Didn’t get the job. I know the person who did. Help me get over the disappointment.

[IndigoBlueMauve]

So my boss is leaving and I got an interview for his job. My interview was okay but not brilliant. I’m just not very good at interviews. I wasn’t expecting to have gotten it after my performance but you always hope. To be honest, I thought they would pick the other internal candidate and while I wouldn’t have been thrilled to miss out, they’re alright and seem like a good manager.

Apparently an external candidate came in and “smashed it”. Unfortunately, it’s someone I know. I previously worked alongside them. I know that they’re great at interviews. Must be as they change jobs every couple of years.

I also know they’re considerably better at interviews than they are in role. When I worked alongside them doing pretty much the same job at the same place (not where we work now) they delivered way less and took much longer to do it. Don’t get me wrong they’re competent but, well, that’s it. I also know ex-colleagues we both worked with rate me and the work I delivered much more highly.

So I’m feeling pretty peeved right about now. How do I handle my disappointment with not getting the job - and more particularly my disappointment at who did? They’re going to be my manager. Advice welcome.

And yes, I want to stay at the company, at least for the time being.

Sympathies OP. I'm another who is better at doing the job than at interviewing and (having been on and run interview panels) am not convinced that they always identify the best person for the role.

You definitely can't say anything negative about the person before they start, it will look like sour grapes.

Hopefully they will either prove to be a decent manager and perform well in the role, or will be looking for their next role in a year or so leaving the position for the taking.

I think you will have to try to face it with good grace, give them benefit of doubt and if you do find yourself leaning in and supporting them make sure the senior managers are aware of what a supportive team player and stable pair of hands you are....

Obviously 🙄

And it is something I have been working on. But I’m never going to be one of those people who blithely talk up their achievements, over amplifying their role or accomplishments and making what they did do sound better than what happened. Or worse someone who really thinks they achieved stuff they didn’t.

Tbh given the particular questions asked I’m not sure how much the learning and prep helped in this case anyway.

I will of course be outwardly accepting with good grace because I am a professional, I’m good at my job and I want to do it well. I just hope stuff isn’t going to go to shit with a “Peter” manager.

Depends on your role and what they use (points). All I know is when I really concentrated on interviews, went through them thoroughly with a neighbour (ex teacher) and practised interviewing with her, I aced interviews. She was much better than the boutique recruitment agency I’d used though they did have good q and a sheet. I’d even go so far to say that I’d use a career coach concentrating on interviews and see that as an investment in my career. I know a very good one, personal friend of family who has her own company and employs coaches (ex head teacher, specialises in head teachers and teaching but also works in other industries, has written/published a book), if you’d like a recommendation.

To be fair, you recall the questions asked, that’s what they will/may ask you in future interviews (I’m guessing) so concentrate on improving those.

I used to ace interviews when younger (they were for easier jobs but my personality helped) as I progressed and got higher in my career more prep and different questions/areas were asked of me/about/addressed. I had to learn about them and tailor to different industries as I switched industry.

Thank you for the sympathies, yes that’s pretty much what I plan on doing. It just rankles so, SO much.

I’m not a careerist , I don’t want to be and to be honest I don’t think a great deal of those who job hop and get ahead.

I’ve been loyally working for the organisation for a long time, I’m well qualified and, well, where’s the recognition? Personal circs mean leaving isn’t a great option at the moment.

A friend of mine always asks for a copy of the interview questions afterwards, and has built up quite a bank of practice questions.

I also think it's unfair of your managers to say they smashed it, rather than just that they were able to give fuller answers/more specific examples etc. No need for them to rub it in.

While it sucks, this is the frame work they're using so for future roles you need to play the game. You say you're not someone who will big themselves up and talk about their achievements but you have to as they're only judging you on what happens in that room so you need to blow them away. As others have said,this is something you can learn. You might disagree with the system but they're unlikely to change it. My advice would be to note down the questions you can remember for future reference. Then really think about your achievements no matter how uncomfortable that may seem and then use the STAR method to turn them into good mini summaries. Rehearse those scenarios and you can use them for future interviews if you get another opportunity. If you keep using the same approach you're likely to be unsuccessful again. Best of luck for the future.

Good idea, thank you.

I think it can sometimes be harder to get the job as an internal candidate because it's like family - you have seen all their weaknesses as well as their strengths and there's no excitement factor. Whereas an external candidate can feel like a new energy, an unknown promise, and feel more exciting as well as mixing up stale existing dynamics. That's all by way of saying that maybe you would never have got the job anyway and it was nothing to do with your interview performance. If you want promotion I would suggest looking elsewhere because where you are clearly don't see you as promotion material and it will be good for your self respect to move on.

I had this and it sucked. Huge sympathies.

i ‘accepted with good Grace’, and got strategic. I stopped letting my manager present my work ( ie as their own) but started asking to be present in some of the senior meetings ‘to raise my profile.’

think strategically about what you want ( ie to stay in the role, get on with your team/ manager, be in their role in 2-3 years) and look at the steps you need to get there. Get thorough feedback on both your interview performance and why they picked them instead of you. Look at the differences. Work out how to eliminate these and how to get evidence. Eliminate their excuses. Make a note in your diary to assess your progress on this monthly. Work at it, this time next year you will be in a much better position AND can prove it.

How much is the job about manging people? As that is a different skill set to just delivering work.

She did not pick herself for the job. She just did her best at the interview and was selected.
So don’t let any disappointment show in how you are towards her. Show your managers you are someone they can rely on, who is adaptable and flexible to support a new manager.
Ask for feedback from the interview. And listen to where you can improve for next time.

FWIW I was someone who was resented for being promoted. Some people plainly decided to make my life harder than they should have done. They were not supposed to be secondary interviewers. And I got a rougher ride than the person they would have preferred.
Don’t be that person ! It is hard enough doing a new job with a new load of managers who have their expectations of you without having people who resent you before you have even done anything.

It happens. I narrowly lost out on a job and found out I’d lost to someone who’d recently left and who, to put it politely, hadn’t shone when working with us.

Sorry you missed out on the role. I know that must be really disappointing.

However it doesn’t sound like you have worked with the successful candidate for a quite a long time. And if he moves on every couple of years, you can’t have been working with him for that long when you did. People grow and develop. I’d reserve the judgement and go move forward with an open mind. If you’re stuck in this narrative then it’ll just make you needlessly unhappy.

My latest hire was a great interview and now I know them better I'd love to hear the other side of some of the experiences.

I think your point about genuinely believing they achieved stuff they didn't is the key - lying in an interview doesn't work you have to firmly believe you were instrumental in XYZ and then you come across really confident.

I think for you it is a case of waiting it out. Maybe it will be a disaster maybe it won't but people like this, whatever their personal circumstances, tend to move on as soon as they get found out.

I work in a place where I'm bewildered by some of the people who have senior roles. They seem great at speaking corporate jargon and have billy bullshit vibes. I sometimes wonder if I'm never going to get to their pay grade because I'm not willing to spend a life rambling about "actionable deliverables" while seemingly not doing much actual work - I try to see the funny side of the situation and take refuge in my lovely team who feel much the same.

I'm job hunting myself & going through interviews, it's good to be reflective but don't let it knock your confidence, sometimes I think it's a sign that maybe you need a change & to look at what else is out there, I'm sure you've got loads to offer & lots of transferable skills - maybe it's time to move onto another company, you've got options and you might find your perfect role elsewhere ❤️ x

I have no intention of being that person. It’s not who I am.

This
so you will get your chance OP I’m sure 👌

That will be good for you both…

I had a friend like this. Brilliant at interviews. Mediocre employee. Moved on constantly with good references because employers were glad to get rid of her. I worked with her in 2 different organisations and she was below average in her performance.

The problem is that others don’t always see us as we do ourselves…

I have been on both sides of this (I have been the new person coming in as well as the disappointed internal candidate) and one side is definitely more enjoyable than the other!

I haven’t always handled it well, but the last time it happened I decided just to hold my head up high and move forward mentally. I found myself sitting opposite the new colleague and she was actually really good at her role, plus a nice woman, then went on to be promoted to overall manager (I had moved on elsewhere by that stage). Funnily enough, I then went on to be self employed and she was still giving me work the best part of ten years later, which would have been unlikely if I had held onto resentment.

Try to put your disappointment aside, even though it’s hard to do.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain I would be interested to know about this business please.

Thanks, I will be reserving judgement. It’s been a few years, who knows. I can see how management would be more to their skill set. They’ve got the lingo anyway.

But on the point about not working with them for long, that’s not actually the case. They stayed in that role for longer than some of their others, maybe the longest they ever stayed in any role. It’s not really surprising looking back - I was busy doing all the work they should’ve been doing! They did, however, get to do some “shiny” stuff that’ll have made great interview fodder. 🙄

They also worked in a different department that my previous role crossed over with - it’s how I know it’s not just ex-colleagues turned mates who prefer me to her because we get on. Their manager in that role wasn’t that impressed and made comparisons in my favour when we worked together on a project.

You’re currently anticipating all sorts of hellish scenarios in your head, most of which may not come true. You also only have experience of this person in the past and as a colleague. It’s now later on and also they’re going to be a manager. I like what pp has said about them likely being off in another couple of years anyway - potentially reopening the post for you.
I think focus on continuing to do a great job OP and make this old colleague an ally, and a managerial one at that… As long as they don’t become abusive to you, your great work can make them look good (if they don’t shine as much as you in practice) and you can turn this unexpected relationship to your advantage. Also you can ask them for interview tips 😉
Go get em OP! 😁 ☀️

Surely the way forward is not to correct their work? Or at least not quietly