A friend quit her job to take a break and now I can’t stop thinking about it

[GlowWithBalance]

A close friend of mine recently left her job after nearly ten years. There was no big drama or crisis; she simply said she was tired of feeling stuck and needed time to breathe. She plans to spend a few months at home, focus on her family, and figure out what she really wants next.
At first I thought it was a risky move, but now I can’t help feeling a bit jealous. She already seems calmer and more present, while I’m still running on autopilot from one responsibility to the next.
It made me wonder how many of us stay in the grind just because we’re afraid to pause. Has anyone here ever taken time off work for themselves and actually found it helped? Or did it end up being harder than expected to step away?

A bit different, but I've been off work due to work related stress for 8 months. Still trying to resolve it and I may have to return as I need the money as I'm on half pay at the moment.

However the past 8 months have been largely wonderful, the first couple were odd as I was still recovering from the physical symptoms. But after that it's been amazing. Not working, not rushing. I can be present in the moment with people rather than worrying about the never ending list of things to do. I can spend time with me DCs and my DM without rushing. Everything and everyone is calmer as a result. No more mad rush in the morning to get everyone out the door. Even traffic jams don't bother me.

As I say different as I have been paid which is a massive help and I will probably have to go back as I need the money, but I really hope I don't let work stress affect me as much again.

Different if you have to give up work, but if you can make it work financially then it might be worth a go. Also some companies let you take a sabbatical and then come back, could be worth looking at that.

For me, the stress of worrying about having no income for months on end would completely wipe out any relaxation I may gain from having an extended break.

The only way I could fully relax doing this would be if I had loads of money in the bank. Otherwise, no, i would not find it relaxing, it would stress me out.

I suspect people arent taking breaks like this because they cant afford to, not because they are afraid of having a pause!

I left my last job about 2 months ago after raising a grievance. I knew when I raised a serious grievance against my manager that I would not be able to stay in the job but my mental and physical health was so bad that I decided it was the best step for me to take. They offered me a financial settlement which was the best outcome.

I am still doing some freelance to get some money coming in but I decided that am not looking for a role until the New Year to give me enough time to recover.

I had a few tough years with health issues and surgery, moving to a completely new town and dealing with an old house that needs lots of work, family breakdown, a sexual assault and a toxic workplace until I raised my grievance.

Frankly there is only so much that the human body and mind can take...Sometimes you just need to accept that your health and wellbeing is more important than anything else and I am starting to feel much better.

So not quite the same situation as your friend but for me a break was essential. It also gives me time to do work on the house and garden myself and save money that way. I am also getting counselling from the NHS which is great.

I’ll be doing this. I’m leaving my job in a month or so and don’t have anything immediate lined up. I’m hoping to have something in place by early Feb but I’m happy to wait a couple of months for the right thing. I would agree with a PP that it’s only really possible because my DH is a higher earner and prepared to cover our costs. I’m also likely to get a much better paid job when I do go back to work so it will balance out then. I know it’s always seen as a very risky thing to do on MN - and obviously, it can be depending on circumstances - but I’ve carefully weighed it up and think it’s the best decision for me/us.

I did. I had worked non stop since I was 16, took quite short maternity leaves. My health had been weird since catching covid and not quite recovering.

I felt I was spending all my best energy at work and was tired and crabby with my family. So I quit.

We're lucky, we can live on dh's wage.

I've been out of work for more than a year now. I feel better but I'm finding it harder than I thought to get back into work. Somehow I thought I'd have lots of great part time jobs to choose from but that hasnt been the case. And I think I've been quite picky. I'm going to have to lower my expectations.

We're missing the extras we had when I was working so I'll need to find something after Christmas even if it's not a great choice.

Totally worth it for me though, and on balance for the whole family. Even though we've had less spending money.

What does her husband make of it.

We would all like to not work, but it puts a lot of pressure on the other partner to cover cost of family life.

I'd also say that once you stop, you can never go back to full time.

Totally unrealistic for most people! What if her husband, if she has one, decided he wanted to take a break too, or change to a lower stress job? Tough luck. All the pressure to earn is now on him.
If my partner did this I would be very unhappy. Taking a less stressful job or reducing hours is a more realistic option if the stress is unbearable. I personally don't think it's fair to just quit when there are bills to pay.

I wouldn't be able to take unpaid breaks from work or even want to quit. I live on my own, so I'll always need an income. Fortunately my job is quite flexible and I work from home, so I don't feel like I am stressed or feel pressured.

If you are in a couple and one income can cover all needs, and you have discussed it, then consider it. If you are in a profession where it is easy to find another job, then consider it. If your other half also wishes to do the same at one point and you are willing and able to support them, then consider it. Most people are not in those situations, though.

I would love this. I only work two days but I absolutely hate them and it disproportionately affects the days I don’t work! I dream about a lottery win, but I don’t even do the lottery!

I don’t think many people stay in the grind because they’re afraid to pause, it’s because they couldn’t afford to just stop work. I would love to have a pause, but no way could I afford it and I think my partner would be a bit resentful (understandably)!

I’m 60 and would love to pause or at least go part time, but I can’t. I’m a bit envious of those who can, I admit.

I stay in the grind because I can’t afford to not work. Nothing to do with being afraid to pause, more so being afraid of being homeless. It’s a very privileged position to be able to quit working infinitely.

"afraid to pause". No, most of us have to earn a living.

How about asking for a sabbatical?

Can you reduce your hours?

I quite like my job and at the moment its not stressful, but I am the other side of a couple where one isnt working. My DH had been off sick from work for 6 months and has now quit. I wfh so I see him sitting around on youtube, occasionally going to some activities and cycling, while Im paying the bills and working. I have had a meltdown this morning because Ive lost a purse with £50 in it, which has meant Ive had to cancel a Christmas night out because I now cant justify spending the money, after Ive had to pay for a load of kids trips and car stuff. Ive also developed suspected stress related IBS ( not job b related) We can get by on my salary (which means not only does he not get more than the minimum UC but they arent bothered about him not having a job because I make enough apparently) but just a few expenses and its extremely stressful for the person paying the bills. Its one of the reasons I didnt SAH when my kids were little. He is looking for minimum wage part time supermarket work now but its very difficult as he has no experience.

I could afford to do this, but would be afraid of leaving my (good) job and not finding something similar again in the low cost of living region that I live in.

Spot on and I suspect many many people feel like this. How many people can just jack their jobs in and have a few months to think about life? Only those with money in the bank!

Yes if you can afford to … most can’t so a non question really.

@mynameiscalypso that sounds lovely - what industry are you in that will mean you can get a more highly paid job when you go back?

I recently left my job - part time - to help my DH out with his company. I’m not sure I would’ve quit with nothing to go to - whether we could afford it or not. Also I hate not having a purpose to the day.
Tbh I’ve only ever left one job with another to go to immediately and I’ve always found something - but always being able to afford it.
I know people who’ve had breaks, but they could afford to, and eventually they found another role.

Yes, twice. The first time as a career break and the second when I was moving to a new job and finished the old one a month previously.

It did serve me, I relaxed properly and was able to do things I’d otherwise not had time for. I took my mum away, I did special things with my children and damn the house was tidy and we’re still feeling the benefit of the most recent one.

It did also make me reassess my priorities slightly, it was only when out of the grind that I could properly see the impact it had on me.

As other posters have rightly identified though, I was able to do this because I’d saved enough money to cover the earning gap, and in both cases I knew that I had employment to go to afterwards.

My experience is it’s a great thing to do, if you can afford it…

I left work for a "3 month break" 7 years ago...

It has been a hugely positive step in many ways but, on balance, I shouldn't have done it. I now need (not just want) to get back in to work and it is proving very difficult. I had a fairly senior job so no-one will take me on at a less senior level because they think I will be bored and I can't get the senior jobs because I've been out of the workplace too long. I'm also now over the dreaded 50 which also doesnt help.

I've really enjoyed my time off and the relationship I have with the kids as a result of it but, overall, I should have kept one hand in and not been quite so cavalier.

Good for her, I wish.

I intend to do it as soon as I can afford to - even temporarily reducing my working hours would make me happy. I just need a break.