Didn’t get the job. I know the person who did. Help me get over the disappointment.

[IndigoBlueMauve]

So my boss is leaving and I got an interview for his job. My interview was okay but not brilliant. I’m just not very good at interviews. I wasn’t expecting to have gotten it after my performance but you always hope. To be honest, I thought they would pick the other internal candidate and while I wouldn’t have been thrilled to miss out, they’re alright and seem like a good manager.

Apparently an external candidate came in and “smashed it”. Unfortunately, it’s someone I know. I previously worked alongside them. I know that they’re great at interviews. Must be as they change jobs every couple of years.

I also know they’re considerably better at interviews than they are in role. When I worked alongside them doing pretty much the same job at the same place (not where we work now) they delivered way less and took much longer to do it. Don’t get me wrong they’re competent but, well, that’s it. I also know ex-colleagues we both worked with rate me and the work I delivered much more highly.

So I’m feeling pretty peeved right about now. How do I handle my disappointment with not getting the job - and more particularly my disappointment at who did? They’re going to be my manager. Advice welcome.

And yes, I want to stay at the company, at least for the time being.

Thanks that did give me a good laugh! Appreciated it. Especially in the context of some of the other posts from people who haven’t been as kind and seem to have made some interesting assumptions about me/what I did!

I always think job hopping is a red flag. Two years is enough to show you’ve made the effort, but around then is when audits happens and issues appear in work. I’d say even if the appointed person stays it’s a ticking clock now - practise interview techniques - do you know any HR people from other companies that could do you practise interviews? Read up about STAR. And try and get comfortable with being proud of your achievements as you’ll need to big yourself up at interviews.

Crikey, is this a thing people do?

Thinking in the moment, making sure I’m hitting all the STAR points and competences etc is absolutely one of my weaknesses.

If the person who got the job over you is female, is she attractive? Just asking because every job I've interviewed for where another female candidate was conventionally attractive, they ended up getting the job. Hmmm..... (many of them didnt last long/moved on quickly though).

I think sometimes being the internal candidate is hard as you can’t, or can find it more difficult to talk up your role in things when everyone knows the team effort that it was and you usually play up when taking about it internally. When you’re external it’s a lot easier to say ‘I delivered’ rather than ‘we delivered’.

I think I’ve seen every combination of appointing externals who’ve been a brilliant infusion of new blood, to complete disasters (including where I firmly said shouldn’t pass probation but was overruled, which turned into a car crash and cost us a lot in both losing good staff and delivering a poor service), to doing ok but meant we lost some good experienced staff who hadn’t got the role, to appointing internals when giving them benefit of the doubt when it worked well and they flourished, to being disappointing and giving us a management headache. Anyone who can develop how to figure out which way it will work out will make a fortune.

i would say that the disappointed internals who behave well eg ask for feedback to learn from it, ask for opportunities to fill gaps, been welcoming to the successful candidate etc generally go on to do well. Those who sulk (not talking about immediate disappointment) or really don’t cooperate really mark their cards. Absolutely not saying the OP is going to do this though.

ive also been in the position of having someone appointed to manage me who clearly wasn’t suitable, and that was after having been bullied badly by a previous line manager. It was hard - and I did move on.

I’ve been there and felt devastated by not getting my boss’s job. I stuck it out and decided to look around but leave only for something that was 100% right for me, not just jump ship straight away. Eventually the perfect opportunity came my way and I left on good terms but they really miss me and I’m a million times happier and much more appreciated in my new role. Hang in there and make this work for you 💐

Ive always found internal interviews harder. You can't embellish things as much, there's a tendency to under explain situations as you know they already know the situation... but that's not how the scoring works.

I know someone who is absolutely fantastic at interviews but mediocre at the job and has a very snooty attitude to boot. They managed to get promoted twice in a year from a junior role to now on the senior team! Don't know how they did it.

That’s awful OP I feel for you.
It’s a pity you didn’t have the chance to say oh I’ve worked with them before…
Try and keep an open mind but I’d be feeling like you are

It can be a red flag but it can also be very smart and fast track your promotion and salary.

Absolutely, I agree with every word of this.

I was busy doing all the work they should’ve been doing! They did, however, get to do some “shiny” stuff that’ll have made great interview fodder. 🙄

Were you though? Or were you doing your job and they were doing theirs?

I’ve had reports who were resentful about not getting promoted, but each and every one of them lacked insight into their own development areas and couldn’t begin to come up with a plan for gaining the necessary experience and skills to move up. They just assumed it would happen organically. I’m passionate about developing people, but they have to show me they know what they need.

If it’s just poor interview technique, that’s a learned skill, so learn it.

If it's helpful OP, you can learn to get better at interviews. It's just practice and refining a skill! Like anything. I used to lament how people were employed above me who were much worse than me - then I decided to start learning how to shout about my accomplishments and interview well. Now I'm senior, earn a lot of money and don't have a particularly busy job. If you want to get ahead, just practice and learn what you need to do!

Yes. In retrospect, I realise I was naive about the workload distribution. My workplace understanding, awareness of internal politics and my boundaries are much stronger now. We live and learn. Thanks for the comment.

What now? You’ve always not got the job and been second place to a Better looking woman? What kind of job do you do for goodness sake?

Model?

I use this question, which is very enlightening.

Describe an instance where you wish you had handled a situation with a colleague differently. What lessons did you learn?

It's a lovely little question and highlights the people who can either not see how their actions contributed to the situation or the people who blame others and nothing is ever their fault.

They’ll have a probation review, so be honest and if you truly feel they aren’t performing don’t be afraid to feed this back. But give them a chance first

I’d ask for detailed feedback on your interview and what you could have done better so at least you gain something from this

No other words of advice but offering solidarity!
I was at a job interview this week for a teaching post, I was sat waiting outside the interview room next to an internal candidate and literally 5 people walked up to them to say good luck and hope you get it. Nice for them, but as an external candidate it is so hard to get your head back in the game when you know there are people hoping you fail.
Anyway, dealing with interview disappointment is so tough, be kind to yourself and wait and see what the next few months bring xx

You say you're not good at interviews, but you'll be better at the next one, think of the positives in your interview and for the next one prep what you think they'll be asking about.

I think you just live and learn with these things, think what could you have done better and save it in your mind. Keep going over it so your technique improves. If this person isn't great, just let them make their mistakes. You stay out of it.

I've been rejected versus another internal candidate, who was younger/less experienced but was Oxbridge and brilliant! I have to say I handled it badly, moped around, feeling like everyone was judging me. I should have held my head high but just did the poor me thing. In the end I left for a much better paid role but wished id been more professional at the time. The reality was my boss was more impressed with my colleague and I had no real chance. Colleague also left soon after.

Proper thorough interview prep covering all bases is a learned skill. Especially with what employers demand these days. If you can’t do it yourself with help, I advise you getting external help even though you’re not a careerist. This can be online tips and going through interviews with friends. I also make notes. And read them. If you’re happy to stay in your job and not progress much then don’t worry about it.

You should ideally know everything for an interview inside out, up down and around. Get interview questions practice answers. Watch out for curve balls. Think on your feet to an extent. Don’t be a robot interviewee. Add your character but not too much.

You’re interviewing them as much as they are you but ultimately they want to see what you bring to the table, add value, make lives easier or bring money, whatever’s required.

Otherwise as I said, don’t bother. Stick with what you’ve got. Nothing wrong with doing that.

I've gotten to the point where I only do what they LITERALLY ask me to do when I am doing a task that THEY should be doing.

I am also putting THEIR name on it, not mine. I did think mine would highlight that it was me doing it, but nothing changed...so I am just revealing them for being as shit as they are.