A friend quit her job to take a break and now I can’t stop thinking about it

[GlowWithBalance]

A close friend of mine recently left her job after nearly ten years. There was no big drama or crisis; she simply said she was tired of feeling stuck and needed time to breathe. She plans to spend a few months at home, focus on her family, and figure out what she really wants next.
At first I thought it was a risky move, but now I can’t help feeling a bit jealous. She already seems calmer and more present, while I’m still running on autopilot from one responsibility to the next.
It made me wonder how many of us stay in the grind just because we’re afraid to pause. Has anyone here ever taken time off work for themselves and actually found it helped? Or did it end up being harder than expected to step away?

I agree I would find it more stressful not being in work. I can imagine this would be the kind of thing I would do if I was really unhappy in my current job but wasn't managing to apply for jobs elsewhere because of time/stress/burnout etc.

If I quit my job, then I'd have all the time in the world to find a new job and the pressure of being unemployed to motivate me to find a new one.

I think it depends on your job. Its a very tough job market now - but if you were a teacher or funeral director or a bin man - its going to be easier to get back after a break than in say a marketing job. Other jobs I don’t think you stand a chance.

Just a quick point: you sound so resilient and rational - like you could teach/advise people (if you wanted to).

I took 6 months off after leaving the military, convinced that I was retiring early and would enjoy being at home for DD (then 9) whilst DH got a job and our roles reversed.

what actually happened was that I was bored stupid within 3 months (even though I was quite busy with family responsibilities at the time) and at the 6 month point took a temporary (maternity cover) job... that was 11 years ago and not only am I still working, I have retrained and I'm now busier (and more stressed) than ever.

So now I am thinking about reducing my hours at age 55 (2 years time) and retiring properly at 60... we'll see.

Most of us can't do this so it's natural to feel envy! Different but the same, a close friend quit her job and took a year out to enjoy her life. She was single, no kids, high earner, very savvy with money and got huge bonuses. Had a whale of a time, found another job easily, then found her DH and had DC.

Just how it worked out for her, also able to retire comfortably at age 54, mortgage paid off, pots of savings. Envious yes, but that's on me and my choice of career. Xxx

Patronising bullshit. We'd all love to take a fully paid sabbatical, but funnily enough they don't tend to come up that often. Hope that helps.

I've been out of the workplace since 2018. My DH was at a turning point for work when I was in the last (toxic) job. I stayed so he didn't have to take a minimum wage job in a warehouse and could concentrate on his writing. It worked and I've been SAH since.

Actually, did some self-employed work 2 years ago and was loving it but got sepsis and the shock of that made me want to stay at home with DS while I could. He'll be off to school in September so I shall pick up then. The last 18 months have been particularly great as having been so ill made me see what was important in life. I know I'll never regret time spent with DS.

Do what you enjoy. If that's paid great, if not take a job that gives you scope to enjoy your life outside of work. Take a break if you have the option. Never let a job you hate trap you. Life is too short and too precious.

I’ve done it 3 times in my career. Took 6-12 months each time just to recharge after feeling burnt out. Juggling kids and a career is tough. I never found it difficult to jump back in and have always been honest about my gaps, explaining that I needed time with my young family.

The problem is society and capitalism tie most people down.

I've quit work 3 times and I'm only mid thirties. I'm from a piss poor background so used to surviving off little and short of 10 quid here and there never got money off family.

Never had a mortgage, I don't want kids and will never have kids. Never had problem paying rent (in a cheaper place in UK, I would not be living in the SE. I think it's very unfair what's happening with prices down there).

The first time I quit was early twenties to study abroad and got a bursary of £450 for rent and food. Didn't have much left over but it was enough.

The second time I saved every penny for 12 months from a (permanent contract!!) office job, and went travelling for 6 months. My salary 10 years ago was £20k.

Then when I got back I was looking for work for 4 months. Thank you to friends and family who let me sofa surf and chip in for bills those few months in between.

I then had two jobs over 5 years earning roughly £23k per year. I had enough and quit again. This third time I was lucky that I had partner who persuaded me to travel again and bankrolled it. Still our outgoings monthly is probably £750-£1000 a month max.

I know I am very lucky. But if I listened to people who thought I was taking a big risk those first two times I wouldn't be where I am today. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just today my photo memories came up to say 8 years ago I was canoeing around Pha Nang bay in Thailand. This time last year it was planning a 6 week trip to Italy living off grid in a motorhome.

Some of my friends / family love hearing about our trips. Others are clearly uninterested or jealous. Don't blame other people for you choosing to take the safest, comfiest option.

Im not scared of not finding a job. I'd scrub toilets and do kitchen grunt work if I had to (I have in my youth). Even in a crappy economy the grunt work jobs are always available and it's fine to cover bills until something better comes along.

A office job is safe and nice to see a regular monthly income. But it absolutely saps my soul and my mental health takes a real hit doing the same shite every day. (Not as depressing as when I was scraping by in retail on a zero hours contract living in a HMO slum in my first job though). I really need a reset in between each job. So far this way of living has worked out for me.

Saying that I'm volunteering, cleaning out rescue animals cages atm. Scooping poop for free. Never been happier. 😅

@AzureCats that's lovely for you but the real catch is that you don't want kids. It's not about your ability to be frugal. Once you have kids, you realize that 1) they are expensive and 2) you have a responsibility for their future, you can't risk quitting, then not finding another job and losing your home, as that has much bigger consequences.

I’ve had a tough time recently with both my parents dying in the last two years. It’s been very stressful and we’re still sorting out my mum’s estate. I finally managed to reduce my hours to 3 days a week after I took a pension that covered the cost. I’m starting to feel a lot better with the extra days off. I would recommend it to anyone who can.

Yes I've ditched a career I had for over 10 years. After many conversations with hubby and finance workings out I went in one day and said I'm resigning on this date and that was that...The relief from the monotony, unhappiness was unreal..Within 2 weeks my family, hubby,friends said I became a different person like I was years ago happy,fun etc...I took 2 months off and although hubby was happy for me to continue not working I decided to totally change direction and start my own business and a year on I now own a very very good business and my hubby has actually left his job to work in it also recently because it took off so well. Best thing and leap of faith I ever took

I’ve had a couple of breaks, a few years when dcs were born and two lots of about a year when relocating for dh job. As soon as the youngest was at pre-school I was very bored and lonely despite lots of voluntary work and friends. I hated not being an earner and didn’t like the feeling of spending money on things to keep myself entertained (sports etc) when I wasnt earning.

Yup. Which is one of the many reasons I consciously chose not to have them. I reckon I could travel frugally with one preschool child though, plenty of people who live the alternative lifestyle do. I agree I wouldn't pull a school age child out or risk a solid income. I'm not that risk trigger happy.

I'm just here to remind people that other lifestyles aside from marry-mortgage-kids-retire-die exist. And you don't have to be minted to achieve it.

You are quite right, and pre kids I was quite similar to you (financially I was more fortunate, but it was indeed only good fortune). I did want children though. Perhaps it would have been different had I not met my husband but he changed everything.

Guilty now of the marry-mortgage-kids thing (that's as far as I've got at the moment) and I'm happy and glad for it, but I definitely agree it's not the only option.

Grass is always greener etc... I quit my job a few years ago and could have not worked for a year or maybe even two. I planned to take 3-6 months off while I 'strategised' my next move. I managed about three weeks before I started to go a bit stir crazy (my partner was working still) and I was filling my time with things that looked and felt much like work, but weren't. Within three months I'd set up my company and was fully booked. Taking a break had been my dream but I hated it! What we do now is just get a change of scene. I worked out of the country last year for just over a month (with the family), and next summer while the kid is off school I am going to work overseas again (my partner will take the whole summer off, because of banked leave).

Tim Ferriss promotes "mini-retirements," or extended breaks from work, as a way to enjoy life and recharge before traditional retirement age. He argues that this approach is better than traditional vacations because it allows more time for deep experiences, and unlike traditional sabbaticals, can be taken multiple times throughout a career. The goal is to prioritize experiences and freedom over the conventional path of working for decades without significant breaks. I always liked that idea -- though I admit his Four Hour Week book is a bit dated these days, I still find it inspiring.

Good question. I would have still gone off sick, I was completely broken. Then I would have probably seen an employment lawyer to see what action I could take. If nothing I would have probably resigned.
I realise how fortunate I am with the sick pay at my company. But to be fair my boss bullied me and despite asking for help no action was taken until I was sick and even then it's taken months of pushing on my part to get anything done.

As someone whose husband has had devastating health news and may be unable to work, I’m glad that I stuck with my toxic job.

After a few years of wrong jobs, management who spoke inappropriately, my character being attacked and other work place scenarios last year in January I came down with flu and was so ill.
It also came to a head that I wasn't coping with the negativity that I'd experienced and I had a slight breakdown begging for my DP of 15 years to swap places with me and he gets a job and support us (I'd been the breadwinner for 6 years) so I could take care of myself as I was as pretty broken.
I 'had' to take time out regardless of whether he got a job or not because I was ill.

If it's not right, something has to change.

But it's very cavalier to just walk out of a job, think you'll have a break and then easily walk back into another when you are ready to!

I was made redundant last year and had over 4 months, 4 months of wondering when of get a job, what sort of job I'd manage to get and if I would get to stay in my profession. I watch my money whittle away and worried about having to start asking my partner for money for everything.

The job market is tough! People will have a hard time making it on to interview shortlists with gaps on a CV! What happens if people can't find something and being unemployed goes on way longer than anticipated? What happens when you can't find anything local and suddenly you are faced with a horrible commute! For those with 9-5 jobs, you'll be lucky to find that now, they are usually 8-5!

Lucky her. I’d love to do this or just get a stress free job and have a simpler life. Unfortunately bills have to be paid and I earn more than DH.

I’ve worked professionally with people who have sort of done of done this. They nearly always left their job before they were pushed in some way- despite what they might have told family and friends. Yeah it’s great for the first month and then they start realising how much money they can get through while not working and it prompts them to really look for new work. Then they realise it’s not as easy to get new work as they thought it would be and develop the fear.

The grass always looks greener. Appreciate what you have.

Ridiculous pie-in-the-sky. This definitely isn't something most people are able to ponder -it's a huge luxury: one which is going to cost your friend's household tens of thousands of pounds over the course of a year. We could survive -just about- on one of our incomes (low band local authority salaries). But so many don't make enough or don't have a partner. Deciding to 'take a time-out' from work really isn't on the table for most.

I took 8 months off after being in same job for 16 years and managing my dad’s care for 5 years ( he had dementia) plus having 2 young kids and a brother with severe mental illness. It was a question of having to. After that I got the job I’m still in ( 7 years and counting).

I get what you mean. I think I would worry about that too. The idea of having time off sounds great, but I can see how the boredom or guilt about not earning could creep in pretty quickly.