Giving up £60k job that I love to be SAHM

[Moomo]

After a lot A LOT of thinking I have pretty much decided not to go back to work and to be a SAHM - at least for a couple of years. But am giving up a £60k job that I really enjoyed to do so. DH earns £30k so it will be a massive drop in our income but I just can't face going back to work and leaving DS in childcare.

I was just wondering if anyone else has done the same thing and whether friends/family etc have been supportive as most people I tell think I am totally crazy and try and convince me not to do it. I'm not so worried about my career but a bit worried about the loss of income - we can still pay mortgage, bills etc but will be alot less luxuries/no saving/pension etc.

Would be really interested to know if anyone else has done the same/similar thing and how it worked out. I'm pretty confident of my decision but when everyone around me tells me I'm crazy I have moments of self doubt!

I'm still here and reading with interest. Thanks for your posts everyone - lots to think about!

I have skim read most pages, am interested as I am due to go back to work soon!

I went back to work part time when DS1 was 8 months old. As we were preparing for me to go back, we looked at childcare. I had this weird idea in my head that I didn't want to use a childminder, until I started visiting nurseries. There are three in our immediate vicinity and we both hated them all. I literally felt I could not leave DS1 there. (I am not criticising nurseries per se, btw, just these ones!!)

I started panicking and thinking that I would not be able to return to work - and we would have been living on a shoestring. I then started looking at childminders, found a lovely one, and immediately felt very different - seeing DS1 crawling round on the kitchen floor, being part of a family, made so much difference. 4 years later, he has just returned there after my second maternity leave, and is so happy he doesn't want to leave at the end of the day! Ds2 has settled quickly too. "Childcare" is a very broad term and finding the right type can make a massive difference.

Also, I completely understand how wrenching it is to leave your small baby, but I assure you it is MUCH harder to have to say you can't attend a school event, or that you won't be taking them to certain after-school clubs, activities, you won't be there for tea that day etc - I think many people think it will be so much easier to leave an older child but it isn't, and if they are used to a structure where you work, and they are settled and happy with carers, it makes things much easier, rather than having had you constantly available, and then adding you returning to work to them starting school, starting childcare and so on. Also, if you have been working for longer, it is easier to get work to be flexible so that you can be there for school plays, sports days, and all the millions of other events that you will feel massively guilty if you don't attend...!

For us, my working is the only way we can hope to save up enough to move on from our tiny HA flat, so we are very much thinking long term too.

Good luck with your decision

I am loving this thread - it is so interesting to read!

One can understand all aspects of the stay at home versus work debate really, and that's what makes it so hard. Whatever I do, I feel guilty.

I work full time, and find it stressful, tiring but also rewarding and I enjoy getting my pay check at the end of the month. It takes the pressure off DH too which is nice. I would love to go PT but my company won't allow it and I would rather stay with them until I have DC2 as, if I found a PT role, I would probably not get maternity leave allowance etc...

Although I am working FT, I would love to work PT as I really miss having fun and doing things with my DD and I'm sure she misses me too.

I don't understand when people say 'don't worry, it gets easier with time...' to me this means that you are doing it against your will, and would rather be with your child. It goes against nature.

I am interested to see the effects full time nursery will have on our children too, as it is really the first generation of proper nursery-goers... Previously it was neighbours, family etc who looked after the odd child who had two parents working.

Anyway good luck to all, it's not easy! And please don't judge others by your own standards.........

I didn't give up but went Part time. DP did lose his job and we try to live on my reduced salary. I hav enot been able to increase my hours.

Be careful

I did this and everyone thought I was mad, but I have no regrets. Having said that the big difference is that although my salary was about the same, I never particularly enjoyed my job so it a much easier decision. Not sure what I would have done in your shoes....

Good luck with whatever you decide x

EvieBear what gets easier with time is seeing your children happy in childcare and having the sleep situation settle down so you are not going to work absolutely knackered. I appreciate other parents have children who must sleep better than mine - my DC up the night waking on the least change in circumstances even when I am home FT!

Good for you! These years won't come back. You can get another job in a couple of years time - you've plenty of working years ahead of you! Worth cutting your cloth a bit now to enjoy your little one. Well done.
I see this thread is quite old - would love to know how you're getting on?