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Original poster

i'll get flamed but why are stay home mothers so smug?

316 replies

wombleprincess · 29/08/2008 10:47

this is not a thread about the pros and cons of working/not working, i just wonder if anyone finds that stay at home mothers are really smug about the choice they've made? or is it just my experience? cant they just live and let live? I dont judge them, but they seem to be very judgemental about working mothers.

anyway, a friday topic for anyone at work trying to get through the day perhaps!!

OP posts:
Janni · 30/08/2008 22:32

A few other questions for Xenia:

  1. Do you make any allowances for mothers of adopted children, those with special needs or chronic health problems?

  2. Should mothers who fit in some paid work around their children's timetable feel inferior to those who work full time but superior to those who do no paid work?

  3. Do you disapprove of interbreeding between public and private sector employees since a high ranking public sector employee will still earn considerably less than, for example, a City lawyer. If the parents cannot possibly contribute 50:50 to the household income because of this disparity, should they refrain from reproduction?

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 22:46

I have some sympathy with your OP but I don't think you can generalise. Not all SAHMs are smug. I do know a few very smug SAHMs, who live in huge houses, have several holidays a year, refresh their wardrobes every season and look down their noses at me because i live in a relatively small house and have to work. They say they wouldn't work because of their children - but then they haven't had to sacrifice a very nice life in doing so. But not all SAHMs are like that. I also know SAHMs who really struggle to feed and clothe their families but passionately believe they are doing the right thing, and they are the people I envy because I haven't had the balls to give up a half-way decent life for my DCs. Not a simple question IMO

MuchLessTiredNow · 30/08/2008 22:48

do you know what - just ben reading a couple of the ttc threads - we're bloody lucky to be able to get steamed up about it one way or the other..... let's live and let live eh? (Xenia, you too)

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 22:58

well said MuchLessTiredNow

MuchLessTiredNow · 30/08/2008 23:00

thanks lilo

Janni · 30/08/2008 23:01

Lilolil - surely the rich SAHMs you know are looking down on you not because they're SAHMs but because they're materialistic snobs!

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:04

think you're right Janni. It's kind of "we have really nice lives and don't have to do much to earn it, unlike you, you poor thing"

Janni · 30/08/2008 23:24

Well, they sound awful if it's any consolation!

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:26

they're ok in some ways Janni, it's the smugness that really gets to me tho. "I'm so tired, I was up all night trying to decide where we'll go skiing for our 5th holiday this year" type stuff, when I've been working 14 hour days and don't know which way is up! Sour grapes? You bet!!!

Janni · 30/08/2008 23:29
Grin
themildmanneredstalker · 30/08/2008 23:29

ok what about smug wohm who stand next to you in their business suits as they climb in to their sports cars and look at you in your baby sick stained t shirt and say 'oh you are so lucky to be a sahm'

no i am not lucky. i have made a choice just like you have made a choice.

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 30/08/2008 23:30

I'm not. I'm a shambles.

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:33

I agree, we all make choices. I've made mine, and hopefully don't really moan about it. But some people do have MORE of a choice, and I do get hacked off at people who judge me for working when they have given up work but haven't had to give up any of life's luxuries.

themildmanneredstalker · 30/08/2008 23:35

if you are confident and happy with your choice and it works for your family then you shouldn't really a rats arse what anybody else thinks.

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 30/08/2008 23:36

It's the media who stir it all up.

In real life, my friends and I all understand eachother's choices. Tis only media and forums where these stupid rows occur. Can anybody imagine falling out with a real friend in RL !?!?

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:38

hear what you're saying, and agree, but it really is tough when you are working mad hours and don't have anything like the lifestyle of those looking down their noses at you. They just happened to marry people whose jobs pay a lot. And I mean silly money.

themildmanneredstalker · 30/08/2008 23:38

and i have found plenty of wohms whi judge like crazy. practically from the minute my son was born people were asking when i was going back to work and the comments when i said i wasn't!

i have had people make the most personal comments ever! i have had someone say that dh buys his own birthday presents![because i don't earn the money]
that my kids miss out by not being in childcare.
i have had people assume i am thick. i have had people turn away and talk to someone else after i said that i look after my kids and don't work.

when push comes to shove-you do what is right for your family.

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:40

I get it both ends - work part-time and my full-time colleagues can't understand why I'd compromise my career! I've made my choices, wouldn't change my choices. But can't change my/DH's career choices and therefore lower income than some. But we're happy and money can't buy that can it?

TheNaughtiestGirlIsaMonitor · 30/08/2008 23:40

true mmj. My working friend who I really get on with is always asking me if I'm bored and so on. I get her decision, but I don't think she really 'gets' mine.

This is just personal experience, but the most bored I've ever been was when I was working. I used to look at the clock every two minutes when I was really bored.

Gobbledigook · 30/08/2008 23:42

Who are these people? Nobody has ever made comment to me about what I do or don't do work wise. I've got a mixture of friends in the sense that some are SAHM, some work part time, some work full time (and I'm somewhere in the middle as a freelancer but I bet most parents in the playground think I don't work because I'm always at school) - I don't think any of us judges another tbh.

handlemecarefully · 30/08/2008 23:42

Oh crap to the OP - I don't give a toss what other mothers decide to do; as long as it doesn't impinge on me and mine.

BloodySmartarse · 30/08/2008 23:43

i am a sahm
i v rarely have cause to be smug about anything much.

lilolilmanchester · 30/08/2008 23:43

you obviously stand with different people than I do in the playground GDG. Think about it, you'll know at least a couple I'm referring to!

Gobbledigook · 30/08/2008 23:44

Or maybe I'm naive and some parents judge me because they think I'm a SAHM and I must have a rich husband?! If only! I don't know and though and I don't really care quite honestly!

Gobbledigook · 30/08/2008 23:45

Ha ha - am LOL because I know certainly of one or two you probably mean! Ha ha ha ha ha!

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