A friend quit her job to take a break and now I can’t stop thinking about it

[GlowWithBalance]

A close friend of mine recently left her job after nearly ten years. There was no big drama or crisis; she simply said she was tired of feeling stuck and needed time to breathe. She plans to spend a few months at home, focus on her family, and figure out what she really wants next.
At first I thought it was a risky move, but now I can’t help feeling a bit jealous. She already seems calmer and more present, while I’m still running on autopilot from one responsibility to the next.
It made me wonder how many of us stay in the grind just because we’re afraid to pause. Has anyone here ever taken time off work for themselves and actually found it helped? Or did it end up being harder than expected to step away?

I've really enjoyed my time off and the relationship I have with the kids as a result of it but, overall, I should have kept one hand in and not been quite so cavalier

I agree. I'm the same

I had 16 months out after being made redundant, and I loved it, but it was not financially sustainable. In fact, I would have liked to go back a bit sooner, but those interviewing me clearly didn't agree. It does mean I'm not concerned about how I'd feel my time when retired, though. (I wasn't really concerned, I already knew having to go to work gets in the way of everything else!)

You need to do the sums, know you can cover your bills etc. What will you do if you can't find another job when you're ready to go back?

I am in my 50s, though - it would have crippled me earlier in my life, and I'd have had to find a job as soon as possible. Also, I have no dependents, which made it less pressured.

I did this myself earlier this year after 15 years in the same place. Planned for a few months off expecting it would take a age to get another job amd wanted a break. Ended up having a six week break before being offered another opportunity that was too good to say no too. Do wish I had taken longer than six weeks! Good for your friend!

Well lucky her for being able to survive with no income!

The vast majority of people can't just quit work because they 'need a break' for a few years! Your friend is irresponsible, and could create a hole in her pension if she takes too much time off. (As well as making it hard for herself to get back into her career, whatever it is!)

I wouldn't be jealous if I were you.

Well lucky her for being able to survive with no income!

Yes, the more I ponder this the more I feel like this is an incredibly privileged position to be in!

I dont personally know anyone who could just decide one day to give up work to chill and do whatever they wanted. If I had the funds to do that, I wouldnt be working in the first place.

What your friend has done takes great courage. To resign from a steady job and cast yourself off into an unknown future requires real nerve and self belief. Some people may judge her for it. But they are not walking in her shoes. I understand how she feels. She has reached a turning point.

A slightly different scenario but back in the early 1980s I felt like your friend. I had been in a well paid professional job for some years. I had taken a series of professional exams. However I was getting stale, and my qualifications were regarded by the employer as outmoded because I was not a graduate. I found myself being overtaken in the organization by younger people. They had a bit of paper which I KNEW I was perfectly capable of getting, but did not have.

I stepped off the professional ladder and did something I had always wanted to do. I went to uni as a mature student. I lived on one of the roughest estates in the city because it was what could afford on a grant. It was a huge culture shock. I was not stepping back in quite the same way as your friend because I worked my ass off to get a 1st. But I really enjoyed the intellectual challenge of uni. I realised then I was a born academic and went on to do a masters and a doctorate. I also taught for a year in the USA.

Of course I never went back to my former career. I worked as an academic until I hit state retirement age, collected my pension, and then became self employed. At 81 I am still working, but for myself.

Well it’s risky isn’t it?

But, what a world we have made where you need two earners in high stress jobs to keep the wheel turning. Lots of women in perimenopause struggle with health and wellbeing while looking after kids and perhaps older parents. It’s so shit that we burn ourselves out with large mortgages, bills to pay, fear of leaving the job market, fear of relationship breakdown meaning you’ve always got to be peddle to the metal.

Who'd pay the bills? I am the major wage earner in our house. We have savings in case I am made redundant but it seems very dangerous in the current environment for me to ditch my job - just in case I can't find another one that pays as much or offers the flexibility I need.

I guess it's fine if someone else can carry the family for a good period of time...

If you can afford it then why nor? Life is too short. People definitely get stuck.
But mumsnet is funny
Career break to spend time at home- tick!
Career break to spend time with own children- big concering problem. 😆

My DH did that for 6 months. He had the time of his life, so relaxed. Caught up on sleep, exercise etc.

Meanwhile our marriage hasn't quite recovered. I still resent working like a slave to pay for everything and save nothing while he just sat there.

I really lost some respect for him and it hasn't come back.

If you can afford it then why nor?

Most of us are saying we cant - thats the point lol

I would say it’s mostly based on money. It’s a luxury to take an extended break most can’t afford. Great if you can, not so great if it results in huge steps back financially and professionally.

I did this when i was 54 and on the verge of burnout. My DH suggested it even though our children were adult and away. I never went back to work. I did a degree part time just for fun and kept things going at home. My DH had an extremely full on job and it benefitted us both to have me at home. It meant the weekends were free for us to enjoy together instead of doing chores. We also did a massive house and garden renovation during that period and having me on hand was a godsend. DH is retired now so we both have lots of time together. I was very lucky that, financially, DH was well able to provide for us both with no change to our lifestyle.

I was lucky to be able to drop it all and go to uni. But there were still grants then. And |I was child free. So I was risking only myself.

I couldn’t afford to stop! Goodness me! What a privileged life!

I am about to take early retirement because my body just can't keep up with the demands of the day job, and I'm already terrified about how I'm going to afford to keep going until my state pension kicks in in two years' time. I've got no private pensions worth mentioning and only my 'other' job writing novels to keep me afloat (and income from that, despite being traditionally published and having more than 25 books already out, has dropped by 3/4 in the last year).

But I figure I can live cheaply for two years and it's worth it to me.

I mean that’s not what people are saying at all!

Interesting. I wonder how the spouse of the posters on here who have done the same thing feel.

I hope your DH is doing the cooking/cleaning/child care while you are working full time and cancelling a Christmas night out as you can no longer afford it. It sounds really stressful for you.

Do you genuinely think people stay in the grind just because they're afraid to pause? Can you not see another reason why most people can't do it at all?

Sorry what?

I agree. I would be making my plans to exit this marriage @LidlAmaretto Your husband sounds like a waste of space.

I haven’t worked since having my first child 11 years ago. Luckily husband is a relatively high earner which I know makes a huge difference. My wage would be a drop in the ocean by comparison. Absolutely love my life, no stress in the mornings or after school. Can be genuinely present for all my family’s needs. Traditional roles in our house but works well for us! There are some cons obviously, but I see all my female friends who have careers doing absolutely everything for everybody all the time, with absolutely nothing for themselves, and I wonder how they are managing to hold it together. If you can afford it, do it.

I was considering it due to burnout and actually quit my job on the spot and took 3 months off. But I got too nervous about the finances and this didn’t let me have the space I needed to really figure out my next move. So I took a job in my original remit but a different industry… and got so lucky!!! I love my job now, I am stress free and I have unlimited flexibility to wfh if i need to.