Giving up £60k job that I love to be SAHM

[Moomo]

After a lot A LOT of thinking I have pretty much decided not to go back to work and to be a SAHM - at least for a couple of years. But am giving up a £60k job that I really enjoyed to do so. DH earns £30k so it will be a massive drop in our income but I just can't face going back to work and leaving DS in childcare.

I was just wondering if anyone else has done the same thing and whether friends/family etc have been supportive as most people I tell think I am totally crazy and try and convince me not to do it. I'm not so worried about my career but a bit worried about the loss of income - we can still pay mortgage, bills etc but will be alot less luxuries/no saving/pension etc.

Would be really interested to know if anyone else has done the same/similar thing and how it worked out. I'm pretty confident of my decision but when everyone around me tells me I'm crazy I have moments of self doubt!

[fruitstick]

I also think that, given we are all going to be working until we are at least 70, it is nice to work less when your kids are little.

No point joining a bridge club once they've left home or made to look after their kids instead

[Oblomov]

Agree, with fennel. am focusing on the job you love bit. rare. my dh had a job for 20 years that he loved. if you've never had one, you don't know how good it can be. appreciate it. becasue they are few and far between. dh's spend more of their waking lives at work than they do anything else. saddened to think that my dh hasn't found a job that he likes, in the last 10 years. becasue work is such a huge part of life. he looks constantly, but they very very rarely come up.

[deepdarkwood]

I sort of did this. I was chief income earner - and at the time I gave up work, I was earning twice what dh was earning. I loved my job - BUT it meant giving 100%, and I wasn't prepared to do that any more - lots of evening work etc And dh would tell you it made me stressed and occasionally unpleasant to be around

But I didn't give it all up - I freelance instead - 2 days a week (at first, largely for my old company) - the money I earn is for 'treat' (ranging from holidays to replacing the boiler ) and savings/extra payments on mortgage. We manage financially, but we have to be much more sensible than we used to be, and lots of things that were feasible aren't any more. Is there no way you can look at pt working?

Btw, no-one told me they thought I was crazy.

[Sidge]

Gosh that seems quite drastic. It is a huge drop in income, you say you can afford it but how secure is your DHs job, have you really sat down and calculated every penny and worked out that you can afford a 60% income reduction? I imagine that would have quite an impact on your lifestyle.

Is working part time an option for you? Is it wanting to be at home that is so important or not wanting to use childcare? How old is your baby? I found maternity leave was so appealing I didn't want to go back but was actually glad to go back once I got back in the saddle, as it were. However much I love my children I think I'm a better mum for not being with them 24 hours a day 7 days a week, especially now that they are older.

IMO not all childcare is equal; there are some fabulous nurseries and CMs and some awful ones. A nanny could give you the flexibility you need and the 1-1 care you might want.

Only you can know what you would want to do, but do think of the longer term and not just the short term baby period.

Good luck!

[emy72]

I have done this when my DD1 was born - but 2 years later, when my DS1 was 8 months old - I was hitting the roof.

I was lucky enough to find a similar job, only through very good contacts - AND they let me work from home.

I realise how lucky I was and often wonder whether I took a massive risk. If I were you I would try and plan it a bit better than I did by:

1 - asking for a career break?
2 - leaving your job but looking at alternative options (retraining perhaps?)
3 - going part time for a while?

I hope it all works out for you. It isn't going to be easy whatever you decide...and YES that drop of income would scare me...

It's not all just about the basics as when children grow older they do become more expensive!!! ;o))))

[Laquitar]

We were the other way around, me 30K, dh much more, the decision was easy.

It will be a huge drop for you, it would make more sense if your dh stayed home. Or if possible you go part time?

Are you in London? If so, i suppose you 'only' lose 25k if you were going to hire a nanny. Plus travel, etc.

[Libra]

You say that you plan to go back to work in a couple of years time - is that a realistic possibility in your type of career?
What about thinking about both of you going part-time (both four days a week?) so that your child is in childcare for only a limited amount of time and you don't have the enormous drop in earnings.

I admit that I do love my job. I love my children more than my job of course, but I know that I am not cut out to be a full-time SAHM. I did do it for a year because we moved for DH's job and the entire family agrees that I am happier working (and so are they!).

Financially, we would struggle to cut down by so much. How does your DH feel about the enormous pressure that would be on him to provide 100% of the family income? I bring in slightly more than DH at the moment (it has varied from time to time) and I know he would feel very pressurised if I stopped working.

[Concordia]

we have done this, well the figures aren't quite so stark but gone from £75k pre kids to £29k with two kids. i worked part time for a while so we have eased down.
i am stressing a lot about money as we are running down savings (about 15K) and with our mortgage cannot live on DH's salary so within a couple of years i will have to find a job.
but at the moment i dont' regret it. stressing about money is not so bad as children being exhausted due to not sleeping in childcare etc etc and me being stressed and resentful.
it was never an option for us DH staying at home, he would go insane, and his job would be much harder to get back into after a career break.
i'm a bit frightened it will be hard to get back into the world of work though, after time away

[Concordia]

for me, career breaks and part time weren't the answer, i wanted to be a sahm

[megonthemoon]

Fruitstick talks a lot of sense.

You should seriously think about trying the return to work (either full or part time hours) for maybe 6-12 months. If you hate it you can then choose to be a SAHM later knowing that being a WOHM mum wasn't for you and knowing what you really are walking away from, but if you choose to walk away from it to be a SAHM and later decide that that isn't for you, it will be much harder for you to get back into a job you love as much for as much money and you might end up resentful of what you gave up. Also if you set yourself a 6-12 month trial period, you will get over the initial few months when you return where, if you're anything like me, you will hate it and just want to be with your baby!

I was earning similar to you, and DH was earning slightly less when I went on mat leave, but he had bigger career prospects and is now earning more.

I went back 3 days a week - still a bloody amazing salary on part time hours and very important for family finances, and for me balanced out the needs of me, my child and our family much better than working full time. One big proviso for me was that we went down the nanny route, and it was wonderful. I was happy knowing he was at home and well cared for rather than in a nursery setting (which were pretty grim near me). If you can afford to give up 60k completely then you can definitely afford to have a nanny, and I would suggest doing this, particularly if you decide to do a 'trial' period of working, as it will make your transition to work much easier than dealing with strict nursery drop off and illness policies. After a year, we moved house to a new area and found a lovely small nursery. Moved DS there just before his 2nd birthday when he seemed so much more ready for it, and he is thriving, and we have more disposable income. But I don't regret the money we spent on a nanny for that first year at all - money worth spending.

Like others have said, I actually think my presence at home will be more important when DCs are at school, so am working towards a situation where I can be more flexible then by earning money now to pay down extra on mortgage etc.

I empathise. Many people will be jealous of your situation as you are in a really lucky position - but that can make it hard as it isn't a no-brainer to either work or SAH.

[whatname]

I wouldn't burn all your bridges
I gave up my job to be a SAHM and now 3 years later really struggling to get back in.
And don't really want to do it, but have to for financial reasons.although I am looking forward to it now to get my independence back.
For the last 2 years I have had very little adult conversation and done absolutely nothing for me.
I would definitely explore all your options, re taking a career break.
You really don't know how you will feel, or what the future will bring.

[funnysinthegarden]

I did this, although not out of choice, but due to redundancy. I too was earning aprox £55k and DH was earning £30k, both part time roles.

I have to say that while I enjoyed it on a certain level, it made me realise that I am not SAHM material.

Have had another baby and am now going back to work fulltime. Working is most certainly the best option for me.

BTW financially, we just about survived.

[pixierara]

I did - in fact I gave up a 6 figure salary to be a SAHM. This was 7 years ago. The first 4 years were great, I really relished the while SAHM role but then started to get itchy feet. I have now set up my own business and work 2 days a week which for me is the happy medium.

The key thing we realised was how much money we wasted - I wouldn't think twice about buying a £500 handbag but now I am the queen of charity shops - my whole outlook changed actually (and for the better)

[funnysinthegarden]

pixi that was the one lesson for me too, just how much money we wasted. Am determined not to go back to my old ways!

[fruitstick]

yes - moisturiser

I also realised that your children's plates can come from Asda, not GLTC and they will still throw food on the floor.

My short term aim is to earn enough to cover the cost of a childminder, the grocery shopping and a cleaner. I don't need anything else.

Am still working on the cleaner but hopefully soon

[secunda]

I couldn't take that risk in this economic climate. Dropping from £90k to £30k is . How does your husband feel? It can be very stressful being the sole breadwinner, especially if you're not making mega-£££

[TrillianAstra]

Megonthemoon - what do you do? I want to move to a job that can be done part-time and still make decent money!

[megonthemoon]

Work for a big pharma company (although I'm not a scientist - business strategy type person). They seem to be some of the best companies at having interesting jobs that people can do part time, and very keen to keep hold of good people. Lots of family-oriented people at all sorts of senior levels, so I've never encountered any of those horrid issues that many people do. Plus because timelines are so long for developing products (closer to decades rather than months or years), nobody is going to lose time on a project if I'm only available on Tuesday rather than Monday! Basically if this wasn't going to work for me, then being a WOHM was never going to work for me.

Obviously there are not as many opportunities to move around and up as there are if you are FT, but PT opps are there and some FT roles will consider you moving into them on PT hours, and if I ever decide I want to go FT again then they will happily let me make that switch when it suits me.

Oh and pay and bens in pharma are really good. It's not just the salary that I would have walked away from but share options, pension etc.

[elastamum]

I gave up big salary (also in big bad pharma!!) to work part time and support my exh.

At the time he left us I had no income of my own at all for the first time in my career and had to start again. Fortunately I was still very well networked and quite quickly found a new job. Have had to go back to work ft to support everyone - its tough as I am a LP but am loving my job.

Just make sure it is what you really want and that you have a way back if you need it.

[verybusymummy]

This is a question I struggle with every day. I went back to work after 6mths (after each of my 2 DDs), and have to admit that I miss spending time with the kids, more now that they are pre-school age rather than babies. But on the other hand I am too ambitious to give up my career.

I think the middle ground is a good suggestion, if you can find work that is not too long hours, or that is suitable for part time, then why not have both - time with your kids and an outlet for adult conversation and challenge (or whatever it is that you love about your job).

One thing I would say for definite - there are lots of lovely caring nannies and nursery staff out there, I have generally been very impressed with the patience and care they have shown my children, as well as being much more organised than me so that the meals arrive on time, the milk doesn't run out etc.

[Moomo]

Wow, I went out for a walk and came back to lots more posts than I expected!

Not sure I can answer everyones questions but:

I do really love being at home with DS and even though I loved my job I love being at home more.

Although it might make more financial sense for DH to be a SAHD we would both be very very unhappy in that situation!

DH VERY happy for me to be SAHM as we both have lots of reservations about childcare.

We already live on DH's salary as I only get statutory maternity pay and we are outting it into savings to "experiment" with living on DH's salary. Has gone OK so far - less luxuries obviously but the days of swanky bars and dinners etc. are gone now anyway!

THe nanny options is definitely one I have thought about but I worked out that I woulld only get about £300 a month (working PT) after paying for the nanny which doesn't seem like very much to spend 3 days a week at work.

Have to go now as DS's dinner time but will come back later!

[omnishambles]

moomo - its easier living on the maternity pay though as in your head its short term - its much harder as it goes on and you cant afford holidays etc. Not to mention school fees if it comes to that.

I would listen carefully to elastamums worst case scenario as well - this also happened to me and my pt job made a massive difference to my prospects as a lp.

ps you may well want the swanky dinners and hols etc when the dcs are school age and it becomes possible again - not to mention taking them on big exodus family holidays - skiing etc - music lessons, tutoring, it goes on and on.

But if yours is a profession that you can get back into easily then go for it. If it isnt then dont underestimate how hard it is to pick it all back up again.

[secunda]

You also might want to take a look at the 'paying for university' thread. I know it seems a long way away, but I think supporting a family with a young child on £30k is a lot easier than paying for school trips, clothes, toys, various extra-curricular things for an older child.

[megonthemoon]

moomo - i appreciate the £300 per month argument - DH and I had that exact same debate - but actually it was £300 per month + car allowance + pension + share options in my case, and future options for jobs/careers. And now DS has moved to nursery - older so felt more suitable for him - my take home after childcare is much larger so the low take home was only temporary. So do bear in mind that returning to work is worth more than just the straight sum of salary minus nanny's salary.

I'm not trying to persuade you to return, just want to make sure you factor everything into the equation IYSWIM.

[Portofino]

£300 a month is not to be sniffed at!. That is meals out, a decent holiday, new clothes etc etc. And child care costs reduce over time...