Do stingy people realise they are being stingy?

[Shinysal]

I work in an office with one other person we’ll call him Steve. We have a team of 4 staff we manage between us and then I have another team of 10 staff which aren’t under his management.

My team of staff always include Steve in annual leave treats (we buy lunch, cakes or coffee on our last day). I regularly buy coffees for the team on my way to work. Everyone takes turns at buying coffee, milk & teabags for use in the office.

Steve never buys coffee or milk but uses the stuff available. He comes in regularly with a Starbucks for himself in the morning. He always asks anyone else finishing what they are buying for the annual leave treats.

Today he finishes for annual leave and mentioned a few times yesterday he might buy cakes or coffees then went on to say that he doesn’t think anyone wants anything as a few on healthy eating. I replied to him that he should buy them and it’s down to the individual if they want to have them and pointed out that the team always buy. He’s arrived today with a pack of 4 cakes!! He’s sat them on his desk and told everyone he bought them for annual leave but no one has actually been offered one.

do you think he realises that he’s a tight arse?? He seems completely oblivious to it!

I just think it’s an unrealistic expectation and can’t be arsed with it to be honest. I like to eat and drink according to my own schedule, and am not interested in spending my time ferrying cups of tea back and forth. It just seems like a waste of time and energy. I’m not stingy (I always contribute to presents for big occasions and leaving cards etc) but day to day I’d rather not be constantly interrupted by people asking if I want a drink or be expected to make drinks for others.

Sometimes the act of making a drink/going out for your lunch is also about having a little break and a breather, and having to remember that John wanted one sugar and Jenny wanted a Kit Kat is not my idea of a break.

Oh what, like 4 cupcakes? I thought you meant the small cakes you can get from the shops.

Again, I’d ask. Steve - who are those for? Usually we get enough for everyone, it’s going to be awkward splitting those out!

But if all else fails, you’ll need to start excluding him. He can hardly complain if he never gives. He does sound like a stingy git!

@ChocolateCinderToffee not necessarily - you may just have never worked in public service or a charity or similar - I’ve never in all honesty worked anywhere it wasn’t provided , apart from a couple of years of nursing training - as we then used the canteen - I’ve had a business since2003 and when I used to have 4 staff always had all the basics in plus biscuits and a fridge with cans of coke etc plus water fountain -

Do you know his circumstances, I think this issue falls into 3 camps...

1. He's skint, obviously he earns likely as well as you ish, but for some reason has large outgoings, maybe a dependent or similar.
2. He's oblivious and just genuinely doesn't think about it
3. He's a CF who is well aware but until someone calls him out he will keep winning this lottery of tea, cake and coffee.

I think a few pointed remarks normally uncovers if it's 1, 2 or 3. The issue is that if it's 1 it might be embarrassing and personal for him to fully reveal. It depends how well you know him I think. I'd see if you can work it out and then challenge appropriately - it's awkward for his team members, nobody likes a boss who gives less than he takes especially when they'll know he earns more than them.

meh, I'm happy with a decent pension, good working conditions and 56 days holiday (well, 32.5 but we can take 2 days toil a month) even if it means buying my own teabags, tbh.

(although in fairness my previous 2 jobs had cs pension and free tea and coffee)

@latetothefisting yes there is that of course too - I’m sure plenty in private businesses would indeed be happy to bring in their own supplies for those benefits- !!

I don't think this is really an example of being stingy. There's no way I'd regularly buy work colleagues coffee on my way to work, I rarely buy takeaway drinks for myself. I get bringing cakes into work occasionally, birthdays etc but again I wouldn't expect others to if they didn't want to. Not sure why you do it before annual leave, that's quite strange.

@YouMustBeTheWeasleys where is your thread about paying to attend engagement party?! I’d love a read!

As a manager I always bought small Christmas gifts and Easter eggs for my staff. But I cannot imagine how this takeaway coffee thing got going in an office?

(Separate to the tea kitty, obvs)

Annual leave treats?? I feel sorry for Steve, your office etiquette sounds batshit.

I'm with you mostly ( but not so grinchy about not liking people).
How do ypu feel.about Steve helping himself to resources that others have contributed, such as tea bags and milk? It is one thing to refuse to buy coffee and cakes for everyone, quite another to take stuff others have bought as a shared resource, when you have no intention of vontribting to the sharing.

Batshit? Really?

The multiple people up in arms over op's office tradition must lead such small, limited lives to be describing it in such overblown terms.

Is it as common as, for example, bringing in treats on your birthday? No. But it's hardly akin to everyone wearing their underwear on their head and doing the conga making animal noises before the Monday morning meeting.

Lots of people bring back treats after they've been away on holiday, OPs office doing it beforehand is a slightly different twist on that, that's all.

This is the UK, even things like hurtling yourself down a hill in pursuit of a Wheel of cheese, or rolling Tar barrels set aflame or bog snorkeling are merely "quirky" - when people bring in snacks for their colleagues really, really doesn't qualify as "batshit".

Besides which, even if the tradition was that you had to bring in cakes baked into the shape of your colleagues's faces and then lick each one of them before passing them down the line it's irrelevant because a) STEVE DOESNT HAVE TO PARTICIPATE and b) THATS NOT THE QUESTION

Replace the "before annual leave" with "on their birthdays" if it makes it easier for your conservative mind to comprehend what OP is actually asking which is just "if Steve eats everyone else's treats is it reasonable for him to bring his own in occasionally?"