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Original poster

i'll get flamed but why are stay home mothers so smug?

316 replies

wombleprincess · 29/08/2008 10:47

this is not a thread about the pros and cons of working/not working, i just wonder if anyone finds that stay at home mothers are really smug about the choice they've made? or is it just my experience? cant they just live and let live? I dont judge them, but they seem to be very judgemental about working mothers.

anyway, a friday topic for anyone at work trying to get through the day perhaps!!

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:46

no GDG, cos you're not smug about it. Therein lies the difference. I have no probs with SAHMs at all, just those who look down on us poor workers and who flaunt the trappings of someone else's earnings.

bodybag · 30/08/2008 23:48

what a stupid op.

themildmanneredstalker · 30/08/2008 23:50

'flaunt the trappings of someone elses earnings?'

you see -thats the mind of attitude i hate.

their HUSBANDS earnings. the man they are married to whose income they share?

Gobbledigook · 30/08/2008 23:52

I'm not smug because I work really, really hard and life is not as easy for me as I think it might look - like I say, I probably appear to be a non-working SAHM because I'm at school at every drop off and I'm on the PTA and always involved in school. The fact is I work all the time the kids are at school, plus a lot of my evenings and weekends on top in order to be able to do those things. I am fortunate to have that option, I do realise that, but it's nothing to be smug about cos it's not exactly a walk in the park and why would you look down on someone for not having that choice anyway?

Thinking about it, yes, there are people I've come across as you describe but I don't associate myself closely with them! THank goodness!

handlemecarefully · 30/08/2008 23:54

I also have a problem with someone else's earnings - how utterly chauvanist and ill informed. My husband does the 'salaried' work, but he is a bit more feminist in his perspective than you lilo (and your quaint retro opinions) since he, quite rightly, considers this to be 'our' earnings

themildmanneredstalker · 30/08/2008 23:54

one of the reasons i am a sahm is because i have NO support at all really here. My family all live miles and miles away and dh works away very frequently.
if i worked full time as well it would only take one very small 'incident' to scupper things completely.

what's to be smug about that?

BloodySmartarse · 30/08/2008 23:54

actually lilo, as someone who lives off the trappings of anothers earnings, i am well aware at all times that none of it is really 'mine', nor was any of it earned, nor do i 'deserve' any of it any more than the next person.
i think you are projecting your own prejudices there, y'know.

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:55

MMJ, am not talking about SAHMs in general there. Am talking only about a very small subset who think they are superior because they have high earning DH's, live in massive houses, go abroad every school holiday, don't work - and look down their noses at anyone who doesn't fit that profile. It's not a blanket statement about SAHMs, which I think is clear from my posts???

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:57

Obviously not clear from my posts given other people's comments. I am NOT talking about every SAHM here, just a small subset with bad attitude. Not all of you. Ok?

BloodySmartarse · 30/08/2008 23:57

id love to really feel it was 'ours'.
too ingrained in me not to.
luckily for me, he feels otherwise and tells me so often.
and i just get on with it.
strangers looking down on me for that alone... well, theyre pretty low on my esteem radar tbh.

BloodySmartarse · 30/08/2008 23:58

oh.
right.
sorry then lilo - for getting all defensive there! projecting my own insecurities there, i reckon!

lilolilmanchester · 31/08/2008 00:04

for those who are flaming me and haven't read all the posts, this is my first post on this thread:

"I have some sympathy with your OP but I don't think you can generalise. Not all SAHMs are smug. I do know a few very smug SAHMs, who live in huge houses, have several holidays a year, refresh their wardrobes every season and look down their noses at me because i live in a relatively small house and have to work. They say they wouldn't work because of their children - but then they haven't had to sacrifice a very nice life in doing so. But not all SAHMs are like that. I also know SAHMs who really struggle to feed and clothe their families but passionately believe they are doing the right thing, and they are the people I envy because I haven't had the balls to give up a half-way decent life for my DCs. Not a simple question IMO "

BloodySmartarse · 31/08/2008 00:08

i sympathise lilo.
i dont know people who look down their noses at me.
if and when i come across people like that, i dismiss them as irelevent. water off a ducks back.
ive enough to worry about without bothering with the opinions of twats.
leastways, thats what i think i do/would do...

thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 00:09

Bloodysmartarse - I know how you feel on that score - my DH earns the vast majority of our income and I earn enough with working at home to deflect any criticism about the amount of chocolate I eat (as it's G&B choc, it's not the cheapest - although Tesco are doing 2 bars for £2.50 at the mo) - i he whinges, I say my earnings pay for my chocolate. If I didn't earn anything, I wouldn't have that excuse (and might have to curb my chocolate consumption )

lilolilmanchester · 31/08/2008 00:10

thanks BloodySmartarse,I really appreciate your taking the time to read what I wrote. You are right - and I should try to ignore it. It's hard when you work really hard for less reward than others who don't work and they look down on you - but that's life and I should be grown up enough to get over it. That will be my objective for the new term!

handlemecarefully · 31/08/2008 00:13

Do you think you might be imagining that people are looking down at you? What makes you think they are. I am a well off SAMH (statement of fact - not smuggery). I don't look down on people with less materially than me - why should I? Is it all in your head do you think?

lilolilmanchester · 31/08/2008 00:14

no, it's in their comments, not in my head. But enough said on the topic. Anyone who is at our school will know what I mean.

handlemecarefully · 31/08/2008 00:14

However I do know that people mutter about me (what does she do all day / she has a dog walker / gardener and cleaner fgs and she doesn't work).....it mostly doesn't bother me (well it does - about 1 out of scale of 1-10 )

vixma · 31/08/2008 00:15

I also happy, elfs clean my home..Angles look after my son...and dwalves bring in an income (they are all police checked). I do wonder about my taxes...not. Whatever you do, someone may dissaprove single, together, etc.

thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 00:16

i preferred the smug animal sideline of this thread

bramblebooks · 31/08/2008 00:18

prowling fox-like thru slubber(who has very nice rapunzel-like locks)'s bins in search of gin remnants.

eartha kitt growl noise emoticon

agreeing with muchlesstirednow

And the Camels. Do you think we could use owls to make them fly like those girls on strings in the recent Olympics?

handlemecarefully · 31/08/2008 00:19

thumbwitch - it's only vigorous debate. Don't take it to heart so!

thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 00:20

many, many owls per camel - probably a bit tricksy. Interesting thought though...

Flossyjim · 31/08/2008 00:39

Could those WOHM's possibly take that smugness the wrong way? When actually they are jealous?

lilolilmanchester · 31/08/2008 00:44

I am most definitely jealous, I'll admit that. But mature enough to cope with the jealousy. And should be mature enough to shrug off the smugness. If you haven't experienced it, then you don't know what it' like. But am going to try hard to not get uptight about it in future.