To absolutely hate hate hate the school playground?

[peedoffbird]

I waited to pick my dd up from her primary school today. It suddenly struck me that the 5 minutes I waited there and the dynamics of the people around me pretty much represented the way I have always felt about my place in life and how others view me.

Little groupings here and there - little cliques that I am not and never could be part of. Largely walked past and ignored even when I go to say hello. I felt totally invisible.

Does anyone feel like this or is it just me and my paranoia??!!

[peedoffbird]

Ha ha Usual! Staffies on string made me laugh. We have a lot of mini lap dogs on pink jewel encrusted leads here!

Badger, maybe I will be proved wrong and there will be an incident of some kind outside the school gates - maybe a girly bitch fight!

[badgerparade]

Well there were a group of mums involved apparently but I didn't hang around to find out the whole story

[BreconBeBuggered]

YANBU. It's the same here, and I feel very much the outsider. It's the kind of place where they want to know where your ancestors are buried before your views on local matters can be taken into account. However, some years ago we'd moved to a large village in Scotland and I found everyone really welcoming and inclusive. I was astonished when chatting to another mum to discover she hated it and found it horribly cliquey. And she was the local girl in that situation. Sometimes it's just about having the good luck to hook up with people you can relate to.

[slatternlymother]

I'm the mum at pickup who doesn't give a shit. I've got my own life, my own friends; I am casually polite and always say hello and make small talk.

But realistically, the only thing these other parents and I have in common, is our kids learn together. How can you make a solid friendship based on that?! I'm sure they're all lovely people, but it isn't a competition over how many friends I can make.

And as for 'alpha mummy'; let her have that if she wants it! Who cares! Bit pathetic really. I've moved on from the playground. All rather odd, for your social circle to be entirely revolving around the school gate.

[Inneedofbrandy]

Im with usual on this, people talk to their friends and neighbours they know already. I like dc parties especially when there's cake involved and most of the mums are nice. You just say hello blabla how's x getting on this term/ can't wait for half term/ would x like to come for tea. Then after x comes for tea you always smile an say hi after until you invite the next one or your dc get invited. I'm quite shit at social situations but schools always been fine for me.

[slatternlymother]

Good grief badger! See OP? You're better off out of it, sounds like their behaviour is worse than the kids!

[peedoffbird]

Yes Brecon that's true. I work so am not there all the time which doesn't help. There are a small handful of nice mums but I don't always see them. I do see some other mums who stand on their own but I don't know them. They are probably feeling the same as me so maybe I should just go and say hi. I'm usually quite ok with talking to people I don't know but the same rules don't seem to apply in the playground! I feel totally intimidated.

It is so cliquey that some of the groups actually have names!!

[qo]

I hated it too, thank God those days are behind me now (only just!!)

I became a master at fake texting!

[peedoffbird]

Slatternly I can assure you that my social circle does not revolve around the school playground. I try very hard to adopt the attitude that you have which is a positive one. Unfortunately, not all of us have your confidence and self belief. I don't have loads of friends anyway so it is all the more difficult.

[howardsway]

Its a shame to feel this way but you know school is all about your children's lives, not you!

School playground 'cliques' will represent many different random groups..people who have older/younger children also in the same classes (big group of these in my DC1's class), people who live in the same street or who's DC met at toddler groups. I happen to always chat to an ex colleague as our paths have randomly crossed again.

For the majority of people (yes even SAHM's!) the school run is just part of their day. They aren't really thinking about making new friends, especially once past reception or what anyone else is doing....its really not about you.

I was at school today, I know alot of people there but wasn't really in the mood to talk and just kind of stood there in a world of my own, didn't really talk to anyone. Not a conscious thing at all - wouldn't have thought about it if I hadn't thought about how it could be perceived.

Is your DC happy ? do they enjoy going to school ? Are they happy when they come out. Do you enjoy chatting to them about their day ? That's what the school run is all about. Then you get home and get on with your day.

[MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea]

All my friends I met at school, through children being friends.

[peedoffbird]

Old Bag and qo - magazine and fake texting is the way forward! It was the standing around looking that got me today.

I will stand proudly in the playground with a copy of The Sun in my hand - my ostracisation will be complete!!

[Dldj]

Here was me thinking that it was only me that felt like this in my child's school playground. went to a coffee morning today (alone) and it was horrid.. All the mums had conversations going on and I was left to sit alone and ignored.. Not even a friendly smile when someone caught my eye!!

It's so hurtful as I always go out of my way to help others and make them feel welcome! One new mum I was taking to as she was alone and now she's just part of the click and I'm left standing out in the cold!!

Rant over (for now) lol

X

[peedoffbird]

Good point Howardsway. My dd is happy there and ultimately, that is the most important thing. I don't actually think it's the social situation there that upsets me - more how I feel about myself in general. I don't want to make lots of friends there - just don't want to feel like I did today.

[peedoffbird]

Didj that's absolutely awful. sounds like you really tried hard too. Like others have said, it is so easy to stick to the people we know and harder to make an effort with new people. Still feels like crap though.

[Inneedofbrandy]

If you invite their dc over for tea and do your dc a class bdirthday party you will get to know the other mums and have people to make small talk to pass the 5 minutes. It will make it much pleasanter to have other parents to say hi to, they don't have to be your best friends!

[Dldj]

Yeah it wasn't pleasant.. But like you and others have said fake texting or good old fb helps to stop you feeling isolated on purpose.. :) x

[peedoffbird]

OldBag maybe if I had a mumsnet scarf and a copy of the Daily Mail then I could lure out all the mumsnetters! I bet there are a few in there.

Does a mumsnet scarf actually exist? If not, it should!

[Choufleur]

Yanbu. We moved to our village when ds was a toddler and I struggled to meet other mums/parents. I've found it easier since ds started school though. I've got to know other mums, mostly by inviting friends back for ds, and inviting the mums for a coffee when they pick their dcs up. I've also just stood near the same group whenever I pick up and made an effort to talk to them.

[Dldj]

Love it @oldbag.. I keep promising myself to speak my mind and say how I feel rather than get home and get all upset.. but I just can't seem to do it.. Being a people pleaser is hard work and something I wish I wasn't good at sometimes as it often back fires..