They have brought the fucking dog.

[Welshmaenad]

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

Just so people don't go running for the broth/hot sauce...

If someone is being bitten by a dog, get behind the dog and position your knees around its waist, then take the dogs collar and pull the dog upwards while twisting the collar. If the dog doesn't release its bite, twist the collar and pull upwards again whilst also pressing on the dogs windpipe.

Not at all unreasonable to want this dog kept away from your children. It is too volatile. I would have the same rule, and I have two dogs.

I might relax the rule a little if, and only if, they agreed to muzzle the dog around the children. Otherwise no. I take it though that it will be a cold day in hell before your PIL ever agree to that one.

I can't get out of my head now that someone actually went to the trouble of pouring hot sauce down the throat of a dog for any reason at all.

I can understand a reflexive reaction to a dog biting your child, but that is not reflexive. Ensuring the sauce is hot, grabbing an already tense dog, forcing its mouth open (risky and stupid thing to do anyway) and then pouring burning liquid down its throat!!! Horrendous. The agony of a badly burnt mouth and throat will have taught that dog the very opposite lesson to the one intended.

Truffle's advice is good.

YANBU at ALL, and I adore dogs.

Owners like these muppets give all dog owners a bad name. WTF are they thinking??

I would be very angry in your position.

YANBU - I was in a similar situation several years ago with my very manipulative exMIL, only her dog had actually bitten my DD when she was 13mo at the time.

When she was 20mo we were due to make the annual pilgrimage north to stay in her timeshare for three nights purgatory holiday and I couldn't join them until the second night. Similar problems with DD's dad being too weak to really stand up to his mother and exMIL being almost like a sneaky defiant child over my request to keep the dog and dd separate. When I arrived the dog was clearly just mooching round the house next to my DD so I ended up having to police the situation for the following two days.

The last straw was when exMIL took dd into her room singing to her as we were about to leave and then walked out into the hall with her saying "Oh look! Your hands are all hairy from brushing the dog".

I managed to contain myself until we got about half a mile down the road in the car and then went completely apeshit. That was the end of the relationship with DD's dad - incontrovertible evidence that he was unable to keep DD safe from clear harm and exMIL was quite happy to put her in harms way too. Still makes me thinking about it now!

It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites.
Why wasn't it put to sleep? Any chance of you sorting out a kennel for all 3 of them the dog near you?

Buy a muzzle, give it to DH. For the dog, obviously.... Then nobody needs to worry.

^^ yes, get a muzzle.

Borrow a dog cage?

Their alternative is to leave the dog in the car for the whole weekend? For heavens sake, it gets worse! Where the fuck has their sense gone?

They are really, really irresponsible dog owners. I actually feel quite sorry for the dog, poor thing.

No wonder it aggressive when it has such irresponsible idiotic people as its owners.

I was bitten by a dog. My mum detached the dog firmly but not aggressively or in a cruel way. She did not punish it or speak to it crossly. She drove straight to the vets and had it PTS there and then whilst calmly stroking it. Wasn't even her dog it was my brothers. She said it was that way or she went to the police and got them to take it away & PTS which would have been a whole lot worse. My brother was upset but he got over it.
With regards to the op if you can't be there to supervise and you can't trust your DH and have to leave it up to a child to make sure they stay away from the dog then perhaps your children shouldn't even be left in your dh's care this weekend.
I know I wouldn't.

Did your PILs know you wouldn't be joining in the visit this weekend? If so they may have taken their chance to do as they wished knowing you wouldn't be there. Can you try to (tell your DH) be very careful with information later?

It sounds like your DD will keep the rest of them in line.

Totally support your anger on this. Bitey alpha dogs and kids don't mix well!

I agree with pp that dog = no kids. I know they ate there to see the kids but they know you don't like the dogs around them. They are just pushing you because they know your dh wont stand up to them. They are that fucking annoying "oh nasty mummy wont let us have any fun" kind of PILS.

Your daughter sounds very sensible and at an age were you can trust her to stick to your rules. I would tell the kids not to go near the dog and if pils try to get them to- to tell you.

My mum did the same thing with my GPs cat, this thing was seriously nasty, hated being touched and my little sister loved cats and would always want to cuddle it, which my GM would encourage, even though it scratched all the time!

Hot sauce isn't boiling liquid! It's chili pepper sauce.

There was a thread this week about funniest ever replies and someone quoted 'it gets worse, even the dog is a cunt'. Is this that dog?

A distant cousin of mine was bitten in the face by a small terrier cross. She was 6 at the time and was a 'cuddler' of animals. She lost her eye and after several ops is scarred permanently.

It really isn't worth the risk. The incident happened in two seconds and it has changed their lives forever. Your PILS are deranged and also rather cruel to this dog. It clearly has issues and they are putting it in an awful situation by bringing it along.

I know previous posters have mentioned this but have you suggested they try a muzzle.It sounds like the dog should be muzzled anyway so may be a good incentive to get them to buy one and then everyone can enjoy a nice walk together with no danger from the dog.We are buying a muzzle today for our dog who we got 2 weeks ago from a rescue centre. We do not know how he reacts to other dogs so plan to muzzle him until we know his reactions,

As they have brought a dangerous animal with them, I would not be allowing any time spent with the DC. You know you can't trust them, so that's that - no compromise. Next time, they won't bring the dog.

YANBU they are behaving outrageously, you tell them to go, what have you got to lose? your DH is already being put in an impossible position and treated like shit. Don't worry about any social conventions of telling them to go mid visit or that because you let them across the threshold with the dog you are obliged to let them stay, you're not you can speak up now. People like this will continue to take the piss unless you put your foot down. This arrangement of him entertaining them is not going to be good for your mental health because you'll be seething and worrying about your kids all weekend.

Am I right in guessing that one of the reasons CuntDog isn't in kennels is that no kennels will take the poor beast?

YANBU. It's a dangerous dog, to both your children, other people and your cats. Your PILs are being selfish.

YANBU my IL's did this to me once. Turned up to stay with their uninvited dog. The dog is friendly and definitely not a biter but it does bark at cats. It would be welcome if I didn't have 2 cats that are terrified of dogs. The poor cats spent The whole time in the garden scared to come in. I got really upset and struggled to hide it but hopefully I didn't and it won't happen again. The final straw was being told, by my IL's that cats are aloof and that they are happy to be outdoors !! Surprisingly they've never had a cat.

This is that dog heebie. 'Cuntydog' is making me laugh, I might get it a personalised collar.

I didn't even need to lecture the kids, I spoke to them this morning and dd remembered previous warnings! They have set off for the visit with little DS singing 'bad dog, nasty dog, don't touch the bitey-dog'.

I wish they could leave it in the hotel but they aren't allowed if they aren't in the room. And yes, there is only one kennel they will use which is I suspect the only one that will take it!

It's a dangerous dog. It should be PTS. Or at the very least muzzled all the time. (Except when it's caged). YANBU.
And I love and own dogs.

Your priority is your DCscsafety around a badly trained dog that bites and MIL who insists on ignoring valid concerns.
She's brought the dog, won't nuzzle it therefore she forfeits seeing the GC if the dog is there. End of. Her decision to bring the dog does not overrule your decision not to expose your DC to danger .
Unless the dog is kept on a short lead and muzzled at all times it is not safe. And I say this as a dog owner.
Re the hot sauce incident. That was stimulus and cruel. She should have poured it down the owners throat. Much more effective.