Do stingy people realise they are being stingy?

[Shinysal]

I work in an office with one other person we’ll call him Steve. We have a team of 4 staff we manage between us and then I have another team of 10 staff which aren’t under his management.

My team of staff always include Steve in annual leave treats (we buy lunch, cakes or coffee on our last day). I regularly buy coffees for the team on my way to work. Everyone takes turns at buying coffee, milk & teabags for use in the office.

Steve never buys coffee or milk but uses the stuff available. He comes in regularly with a Starbucks for himself in the morning. He always asks anyone else finishing what they are buying for the annual leave treats.

Today he finishes for annual leave and mentioned a few times yesterday he might buy cakes or coffees then went on to say that he doesn’t think anyone wants anything as a few on healthy eating. I replied to him that he should buy them and it’s down to the individual if they want to have them and pointed out that the team always buy. He’s arrived today with a pack of 4 cakes!! He’s sat them on his desk and told everyone he bought them for annual leave but no one has actually been offered one.

do you think he realises that he’s a tight arse?? He seems completely oblivious to it!

Yes I think he realises. Tbh I don’t blame him for not buying a lot of treats on a day a lot of people are on a health-kick. But he should totally contribute to the tea / milk fund.

Yes, they know - but he probably thinks he's getting away with it because his colleagues are too polite to voice their disapproval.

I find it’s mostly the men I work with are like this. We have an in office monthly team meeting and 3 of the men bring nothing ever. My boss does, and the other male manager, but 3 others nothing but will tuck in. I’ve stopped bring anything in, I simply cannot be bothered. If they’re hungry they can bring their own

I don’t know because they always act completely oblivious.

I'm quite stingy, although I do extend it to myself too - e.g. I wouldn't buy coffees for people at work, but nor would I waste money on one for myself.

I know I'm stingy, and I don't care if others think I am. It doesn't seem worthwhile to me to spunk money on crap like takeaway coffees to gain the good opinion of people with whom I wouldn't be spending any time if we didn't work together.

So everytime someone goes on annual leave they buy everyone in the office cakes and Starbucks?! That seems mad!

It's strawberry season. He could have bought a massive box of strawberries to share if he really believes everyone's on a health kick. And coffee is positively good for you!

I wouldn’t be joining in with that! Or buying everyone else takeaway coffees! I’d assume if someone was deciding to do that they a) had more money than me and b) wanted to do it.

Would definitely join in the in office tea/coffee fund though.

I'm struggling to understand why you all feel the need to buy coffee, cakes etc for each other. I get the bring something (biscuits etc) back from holiday for the office, but coffee and cakes for everyone?
Also, why are you regularly buying Starbucks for your office on the way in? Don't you have a kettle in your office? It must cost you a fortune!!

I think thats fine as long as you aren't taking advantage of others generosity

So in OPs example I wouldn't be buying everyone cakes or Starbucks coffees, but I would also decline when they were offered to me. I'd put into the office tea and coffee kitty though

He bought 4 cakes though, are you sure he just doesn’t understand the communication? He clearly is intending for the cakes to be eaten.

Pop an email round letting people know Steve has bought cakes and to come tuck in! Thank Steve and there you go. Done.

If he drinks the tea and coffee why not ask him? “Hey Steve, could you pick up the coffee this time please?”

If you eat them then you need to bring something in. I don't think it's a male thing , thru tend to be more generous with collections etc, usually because they have money in their trouser pockets.

Maybe he’s not stingy but just thinks that buying cakes because you’re taking a few days off is a stupid practice and doesn’t want to feed into its continuation?

No, I don't take advantage of others' generosity. We're lucky at work in that tea bags and coffee powder are provided, but in the past when they haven't been, I've always brought my own tea or coffee in. I don't use milk, and I'm not keen on generic tea bags - usually have decaf Earl Grey or herbal tea - so I wouldn't want to contribute to buying PG Tips and milk that I wouldn't use.

Theres only 4 so not enough to go round so I’ll leave it to him to decide who to offer them to.

yes you’re right I probably should just tell him. It’s never really worked like that, people just pick up as we need so it never gets to that stage!

As the quote goes
" We work hours and hours to get money we don't need to buy things to impress people we don't even like"
The people you work with are not your friends.
Bring in cakes for your birthday if that's the policy/ etiquette of the office. Contribute to the tea fund if you are using the things.
If you want to buy poncy coffees on the way to work that's a personal choice. If you want to buy them for others and they don't reciprocate then don't buy for them again. If you don't want to be part of the coffee run just say no each time and buy your own.
If he isn't abiding by this then he's an arse.

Well if that's the case he shouldn't be tucking in when others buy it!
I agree though about it being a weird practise

I do agree. All that sounds a right pita.

I would have to opt out and make myself instant coffee/tea as I really couldn't be doing with buying coffee to bring in for colleagues.

That's fine as long as he's not first in the queue when someone else has brought cakes in .

Have you pointed out to him that 4 isn't enough to go round? It would be interesting to see what he says.

I think that treats are voluntary. Stingy or not, they are not required and if people bring them in it is their choice. The coffee/tea/milk etc thing is dead easy - everyone agrees a contribution and one person collects it every month. Anyone who doesn't pay in is told in no uncertain terms they aren't in the club.

Normally I would agree but after having recently on a finance course to see how I can start actually having money left at the end of the month I realise not everyone should have to buy stuff for other people not in this day and age when money is tight or people might be trying to retire early etc. this is exactly why money flies in my account and straight back out! I would suggest you all look at making it a fair system if you have to buy your own teas/coffees. Is there a reason the company isn’t providing tea and coffee? Can you ask your leaders? And can you do a rotation for special occasions or agree if people contribute, it doesn’t mean everyone else has to?

I wouldn’t purchase a Starbucks coffee for everyone (it would cost me approx £60) - that is an unreasonable expectation that you have.

Contributing to the tea and coffee kitty is different. I think that needs addressing.

Buying cakes because he’s going on A/L?! I don’t understand this either.

We raise money for charity by selling cakes once a month in our office but there is no pressure to make a cake or buy one. Birthdays makes more sense.

What does annoy me is genuinely tight people. The people who wouldn’t pay you back for the £1.20 coffee from Greggs but would demand payment when it was their turn to pay, conveniently forgetting all the coffees they haven’t coughed up for!

It's because it's work. Some people think it's beneath them to contribute or spend a penny in the workplace. It's the same with school, some parents are so entitled they refuse or try to get away from spending a penny on their kids, even moaning because they have to buy uniforms (as if the kids would be left without clothes if they didn't go to school?)

Fair enough to only want to contribute the minimum to keep it friendly, but then, as above, don't take anything from what others have contributed!

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to buy cake for loads of people that I don’t care about if I go on holiday!!

And you’re moaning about him coming in with a coffee as though he’s obligated to buy a £5 coffee for everyone else, but surely if he’s bought his own he’s not using it from the office?