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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

They have brought the fucking dog.

318 replies

Welshmaenad · 15/05/2015 23:09

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

OP posts:
IAmNotAMindReader · 12/08/2016 22:31

Simper around his parents that is.

Floggingmolly · 12/08/2016 22:34

Your dh really needs to tell them to fuck off home.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 12/08/2016 22:35

The latter - kids stay with you. Swap their weekend. Are they staying in a hotel or at his house?

Welshmaenad · 12/08/2016 22:36

Hotel. His (our old) house is tiny.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 12/08/2016 22:36

I agree - either the dog goes, or the children stay with you.

And I would tell your PIL bluntly that they will never see their grandchildren if they bring the dog with them.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 12/08/2016 22:37

I think you have to not send your kids. You know from previous experience that the dog is dangerous, and you also know from previous experience that ex- DH doesn't see this a reason to keep the children away. I think the children are probably too young to be trusted to stay away from the dogs themselves?

MissBattleaxe · 12/08/2016 22:39

Stand firm. They are massively unreasonable and you are not. Your DH can't see the kids if they are at risk of being with or near a dangerous dog.

DeathStare · 12/08/2016 22:39

Don't send the kids unless you are absolutely convinced he will keep the dig away. The worst that can happen is he's pissed off with you.

If you send the kids and the dog is there the worst that can happen is that one of them ends up dead or in hospital.

No contest

SecretNutellaFix · 12/08/2016 22:40

How old is the little twatdog?

Welshmaenad · 12/08/2016 22:46

15-16ish?

OP posts:
PiSeas · 12/08/2016 22:54

Nope. Kids stay with you until dog dies .they won't listen and nor will STBX.

NuffSaidSam · 12/08/2016 22:54

I remember this thread the first time round!

If you seriously believe ex-H will put the children at risk then keep them with you.

Otherwise, they should go as normal, with strict instruction to stay away from the dog.

Your DH has equal parenting rights. You can't just refuse to hand over the children for an arranged visit because you're pissed off with his parents.

Only you know your DH, so we can't really advise.

Do you really think he'd endanger his own children?

MammaTJ · 12/08/2016 22:54

Stick to your guns and do not let your DC go there.

Even a small vicious dog could kill a 6 year old, which is how old I gather your youngest is! So not worth the risk to keep the peace.

You are absolutely right. Maybe next time they will book CuntyDog in to a kennel in order to see their GC!

NuffSaidSam · 12/08/2016 22:55

sorry ex-h not DH!!

augustusdecimus · 12/08/2016 22:56

I think your relationship with your PILs is irrelevant to be honest.

Dogs can be dangerous around children they don't know if not properly supervised. I would never let my young children be around a dog known for biting. Not EVER. I consider myself as somebody who is knowledgeable about dogs, their behaviour and their body language, and I still wouldn't allow it.

I think you are right to worry, and personally I would remove the children from the house, or go home to make sure the dog does not enter the house.

acasualobserver · 12/08/2016 22:59

By any sensible analysis this dog should have been destroyed. Can the GPs come to visit you while STBX dogsits? I agree that you should not take any risks with this animal.

augustusdecimus · 12/08/2016 22:59

Kids should stay with you. Another irrelevant thing is whether you love animals or not. I'm an animal lover (vegetarian even!), doesn't mean I don't respect that some animals are dangerous.

I would not leave my kids with a dangerous dog just like I wouldn't let them jump in the tiger enclosure at the zoo.

BlackeyedSusan · 12/08/2016 22:59

offs not again.

is it informal contact? or court ordered?

Lilacpink40 · 12/08/2016 22:59

Be direct with your DH: no dog around DCs or I'll hold you accountantable even if nothing happens.

He needs to 100% take on and support your values, which relate to protecting both your DCs.

augustusdecimus · 12/08/2016 23:01

*If you seriously believe ex-H will put the children at risk then keep them with you.

Do you really think he'd endanger his own children?*

The problem is that most people whose children get bitten by dogs didn't deliberately let it happen! He may not think he is endangering his children. Most people have an "Oh they'll be okay" attitude and don't know the body language signals to look out for in dogs that are stressed, scared, anxious, etc. which leads to bites.

QuestionableMouse · 12/08/2016 23:01

I wouldn't want the dog near any kids but you can't leave it in the car all weekend. It's cruel in the heat.

NataliaOsipova · 12/08/2016 23:03

I'd say no. If the dog is there, the kids are not. You can offer your DH a different weekend, you can tell him that you trust him but not his parents. But after all this history, I wouldn't take the risk. Selfish idiots!

Welshmaenad · 12/08/2016 23:03

Contact is informal. His work schedule is complex so a court ordered schedule would be completely impractical and we dirk together well 99% of the time, he's just weak when it comes to his parents.

I am NC with them, have been since well before we split.

OP posts:
PurpleTango · 12/08/2016 23:07

YANBU. I love dogs. I have 2. No way would I allow your PIL's snappy, bitey thing around my children. Tell your OH to man up and put his kids first

Welshmaenad · 12/08/2016 23:07

Possibly relevant is that he has the following week off work and they are due to be with him the entire week so it wouldn't be like he wouldn't get to see them at all if I kept them with me whilst his parents were here, it would just be a few days less.

OP posts:
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