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To absolutely hate hate hate the school playground?

(187 Posts)
peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:43:46

I waited to pick my dd up from her primary school today. It suddenly struck me that the 5 minutes I waited there and the dynamics of the people around me pretty much represented the way I have always felt about my place in life and how others view me.

Little groupings here and there - little cliques that I am not and never could be part of. Largely walked past and ignored even when I go to say hello. I felt totally invisible.

Does anyone feel like this or is it just me and my paranoia??!!

SauvignonBlanche Tue 23-Oct-12 16:44:52

YANBU at all, I hated it too, so made DH go. grin

peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:45:54

Sauvignon, did you hate it for the same reasons? Bloody hideous isn't it.

usualsuspect3 Tue 23-Oct-12 16:46:27

I never saw any of this in my childrens school playgrounds, yes there were groups of friends but I never saw them as cliques.

I used to stand with a couple of mums I knew but we weren't a clique we were just mates.

Vickibee Tue 23-Oct-12 16:46:46

i feel exactly the same, cliquey groups - i feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back - whispering in corners etc

MakeItALarge Tue 23-Oct-12 16:47:06

YADDDNBU. I also make dh go, he hates it even more than me but I ve told him if he doesnt do his fair share I might spend too long there and become one of them

usualsuspect3 Tue 23-Oct-12 16:47:58

Are you not allowed to stand with people you know then?

KeithLeMonde Tue 23-Oct-12 16:48:20

I find the playground reflects how I'm feeling.

When I'm miserable or lacking in self-confidence, the other mums are all in cliques, ignoring me or looking down their noses. When I'm feeling good, they're just standing together having a chat, and when I say hello, they mostly say hello back.

They're only other people. How bad can they be?

justmyview Tue 23-Oct-12 16:49:26

I always try to reply to these posts. I see them quite often. I feel so sorry for you, but can assure you that the vast majority of people don't mean to be cliquey or unfriendly. They just tend to gravitate towards the people they know, rather than strangers. It takes confidence to speak to strangers. Even if you are quite outgoing and reasonably confident, most people will go for the easy option of talking to the people they already know.

I'd suggest you make a point of walking past someone who is standing on their own and say "Hello there" in a cheerful and friendly voice. Next time you stand near them and try to acknowledge them in some way. Next time, compliment them on their jacket. Build up gradually

usualsuspect3 Tue 23-Oct-12 16:49:30

Mind you my children went to the local school so a lot of the other mums were my neighbours.

SoleSource Tue 23-Oct-12 16:49:44

Not experienced any of this. But had very tough time with teachers over the years, rude ignorant pigs of bus guides.

peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:49:51

Vicky yes! Maybe we're both paranoid!

MakeIt absolutely. I'm terrified that if I do it every day then I will one morning turn up in my horsey gear or my designer keep fit outfit without even realising that the transition has happened!

Maybe that's the secret - I'm not in uniform!

Lovesoftplay Tue 23-Oct-12 16:51:12

Can I add to this....as well as the playground I also hate the parties. If you're not going to invite my son, please don't stand crowing about how great your son's party is going to be sad

usualsuspect3 Tue 23-Oct-12 16:51:29

Ah, defiantly no horsey or designer keep fit outfits around here.

FatherHankTree Tue 23-Oct-12 16:51:48

It might be paranoia, but I used to feel the same. When we moved and DD went to a different school, there were no playground cliques. Or maybe we were happier with the new school confused

<sits firmly on fence>

RichTeas Tue 23-Oct-12 16:52:20

Playgrounds do have cliques, and so does life, as you observe. You could however be making too much of it, in the playground and life, and perhaps giving off a anti-social vibe. Maybe try saying hello a few times, especially with a smile, and even starting up a little clique of two yourself, and see how it grows. There has to be somebody in the playground that you can enjoy chatting to once in a while, and you will feel better for it.

Vickibee Tue 23-Oct-12 16:52:32

I am naturally shy and do not push nyself forward, I kind of wait to be spoken to first and will not open conversation for fear of been rejected

peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:52:34

Usual, yes I can stand with them but they are engrossed in their own conversations and not very inviting. I tried to do just that this afternoon but the mum said hi to me and when I went to say something back she just turned to her friend and carried on talking - I felt like a total prat.

It's awful and I wanted to cry - I was invisible (as usual).

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Tue 23-Oct-12 16:53:07

It is normal for groups of parents to stand with their friends, or with other parents from the same class.
I don't see that as cliquey.
Do you not have friends at the school?

peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:54:53

The school is one where monied parents send their children to when they don't want to pay for private. I do not fit into this category. I am also aware that I have a tendence to do myself down and feel like an outsider. However, I really tried this afternoon and felt like a total prat that I nearly walked over to the mum who then just turned to her friend and carried on talking - so humiliating.

Flojo1979 Tue 23-Oct-12 16:55:39

I'm absolutely the same. I used to be part of the clique, but always on the outskirts looking in, then I had a disagreement with the 'popular' mum, and suddenly felt like I was back at school myself. No longer standing with that group and say no more than hello to anyone else.
Unfortunately as a single mum, I'd love another adult to talk to but I'm useless at social situations so tend to hide in the corner and get stuck in catch 22!

peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:56:31

MrsRobert I do know a lot of people there but not as friends. There is a big group of parents who do not work and socialise together, very involved in school activities.

peedoffbird Tue 23-Oct-12 16:58:35

Flojo yes it does not pay to fall out with the popular mum! Kiss of death! It was a weird kind of experience today - I felt rooted to the spot and nervous. It's hard to explain but that 5 minutes represented my life and the way I feel about myself.

usualsuspect3 Tue 23-Oct-12 16:58:52

The school round here would fall into the ,Staffies on string and PJ wearing Parents category of MN schools grin

We all knew each other mostly.

badgerparade Tue 23-Oct-12 16:59:01

Yanbu.
I did the school pick up for the first time in a year today since we moved and as I got there 3 police cars with sirens blazing pulled up shock. Apparently there had been an argument over car parking and the someone had been punched! I thought we were living in a posh part of town toosad

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