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Original poster

i'll get flamed but why are stay home mothers so smug?

316 replies

wombleprincess · 29/08/2008 10:47

this is not a thread about the pros and cons of working/not working, i just wonder if anyone finds that stay at home mothers are really smug about the choice they've made? or is it just my experience? cant they just live and let live? I dont judge them, but they seem to be very judgemental about working mothers.

anyway, a friday topic for anyone at work trying to get through the day perhaps!!

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 12:05

BSA - love the fact that you have a treeful of "pet" owls - soooo lucky.

I think goats would have to be chained together in pairs, nose to nose (so that one was always walking backwards) to maintain any sort of concentration and prevent said brownian motion.

Another idea (one I sort of got while I was watching the Edinburgh Tattoo) we could put bagpipe players on the back of the camels and goats on bicycles? The bagpipers would be able to stun the camels into some kind of stupor and the goats would have to cycle the bikes to try and get away (DISCLAIMER: I actually really like the sound of bagpipes so am not being rude about them)

Tinysocks - I think that shows the woman's complete ignorance. How rude! Pity her for her lack of manners.

bramblebooks · 31/08/2008 13:05

thumbwitch - I think we have an entire new Olympiad category. I vote for owl flicking. This is a team event. Owls would be wedged between the water/fat-plumped humps of a bactrian camel, facing away from the flicker. The team-mate would commence staring in order to distract the owl so that it did not stare behind itself, putting the participants at risk of blindness. When the owl reached haute-haught would be flicked by the flicking athelete. Points for trajectory would be awarded as well as distance before plummeting.

This event works even better when narrated in the Geordie voice of the big brother commentator. Day 3 and slubber is still staring down the Armenian Eagle owl...

thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 16:09

bramblebrooks!

RubyRioja · 31/08/2008 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giraffescantdancethetango · 31/08/2008 16:16

im still lmao at

I do nice neat poos

from page 2

bramblebooks · 31/08/2008 17:47

Ruby, how about balancing polos on camels - dromedaries and seeing which ones fall off last. You could escalate the difficulty categories by putting them in towers.

Janni · 31/08/2008 17:47

Thanks for your answers, Xenia.

Nannies are the preserve of the reasonably wealthy, so certainly not an answer for low income families.

I used the word 'inferior' precisely because you did!

Interesting answer to my third question. If you will allow for evolutionary promptings in the search for a mate, would you not also allow women to spend a little bit of time answering the evolutionary call to nurture their babies themselves?

So far the US VP has not had a great press on mumsnet, btw!

Judy1234 · 31/08/2008 18:04

If women think mothers can't go back to work quickly when they have a baby they are being incredibly sexist. I was taking business calls when my twins were 12 hours old. Pregnancy is not an illness and neither is birth and if some women can't do anything but basically lie in bed for 8 weeks after birth then may be they are inferior to us who are capable of more!

daftpunk · 31/08/2008 18:27

blimey! and i thought i was doing well getting my hair washed within a month of giving birth.

supermindermum · 31/08/2008 18:30

Xenia - what about bonding with your babies? You sound inferior to most mothers who actually want to have time away from work to care for their newborns.

ScottishMummy · 31/08/2008 18:59

xenia business calls at 12hrs,i didnt know whether it was New York or New Year 12days later

jellybeans · 31/08/2008 19:00

What if you would rather meet your babies needs than some companies? (and can afford to do so)

choufleur · 31/08/2008 19:04

I take it you didn't have a particularly bad pregnancy or traumatic birth then xenia?

Janni · 31/08/2008 19:42

Good for you, Xenia and I really mean that. If your physical and mental constitution is such that that is how you want to live your life - great. It would be wrong and dangerous, however, for it to be considered the norm! There is nothing sexist about this. If it were men giving birth and lactating I would be equally concerned about them trying to resume their every day life as soon as the baby/babies had popped out.

Janni · 31/08/2008 19:49

And does 'the sisterhood' of which you like to speak apply only in the boardroom? I would hate to label my postnatal sisters 'inferior' if they needed to heal, establish breastfeeding and catch up on sleep rather than get straight on the blackberry.

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 31/08/2008 20:14

Xenia as you usual you're not really grasping what is a huge issue for the majority of mothers. Whether they're more or less capable than you are, or inferior or superior to George Bush, they still have to have somebody to care for their baby.

If they have two babies, then their chances of earning enough are greatly reduced.

I don't know how much you earn, but surely you must realise that it's well above average.

thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 21:48

I find Xenia's post
a) incredibly insular - OBVIOUSLY if she can do it, there is no reason why anyone else should be different?
b) really quite offensive, suggesting that women who might like to bond with their babies are somehow inferior to work- obsessed orientated women
c) really sad; I feel for her babies - they have a mum who thinks business is more important than total devotion to their needs 12 hours after they are born.

Get out into the real world more and meet some real women.

ScottishMummy · 31/08/2008 21:59

like xenia posts, always articulate,always different.strident yes but so are many others too

Quattrocento · 31/08/2008 21:59

Well I'm a real woman and I was at a meeting the day I gave birth, Not after the birth but shortly before. And DD was two weeks late.

Work is necessary for me personally and for us as a family unit - it pays the bills.

ScottishMummy · 31/08/2008 22:04

because xenia take atypical line on this topic doesn't mean she doesn't know what she is talking about

TheDuchessOfNork · 31/08/2008 22:20

xenia is a lightweight. I'm an MD, have never taken maternity leave, look after my 4 DCs myself and run a farm. And still have time to MN. Life is bliss.

themildmanneredstalker · 31/08/2008 22:22

god i love the hide button...POW!

Janni · 31/08/2008 22:25

I agree, Xenia's posts are thought-provoking and sometimes informative.

What I object to from any MNer, though, is the inference that theirs is the only way to raise a child/conduct a relationship and that anyone who disagrees is an inferior being.

thumbwitch · 31/08/2008 22:27

bramblebrooks - think the polo idea is reasonable but the polos would be too small to show in a multi-thousand person arena - would need to be the size of quoits! And you have the risk factor of the camelids trying to eat them as well (I know horses like them, don't know about camelids)

Judy1234 · 01/09/2008 07:40

I know most women don't choose to take business calls the day after a birth but it's a lot easier than dealing with a 1 and 3 year old which I also had the day after a birth.

What I object to is public opprobrium by other mothers when any woman does choose to continue to work and yet men are allowed to all the time. And the comments above by the way are pretty offensive. Working mothers bond. It isn't a choice of bond or work. That's a ridiculous sexist myth. Some mothers at home have trouble bonding, it's not a work issue. I felt very very bonded to all five babies. We breastfed for hours, I cuddled them for ages, spent as much time as I could with them and it was easier with the twins as I was based at home by then but I still feel and felt bonded to the three children who are 20/21/23 now.