A friend quit her job to take a break and now I can’t stop thinking about it

[GlowWithBalance]

A close friend of mine recently left her job after nearly ten years. There was no big drama or crisis; she simply said she was tired of feeling stuck and needed time to breathe. She plans to spend a few months at home, focus on her family, and figure out what she really wants next.
At first I thought it was a risky move, but now I can’t help feeling a bit jealous. She already seems calmer and more present, while I’m still running on autopilot from one responsibility to the next.
It made me wonder how many of us stay in the grind just because we’re afraid to pause. Has anyone here ever taken time off work for themselves and actually found it helped? Or did it end up being harder than expected to step away?

I was in a stressful scientific research role for almost 40 years, latterly as a freelance consultant. It was always “just one more contract”. My last contract came to an end in July and I’ve decided that’s it, I’m retired from that job. I’d had enough, and the corporate speak and brown-nosing had been grating for years. I’m spending my days walking the dog, decorating and reorganising the house, on my many hobbies, prepping for a new rescue dog and looking forward to my new career next year as a yarn shop owner (which has been the pipe dream since childhood). I’m in the fortunate position of the stars aligning (finances stable, kids all adults now, half decent health though a couple of scares which helped prompt the decision to change course in my mid-50s). I’ve never been happier! Good on your friend. No one was ever on their deathbed wishing they’d had more time in the office.

I did the same in 2019. My Mum had died a few months before I handed my notice in, so I knew I had a decent amount of money coming in. Took a year off to decompress, take stock of my life and sort out my Mums estate. Did a bit of travelling, up skilled myself a bit, spent time with DP and DD and got fit(ish). COVID and lockdown unfortunately happened right in the middle of it, so got bored about 8 months in and went and found a job, but if you can afford it, I really do recommend it, it had so many benefits for me.

So, of the 8 months you’ve been off, only two of those were recovering from stress? And now you’re considering going back, not because it’s the right thing to do, but because you need the money?

People on sick leave cost the economy £85 billion per year.

DH took a few months off before he started his current role. It was the best thing he could have done and I fully supported it. He was incredibly stressed in his previous role for a long time due to the way he was treated, so taking some time out to relax really helped him to be ready to start his new role. He has worked constantly since the age of 16, so the break was well deserved.

I'm seriously considering cutting back hours and starting working on my novels again. I've been a single parent for 15 years and worked and raised a family without any real support from the children's dad. I am tired and menopausal, aware that I haven't got any real future prospects in my current job - I haven't got much money, I'm in a low paying job, won't have more than the Nest pension, Now the children are pretty much grown I want some time to get back to my own life and what I wanted to do before raising the family.

I'm thinking of getting my finances in order and seeing how many hours I can drop and still pay the basics and take it from there.

I suppose it depends. For me, it was stressful having no income for a few months, but it was far less stressful than the shit-show of a job I was in previously.

It was worth it. I'm in a new, less stressful job and better paid now, 6 months later.

I am obsessing over retirement. I am in a position where I could afford to retire at 55, which is less than 2 years away, if I didn't have a child in private school, which he will finish when I am 56. That extra year feels like forever. I have nearly been in tears at my desk again this morning with the pressure. I have been burned out before and scared I am getting there again. I need to quit but can't afford a lower paid position until no more school fees.

I did this twice-once in my forties to travel, and again in my early sixties mainly to establish how much I would miss work (the answer turned out to be hardly at all, so I retired shortly thereafter). I was able to finance these breaks thanks to a legacy and savings from not going anywhere during the pandemic

It's a luxury to have the choice to do this or not. It's for you to decide op whether you can afford it and what your motivations would be for going it.

As I said it's more complicated than that. I've had a grievance in which has only last week been upheld. I wasn't stressed after 2 months because I wasn't at work. You remove the cause of stress and surprise surprise the stress goes. However going back was unthinkable, a work call during the time I was off would send me into a spiral of panic. My boss has left and I'm going to try going back, I don't know how it will go yet.

Also people are off long term because generally speaking companies are useless at dealing with it. I've had one text from line management in the whole 8 months.

I can understand why you were resentful. Did he discuss it with you first? Has he shown appreciation?

I think it totally depends on the type of a person you are- it’s the same as the people who need to have absolute financial freedom and security and money is it vs the people who say ‘I’ll manage, I’d rather not work my life away!’

Possibly showing my ignorance here, but I thought there was a teacher shortage and people were leaving the profession in droves, so I am surprised that she couldn't get back into it.

I did this a year after after my husband died when i was 43 & used the time to set up a new SE business. I shouldn't complain but it took off massively & only ended up with 6 weeks off. I am too busy, with both work & care responsibilities for adult DC & parent & peri menopausal. I can't really go part time its an all or nothing business, so I obsess about retirement but am terrified of actually taking that step as there is just me to br there for my DC

Isn't that just becoming a SAHM for a year?

Don’t know what she does but job market isn’t that great atm across many industries and professions
so it’s very risky IMO

Following the death of my mum it made me take stock and reevaluate things. I was only working 20hrs pw anyway. Mortgage paid off and children flown the nest. Discussed things with my husband and packed in work at 59. Never looked back.

I went into autistic burnout six years ago, got signed off with stress and never went back to my job. I spent a few months recovering and then started my own business - I have absolutely no regrets and only wish I'd done it sooner.

I work less hours, earn more money and am SO much happier.

I don’t think the last comment is true. I understand why you say it but I’ve gone from SAHM to part time and will absolutely go back to working full time once my kids are both in secondary.

Love that for you. It’s everyone’s dream.

I mean it's brilliant to take time off if you can afford it - I don't think anyone would argue against that! It's just as many pp point out - it's not just having enough money for a few months but also to cover as long as it takes to get back into work, and potential lower income when you do.

I have a friend in her early 50s who took redundancy and isn't planning to work in the industry again - only something very part time. But they can afford to live off her DH's wages, and haven't had to change their lifestyle now she's not earning. Obviously in her situation it's wonderful.

And I dislike the whole 'nobody ever lies on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time working'. Wasn't that reported by nurses looking after rich old men? It certainly doesn't apply to everyone. I'm nearly 50 and know a lot of people who wish they'd worked harder / taken better paid career paths so they could look forward to taking their foot off the pedal and one day retiring. And I count myself in that! I am trying to catch up now .. better late than never.

I have to agree with @Goldwren1923 to some extent. The world has changed considerably since I took time out and did my degrees. All the time I was a postgrad I was tutoring in the uni and doing research work for my professor, so I was earning money. Accademia was very different then and there were many more opportunities. The jobs market is now very very challenging with many well qualified people in a range of industries competing with hundreds of others for jobs. Employers are not taking on staff to the same extent because of poorly planned government policies. Even minimum wage jobs in supermarkets and warehouses etc are highly competetive. So the choice OPs friend has made will depend very much upon her financial position.

Thank you! I was so terrified at the time but it's honestly changed my life. It's the best thing I've ever done.

I think the problem is securing an experienced teacher role on a decent salary when so many schools would rather hire ECTs as they are cheaper.

I’m currently taking a break from work. I know it can’t last very long but it was so needed. I was running myself into the ground trying to make a career work (compressing 5 days into 3!) and trying to be a successful parent to two young DC. I started having panic attacks and something had to give. It wasn’t an easy choice and I do feel like I’m stalling my career but my mental health was not good and I’m finally starting to feel like I can see the light a bit.