself, I hope he risk manages well. I would absolutely tell your DC that PIL have a very angry dog, that they won't control it and won't keep the DC safe by leaving it at home. That DH will try to protect them but that they also keep their distance regardless of what PIL say and, at any time the dog scares or upsets them, that DC tell DH they want to go home.

If DD is very responsible I would give her my mobile, with the home number programmed in and tell her to call home if she feels unsafe in any way and wants to come home or if DH loses his spine and lets the PIL rule fails to keep the dog away and PIL off their back.

A relative of Dh's had a vicious terrier ( it was mummy special little man). It regularly bit people. It hospitalises said relative once and on the day her daughter got married it bit the person who was supposed to be giving her away so badly he missed the wedding and went to hospital instead!!
When we had children I quietly too keen to one side and told her that if the dog ever bit them I would report it to the police and make it my personal mission to have it out to sleep so unless she wanted it dad she needed to keep it away from my children. Seemed to work when no amount of explaining why the dog should be kept away from visitors did.
Presumably in laws are fond of this dog so could this approach work?
As for leaving it in the car that's totally irresponsible in either slightly warm weather, as another poster said hopefully they will do that no get reported but if they do you know they will blame you.

1. I'd be pissed at them for bringing the dog. You say they are staying in a hotel? I assume it's a dog friendly one as they have brought the dog. Unless they are leaving it locked in the car all night- and then i'd ring the RSPCA. That's abuse- and if that's the way they are treating their dog, then no wonder it's aggressive. Anyway- my point being; if it's a dog friendly hotel- tell them to leave it their if they insist on travelling with it.

1. I'd be pissed off with your DH. I live with parents that sound v similar to your inlaws so I know for a fact how tough it is for him. But NOTHING should be more important than you and your children to him- so why on earth would he want an aggressive dog around them?! As I said I really can in a way understand how hard it is to stand up to them- but I think he needs to if his children are at risk of being attacked by a dog.

Also just a thought- but maybe PILs can't kennel their dog because they have in the past and it's attacked somebody and they have been blacklisted. I think you need to sit them down, both your and your DH, and knock their heads together. I'm a HUGE animal lover- but it sounds the best for all if this dog was PTS. A shame because it's obviously been abused and handed from pilar to post so it isn't surprising really. I do feel sorry for it in a way.

Did they know u weren't going to be around at the weekend ? If so they are really taking the piss and blatantly ignoring your wishes knowing they can overrule your DH.

This is what the RSPAC have to say about leaving dogs in cars.

But here's an extract from the website as well. Basically saying never leave your dog alone in a car, even on just a warm day, and to call the police if you see a dog left alone.

Dogs die in hot cars

Don't leave your dog alone in a car.

When it’s 22°C/72°F outside, the temperature inside a car can reach 47°C/117°F within 60 minutes.

Dogs pant to keep cool. In hot stuffy cars dogs can’t cool down - leaving a window open or a sunshield on windscreens won’t keep your car cool enough.

If you see a dog in a car on a warm day, call the Police on 999. If the police are unable to attend, please call our 24-hour cruelty line 0300 1234 999.

Heatstroke - early warning signs

Heatstroke can be fatal. Some dogs are more prone than others:

dogs with short snouts
fatter/muscley dogs
long-haired breeds
old/young dogs
dogs with certain diseases/on certain medication

Heatstroke develops when dogs can’t reduce their body temperature.

I leave my dog in the car for short periods, with the window open.
I would do so today, as it is not even close to being warm. I've got a heavy fleece on and it is raining intermittently. No danger to him at all.

They really are so unbelievably selfish & self-centred. Unfair on the dog and unfair on all of you.

Short periods is fine. When we had a dog and I had him with me for whatever reason (vets/groomers/walk out somewhere) i'd leave him in the car with the window open a little if I had to pop somewhere I couldn't take him (bank/PO/quick nip into work to collect something) as it was often to quicker to do then taking him out of his cage, putting his lead on, tying him up outsid, having people wanting to come and make a fuss etc etc.

With that said- I wouldn't dream of it on a hot day or if I was going to be more than 10-15 minutes. I assume when the PILs come to OPs house they are there for several hours- leaving a dog on it's own in a car for that long is just abusive IMO.

YANBU, firstly OP, obviously.

Here's a thought - is the dog going to be kept in the car outside your house today, or outside the hotel? If so; wait until you know for sure what is going on and then ring the RSPCA yourself (anonymously). Report the dog being left in the car all morning/afternoon and hopefully PIL will get a call and a ticking off. Might put them off bringing the dog in the future.

When i was growing up my parents kept dogs (i love dogs) and were very sensible about them. They looked after them well, but animals were animals and people come first. Roll on to my teens and they got a Sealyham Terrier. Spoiled it absolutely rotten over the years and let it get away with growling, nipping and biting anyone who it took a passing dislike to. The thing was a little shit by the time i left home. It bit me and my friends more than once. I was glad to see the back of it! I hated the animal with a passion and so did everyone else. My parents just used to gaze adoringly at it and make excuse after excuse for it, feeding it titbits on the sofa while it growled at anyone wanting to sit down! They wouldn't leave it for more than a couple of hours (took it on holiday, wouldn't put it in a kennel ever for a night) and treated it like a baby!

Thankfully it died (aged about 10 i think) when the eldest of my DCs was just learning to walk. Otherwise there would have been a fall out over the bloody thing and my DCs safety on visits.

I remember your previous threads. I'd have the dog and the PILs put to sleep. They all sound ghastly.

Perhaps they dont see any 'real' consequences happening if they flout your ground rules so they minimise and flout people's objections. ie. have you made it clear that if it bites or 'hospitalises' your children you will pursue it and the dog will be pts ? It clearly shouldn't even have been reoffered for adoption if its that unpredictable.

I wouldnt normally say that being a dog lover but if they arent at least trying to manage/address its behaviour and neither could the dog adoption people it seems an accident waiting to happen.