Morning MNers. I wanted to say a massive thank you to people who replied to my panicked thread on Tuesday about being called to HR. And thank you to people who DMed me as well. It was such a big help to get some perspective and to know how to prepare. Thank you!
Here’s the original thread: Page 40 | Called to HR for behaviour at an after-work event. Thoughts, please... | Mumsnet
Right, an update:
I had the meeting with HR this morning. It was a fact-finding meeting. I took a colleague from another department who made copious notes.
Basically, a complaint has been lodged against the guy who asked me “Why aren’t you drinking?” because he made inappropriate and unprofessional comments to a junior female member of staff after I’d left the drinks reception last week.
In response, he’s lodged a counter-complaint to say that he was ostracised and bullied at the event by several women. I am one of the women he's named, saying that I spoke unprofessionally and condescendingly, citing a couple of Respect At Work type policies. He hasn't lodged complaints about individual women but, I think, about the event and event organisers itself saying that they/it created a non-inclusive and hostile atmosphere for men, partly perpetrated by the women who were mean to him. The event itself was about a "woman's issue" so, yes, it was mostly of interest to women.
HR wanted to hear my side of the story which I told them as recommended by several posters (thank you again!). I told them he asked me an intrusive and unprofessional question which could raise issues re. several protected characteristics. I told them that I tried giving “soft no” answer as a social cue to avoid social awkwardness or embarrassment (i.e. the thing he’s accusing me of), then moved to be firm and clear (as taught on the leadership course) before I left the conversation.
I said that if my experience is anything to go by, his perception of being “ostracised” or “bullied” is very likely to be women setting professional boundaries – there are a few policies that talk about this which I cited.
HR said that its very unlikely his complaint will go anywhere, but they have to hear everything that happened that evening and fully investigate. I’m just waiting to hear back about that.
They’re going to use what happened to me (him persistently asking why I’m not drinking) as evidence of a pattern of his behaviour that evening in support of the original complaint about him.