Do stingy people realise they are being stingy?

[Shinysal]

I work in an office with one other person we’ll call him Steve. We have a team of 4 staff we manage between us and then I have another team of 10 staff which aren’t under his management.

My team of staff always include Steve in annual leave treats (we buy lunch, cakes or coffee on our last day). I regularly buy coffees for the team on my way to work. Everyone takes turns at buying coffee, milk & teabags for use in the office.

Steve never buys coffee or milk but uses the stuff available. He comes in regularly with a Starbucks for himself in the morning. He always asks anyone else finishing what they are buying for the annual leave treats.

Today he finishes for annual leave and mentioned a few times yesterday he might buy cakes or coffees then went on to say that he doesn’t think anyone wants anything as a few on healthy eating. I replied to him that he should buy them and it’s down to the individual if they want to have them and pointed out that the team always buy. He’s arrived today with a pack of 4 cakes!! He’s sat them on his desk and told everyone he bought them for annual leave but no one has actually been offered one.

do you think he realises that he’s a tight arse?? He seems completely oblivious to it!

It would never occur to me to buy coffees for my colleagues when I am on my way into work. If I pop out to get anything during the working day, then maybe, but not during my commute in. It all sounds a little OTT. I think the office should pay for coffee/tea/biscuits/fruit, not the people working there.

I certainly wouldn't buy Starbucks for my colleagues on the way to work. For starters waiting for to be made and carrying it would be a massive pain.

There should be a kitty for tea/coffee/milk. Work how much it costs a month then ask each person for their share of that amount. I'd make it very awkward for someone refusing to pitch in for this!

As for cakes etc for AL. I guess just don't buy any for him. To me that doesn't necessarily mean he's really tight, expect for the milk etc.

He just doesn't care about stuff like that.

I hate this works “policy” my place you bring in cakes when you go on leave or if it’s your birthday. I don’t though because I have a team of 30 it’s so expensive to feed them all and there’s always one greedy fucker that takes way more than their share do some miss out. I also can’t afford to do it every time I’m on leave.
The difference is I don’t partake when others do bring stuff in.
If he worked in my place he’d get called out for eating the treats but not posting it back

god I would hate to buy coffees for 14 people. Or cakes for all of them for each annual leave. And I’m not stingy. Is it all really necessary???

What fresh hell is this? Having to buy cakes for everyone because you’re going off for a few days? What numpty came up with that?

So many people are missing the point. It’s fine if you like the idea of sharing food and buying drinks at work. It’s fine if you don’t. The arsehole move is to join in with others are paying and then conveniently forget/not notice/ do a shit job when it’s your turn (eg not picking up enough cakes for everyone).

I know someone who is a real tightwad and she honestly thinks shes being really sensible and that everyone else is wasteful. She truly somehow doesn't see the irony that when someone else has been kind enough to bring in treats or whatever, she's happy to tuck in?

I honestly think she thinks she's being really financially efficient, shes quite proud of herself for never spending a penny more than necessary and regularly gives people saving advice as needless to say she's saved lots of money.... but doesn't see how cheeky it then is to benefit from other people's generosity.

It comes from an innate selfishness as far as I can tell, she only looks at the benefit to herself and while others continue to be generous and include her when offering up a biscuit or whatever, she doesn't see a downside to the way she behaves. It's awful, penny pinching mean behaviour is so unattractive.

That said, it's a totally different situation if someone chooses not to participate in buying rounds, or sharing snacks if they really cannot afford to at all. But if you aren't chipping in, don't take what others bring in!!

He is doing his own thing, not sure if that's stingy or just someone out for themselvesand not engaging with expectations . I'd think a proper kitty for the office supplies would be better but you can't really complain about stuff that's brought in to share being shared by the people it's offered to.

The cakes would bother me less than the fact that Steve doesn't contribute to the coffee, tea and milk supplies, but feels entitled to use them, @Shinysal. Someone needs to say to him "Steve, if you are going to use the supplies that the rest of us provide, you should be buying your share of them too. Stop being a freeloader!!"

The buying cakes when you go on holiday thing aside (which I think is bloody daft btw), some do and some dont.

There seems to be two main brands of stingy. The ones who treat it as a hobby/obsession and will do all they can to avoid paying for anything. The ones who will take a tupperware to a party with a buffet so they dont have to pay for food the next day (seen it), or will argue the toss over a shared pizza because one person had one more slice than they did (seen it), will make their, or often someone elses, life so much harder to save themselves £1 parking costs (exFIL) and so on.

Then there are the ones who really dont think they are stingy at all. They think that they are sensible and frugal and everyone else is profligate and irresponsible. I personally find that these are the ones for whom it can become problematic. Where spending any money at all is so unthinkable that it starts to affect them physically and mentally. My mother has a tendency to be like this, and was really bad when DSis and I were kids. Nothing that wasnt absolutely essential was bought. She resented anything she had to pay for and it was always the absolute cheapest she could find. Resulted in bullying for us as kids, then later in life an eating disorder each and both of us spending more than is sensible on non essentials simply because we can. But she would/will cheerfully throw money at anything she wants/ed or values/d. So we would go without day to day and then have a holiday every year as she valued that.

Now I think about it nobody should be expected to do this for annual leave. Maybe a birthday if everyone agrees.

I wouldn't be buying coffee for my colleagues, friends and family yes, flip that's talking about dropping £20 for just coffee. He definitely should contribute to the kitty and he could buy a pack of biscuits to share. However I think it is weird to buy stuff when going on annual leave, I prefer to buy as and when and not feel obliged. I'd take part though if it was the done thing.

I'd be inclined to keep a scalpel and kitchen scales in my desk drawer for next time - and then forensically dissect the cakes and weigh them fairly, before announcing "So that works out at 0.2857 of a cake per person - I hope you're all hungry!"

I think it's fine not to partake in the buying of treats for everyone as long as you don't enjoy the treats others have brought in. I simply prefer to choose and purchase my own food.

I also don’t buy take away coffees because they are
too expensive and
not as good as I can make at home and we have coffee making facilities at work so I’d happily put the kettle on and make for others.

I wouldnt call myself stingy just because I don’t buy what others want though but then I’d chose not to have a carryout if someone asked me

If, however, there’s a tradition of people buying treats because they are off on holiday I would join in with some home made cupcakes because Again mine are bloody amazing 🤣🤣🤣

( In our office people usually bring something in when they return from their holidays. So I recently came back from Guernsey with Guernsey fudge made from Guernsey milk. One guy ate so much he was off sick the next day ……..I did warn everyone is was far richer than fudge you get over here.

It’s nice to get a treat in the office if someone’s picked up something local from their hols but not expected. Ever

Is this only done for annual leave before a week's/fortnight's holiday or for ALL annual leave?

If you've taken a day's AL on a Thursday to go to a GP appointment, drop off some dry-cleaning and wait in for the washing machine repairman, do you have to bring in cakes beforehand to 'celebrate'?

I can see how this could work out very unfairly - for those who DO participate, obviously not for Hands-Out Steve - if some people prefer to/have the luxury of only taking their AL in two or three big chunks for lovely exotic holidays, but others have to keep taking a day or two at a time, in dribs and drabs, for child-related stuff, appointments, unforeseen events, errands or other not-particularly-exciting mundanities.

Steve uses the stuff available.
He always asks anyone else finishing what they are buying for the annual leave treats.

that's the problem.

He can't have it both ways, either he's joining in and paying his share, or staying well away but that means not grabbing stuff bought by someone else.

the annual leaves treats ARE very bizarre

Aside from contributing to the kitchen supply of tea and coffee if someone partakes, that all sounds ridiculous. I think you should be thanking Steve for not perpetuating the practice and join him in solidarity.

What? Join him in enjoying all of the cakes that nobody ever now brings in?!

It makes a huge difference whether people are always stingy or only when they have to pay.

Plenty of people have to/like being careful with their money, and so they bow out of what, to them, seem like extravagances. CFs have magic short arms that won't reach down into their own pockets but, curiously, can easily reach the bottom of everybody else's.

Careful is stuff like deciding to save on petrol and parking costs by walking somewhere instead. CFery is deciding to save on petrol and parking by persuading somebody else to drive you there in their car and pay for the fuel and parking whilst you jump out at the destination and run off, pockets still firmly zipped up.

Why would you buy treats for other people before you go on holiday? Is it some weird annual leave tax?
I’m so glad I work from home.

Man, Steve's not just a terrible self-centred single bore at would-be coupley evenings, he's also the office Scrooge. I wonder what other ghastly shortcomings of Steve's are yet to be revealed. Someone ought to have a word.

Seriously, I really couldn't get worked up about who brings how much cake when -I'm relieved when we have a cake free week in my team.

But he is participating when he eats the stuff others bring in, he just doesnt want to pay out when its his turn!

I wouldnt take part in something like this, but equally I wouldnt take food that someone else had brought in either. He wants it both ways.

I didn’t think it was that unusual that we brought stuff in before a holiday 🤣🙈 interesting to hear that many people find it bizarre and strange. There’s no expectation to spend a fortune, supermarket biscuits or cakes are the most common!

we get blocks of annual leave so only when you take your block not for one or two days.

Who started this tradition?I would hate this!
Office should provide tea/coffee or do a petty cash box for it. Too many variables in price of tea/coffee/cake just buy you own would be my preference.