A friend quit her job to take a break and now I can’t stop thinking about it

[GlowWithBalance]

A close friend of mine recently left her job after nearly ten years. There was no big drama or crisis; she simply said she was tired of feeling stuck and needed time to breathe. She plans to spend a few months at home, focus on her family, and figure out what she really wants next.
At first I thought it was a risky move, but now I can’t help feeling a bit jealous. She already seems calmer and more present, while I’m still running on autopilot from one responsibility to the next.
It made me wonder how many of us stay in the grind just because we’re afraid to pause. Has anyone here ever taken time off work for themselves and actually found it helped? Or did it end up being harder than expected to step away?

No. But for the last 23 years of my working life I worked PT and that gave me the space to deal with non-work stresses without being overwhelmed. I also worked a term time contract for nearly 10 years and that 6 weeks off in the summer was a proper nice rest. WFH/hybrid is also a stress reducer if you have a long commute.

I took 5 months off for burnout; quit my corporate job and found a part time job in a small company

In my case, the problem was I am/was the higher earner. So even though I work hard and longer hours, I ALSO will never have that freedom. DH taking a pause = ok. Me taking a pause = may have to sell the house.

I was ok with it at first and I was supportive. But it's really horrible when you're getting up in the morning, getting ready for a full work day, while your DH just has a relaxing cup of coffee. No illness, stress or responsibility. Must feel nice.

I took a break of about 9 months after closing down a company. At first it was lovely but then I got very bored! I was also bored on maternity leave.

Well - a word of warning. I quit my job after my second mat leave. Had a third baby quite soon after the second and we could afford for me to take a break on my DH's income at the time. It meant I could be around when the kids were small - made life a million times easier and you never get those years back so on one hand I don't regret it.

HOWEVER, I now regret not getting back into fulltime work when the kids were at school. I went freelance and over the past decade my industry has changed radically - work is scarce. Plus my DH's salary hasn't remotely kept pace with the huge rise in the cost of living.

So we now found ourselves financially strained, and I have barely any pension to speak of for the future. Taking a 'break' to be more present for the family has definitely cost us in the long term, unfortunately 😥

I took a planned year out of work.
It was brilliant, I had the best time with my kids. My husband was fully on board, plus, it made his life a lot easier as I took on a lot more household jobs.
If you can afford to, do it. It's something I am so glad I did before my kids were all at school.

Did he take over the housework, shopping and cooking while he was off @BoyOhBoyFTM ? I would be happy to have a break from all that at least.

I have a couple of friends who stepped off the grindstone for a bit but found it almost impossible to get back on when they felt ready. One is still out of work 2 years later after she wanted to get back on and her spirit is shattered. Essentially do it if you have a job to go to.

We had no kids. None of those things took much time at all for 2 adults. Maybe different if you have several children.

I've sort of done it twice. First time I left my job and left the country, got another job completely unrelated to my previous career history and stayed there for about 9 months. Came back and just picked up some bank/agency work. Then I got a permanent job at a horrible place. Lasted 18 months but eventually it was either me or the job so I left. I still worked, but again just bank/agency work and I could pick and choose where and when. Did that for a few months just to get my head straight. I'm now in a great job in a much better position than I ever would have been if I'd carried on killing myself in a job I hated.

I am staying in the grind not because I am afraid to pause, but because I genuinely will have no money to live on, like pay the bills, etc.

I quit my job through burnout. Planned to take a year, lasted 6 months. Got so bored. Took a lower key job with better life-work balance, loved it. Had my first DC and am still "on pause" a considerable number of years down the line!

Just to add I didn’t want to leave but couldn’t face that job anymore

I stepped away from most of my management responsibilities at work about 3 years ago as I was finding myself thinking about it all the time. It was exhausting! In my job you don't get paid extra, you get time in the week, so I didn't lose any money by giving up a management role.
Since going back to the equivalent of the shop floor in terms of responsibilities, I've had more energy and I don't think about work all the time.
I've found that a change is as good as a rest! I was able to shed the things about the job that were causing stress, and focus on the joyful things. Appreciate not everyone can do that.

It's great - I took a pause when DH got a well-paid job abroad and I did the trailing spouse thing.
I couln't face the bullshit of a commute, office politics etc after that so now I freelance from home.

It’s a great thing to do if you a) have a partner and b) have an understanding partner!

I was on the receiving end of this - two months after the birth of DC1 my DH announced he wanted to leave his stressful job and retrain in another career.

The company I’d been working for had just gone into liquidation, so three months later I began a full time job with its main, more successful, rival. My DH retrained for a year while looking after our DS.

It was stressful for sure, but it was actually my dream job and my DH has now found his calling and is very good at it.

I did in the 90's. I'd grown to hate a job I'd previously loved and was very good at because the company had been taken over and the resulting politics and management style were driving me mad. I saved up enough to cover my salary for a year, and spent months walking around with my resignation written and in my bag, which made me feel a lot better in itself.

When I did eventually hand my notice in it was a great weight off my shoulder. I spent the next nine months or so just lazing around at home, unwinding, having day trips, reading books, going to concerts etc. The previous company rang me up after a few months asking if I would come back and I said I wasn;t ready to.

I eventually went back working for them as a contractor after about a year, which gave me the best of both worlds - doing work I enjoyed with great colleagues but managing to avoid all the poitics etc.

Hmm. I’m on the fence. Great if it works for both parties, is a time limited thing, and both get the option at some point. Otherwise that’s a lot of pressure on the earner. I’ve had to go PT due to health reasons, and would love to be full time. Swapping work stress for “I have no money” stress isn’t necessarily great, and I wouldn’t recommend it unless you have no choice because your health requires it! Let alone stopping work entirely!

My cousin did this. She was a teacher on £56K, greta pension etc. Quit with 6 months buffer of savings. 6 months came and went, she could not get a job in another field on more than £23K despite great refs. She end up having to sell her house, move back in with her Dad for a bit and then into a much cheaper flat. She does supply teaching now and deeply regrets it. I really feel for her, I was quiet at the time but every one really egged her on.

I'm taking a year long sabbatical soon so I'll have something to go back to after I've become human again

I would like to do this but I’m scared that other jobs In the same field won’t pay as much as I’m earning now - not always a lot of room for negotiation in some roles
also I have to claim UC to help with rent costs - I think there is a rule that you cannot claim for 13 weeks if you voluntarily leave work so I would not be able to cover the rent on my own and I feel stuck and stressed.
my new build London social housing rent is £1450 a month
Yesterday night my heart started beating really really fast just on its own thought I was having a heart attack. It is really good to take time out if you can afford to I might ask for extended leave instead.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. Forgive me if I have misunderstood, but does this mean you are choosing not to go back to work because of the sick pay, and you might go back once that runs out?

I was made redundant and didn't look for another job but I do help my DH out with his business and children keep me busy. I do find I get more stressed about other things without a job to occupy my mind. I went through a phase of being hyper focussed on my health and another being overly focussed on our investments and stock market movements. I think some people will always find something to worry about even if work stress is taken away.

Ideally I would like a low stress, part time job like my last one but these are very rare.

It's a bit more complicated, I've had a grievance which found in my favour last week which is a massive relief, but I was hoping they would offer me redundancy which hasn't happened. I think they are hoping I will resign once the sick pay runs out so I'm going to go back next week instead and just see how it goes. I also hope I learn from the last year and somehow get less stressed about work in the future, or speak up sooner before I become ill.

DH has had an enforced break after being made redundant 18 months ago....he's applied for 100s of jobs and got very close a handful of times but nothing has (yet) converted. He earned ££££ whilst I was doing PT roles for charities etc. Luckily I found a way back in to my old profession after being a SAHM for 15 years, albeit doing several voluntary and part time roles - and I'm (just) about able to keep us afloat but with 4 children (2 at uni), it's not much fun and I earn about a quarter of his previous salary...I'm dreading the Budget!!

So in the current climate, I would be thinking very hard about leaving paid employment without a significant financial cushion and/or a plan on how to return if required....