To absolutely hate hate hate the school playground?

[peedoffbird]

I waited to pick my dd up from her primary school today. It suddenly struck me that the 5 minutes I waited there and the dynamics of the people around me pretty much represented the way I have always felt about my place in life and how others view me.

Little groupings here and there - little cliques that I am not and never could be part of. Largely walked past and ignored even when I go to say hello. I felt totally invisible.

Does anyone feel like this or is it just me and my paranoia??!!

[slatternlymother]

OP I certainly didn't suggest your social circle revolved around the school; I suggested that 'alpha mummy's' does. And what a sad situation for her to be in. So honestly, there's no need to get defensive. I'm on your side! I just think you should care less; they all sound like people who are too insecure in themselves to make a new friend in you.

[Inneedofbrandy]

I'm quite jealous you lot have alpha mums... There completely missing at my school. Did have a mum who regularly wore hot pants with her actual bumcheaks out in the summer! No alpha pack leader though just nice normal mums.

[Mintyy]

I've made some wonderful friends over many years at my dc primary school. Love them to bits and they are absolutely a positive enhancement to my life and if any of them are there at drop off and pick up then, yes, I absolutely will stand and talk to them. I don't agree with slatternlymother that its impossible to make friends with other parents at your child's school .

What I don't do and have never overheard is people bitching or whispering about other mums in the playground. So, yes, I would say Peedoff and Vickibee that you are being paranoid and it is not good to live your life that way.

But don't blame other people for the way you are feeling.

[akaemmafrost]

Try being the Mum with the child with SN. Everyone's scared their child will catch it so give us a very wide berth. Used to it now though. I make people talk to me now . Just strike up a convo with the nearest person. It's ok after a few seconds and good because its the beginning of the year so you can ask the usual "how is your child getting on in Year 1?" questions.

I would try not to take it personally OP, they probably know each other out of school too. It's hard to break in.

[akaemmafrost]

I've got the MN Scarf in that colour and one in blue also.

[Dldj]

yes I understand you.. But it was to watch my little one in his assembly.. So had to go! Ah well another day brings new things I guess :)

[Vickibee]

It's hard when all the mums are SAHM and you are rushing off to work. They are arranging coffe dates and stuff and you are an alien spices. We live in a well off area and their hubby's have prestige jobs so they don't need to work. Very little in common

[ninah]

yabu it's what, 10 mins a day? less if you shove them in through the gate as the bell goes

[googlyeyes]

But realistically, the only thing these other parents and I have in common, is our kids learn together. How can you make a solid friendship based on that?!

But you could say this about absolutely any situation...how can you make a solid friendship based on where you work, the fact you went to school/ college/ uni together, the fact that you go to the same toddler group, the fact that you live in the same street. And yet people do every day! Not many people knock on your door asking to be mates so it all has to start with you having some external factor in common.

There's no obligation to make good friends when your kids go to school but it's definitely an opportunity to do so, and many people do. There's nothing inherently sinister about it, it's just a whole load of (mostly) mums randomly thrown together and out of the 29 others in your class there's a high-ish chance that you will find at least one or two that you connect with. Quite often it's a case of playing the long game though, and not panicking in the first term.

And I speak as someone who is very shy AND had the great fortune (ha!) to be met with the most alpha-mum packed class you could ever imagine. They had colonised literally the whole of the PFA within a week of their dc joining the school!

[slatternlymother]

googly yes, it's an opportunity like any other; but the women the OP mentioned sound like they've gotten a bit carried away.

[googlyeyes]

That's true, slatternly, when dd started school I was quite shocked by how many mums seemed to want their lives to revolve around the school gates. It really was as if they had had no other life previously.

I always tried to remember that school was supposed to be about dd not me

[peedoffbird]

Mintyy I am not blaming anyone individually for the way I feel. Some of it is to do with the way I feel about myself. As my posts have demonstrated, I am self aware. I am clearly not alone in feeling this way. Today, I waved and said hi to two mums - I am making an effort.

In the grand scheme of things it's not important is it. However, we are all human and sometimes you know in your logical mind that it is not important but your emotions tell you different.

[Fishwife1949]

AHhh the school gate mafia

[peedoffbird]

Ha ha Fishwife! Yes indeed!

[scottishmummy]

fortunately i work so keep out of it
but gates had huffs,sniping,tears, she said i said
and its an enduring theme that so many hate the school gate

[BsshBossh]

Where I live, the groups (prefer this to 'cliques') revolve around nationality (eg all the Polish mums), class (eg 'middle class mums') and various other 'ingredients'. I find it interesting, and generally most people are friendly (if not welcoming) but it doesn't affect me in any way as it's only 5 mins of my time at 9 and at 3.30.

[scottishmummy]

its no great shakes as its inconsequential
given i never see the ums apart from at parties
but if you dont work and get drawn in i can see its distressing

[thebody]

Sorry, ' the popular mom'??? Wrf!!!!

When mine were little and I was a blissful sahm I used to stand with the moms I knew from toddler groups( the ones who drank and wore makeup) obviously not drunk at pik up except in a fri afternoon when no one was driving.

As a working mom I rushed in and rushed out.

Around here kids go to middle school at 9 and all get a magical school bus so no pik ups but I kinda missed them.

Never found playground like ops though. And don't know a popular mom!! She sounds like she needs a bloody slap!

[scottishmummy]

wag mum,an oft spotted species.sunglasses all year,ugg boots,big hair
ego size of planet, a giggly coterie of pals
and they do a good line in being stand offish or ignoring those lower in food chain

[Bonsoir]

Be friendly and you will make friends. Don't bother about people you don't like the look of but give out to those who appeal to you and you will make friends. The school gate is like anywhere else in life.

[Mintyy]

Well said Bonsoir. Can we say it again:

"The school gate is like anywhere else in life"

[gordyslovesheep]

3 kids have gone though primary now (well still going through) and I heve NEVER come across this

I see people who know each other chatting - you see cliques

I see casual acquaintances - you seem to be looking for friends

I chat to everyone - they don't always want to be my best mate - I don't take it personally

so I am in the 'I think it's about you' camp I am afraid x