Do stingy people realise they are being stingy?

[Shinysal]

I work in an office with one other person we’ll call him Steve. We have a team of 4 staff we manage between us and then I have another team of 10 staff which aren’t under his management.

My team of staff always include Steve in annual leave treats (we buy lunch, cakes or coffee on our last day). I regularly buy coffees for the team on my way to work. Everyone takes turns at buying coffee, milk & teabags for use in the office.

Steve never buys coffee or milk but uses the stuff available. He comes in regularly with a Starbucks for himself in the morning. He always asks anyone else finishing what they are buying for the annual leave treats.

Today he finishes for annual leave and mentioned a few times yesterday he might buy cakes or coffees then went on to say that he doesn’t think anyone wants anything as a few on healthy eating. I replied to him that he should buy them and it’s down to the individual if they want to have them and pointed out that the team always buy. He’s arrived today with a pack of 4 cakes!! He’s sat them on his desk and told everyone he bought them for annual leave but no one has actually been offered one.

do you think he realises that he’s a tight arse?? He seems completely oblivious to it!

God I hate it when people in offices start something then there’s an expectation.
I take sweet treats in for my team but not always just as and when I feel.
I don’t care if no one reciprocates.
Youve started something and when others not doing the same it’s bothering you.
Need to make it exception and not the norm.

A bit confused about the Kronenburg story.

He bought and drank 4 and wanted a little more??

Shouldn't the host have been providing the drinks anyway and he did the host a service by bringing 4 of his own??

E.g. Just bring a bottle of wine- i thought this would be normal- but the amount he drank it wouldn't have been enough.

Or is he supposed to bring enough for himself and an extra bottle???

All of this

In our group there is the rule that you bring what you want to drink and if you run out then there are shops nearby. Its a throwback to when we were younger and no one could afford to host. ITs a rule we have stuck with between us as it works really well! The hosts dont have to spend a fortune, everyone gets what they perfer to drink and all chuck in a fiver or whatever towards food.

I think it’s unreasonable to accept the gifts such as coffees etc when he isn’t buying any in return. He needs to say “don’t include me” as I can’t/wont reciprocate. As for the tea/milk fund, I wouldn’t make him a hot drink until he started to contribute to it.

@Finteq i didn’t explain it well. Whenever he goes to any event be it a party, a dinner, whatever, he only ever brings the 4 beers that he will consume himself. Nothing to share, nothing that could be a gift for the host etc

I never used to eat the office cakes. I just don’t like sugary food, I worked part time and no one ever knew when my birthday was so I never bought any either. People probably thought I was a bit stingy but they knew I wasn’t taking the piss.
Then someone cottoned on that I didn’t like cakes so everyone started including fancy crisps just so I could have something.
I was so touched how generous everyone was about this that I felt I had to join in. No way could I have eaten some crisps and not bought back cakes for everyone else. I really don’t know how people can take from others and never give.

There are four in our department, we bring in treats, cakes, coffees etc. Simon always helps himself but never ever gets anything in apart from a bag of rock hard fudge one year. He has had presents bought by our boss two Christmas's running and not so much as a box of chocolates to share. At Christmas we always have a tin of chocolates he will help himself to

We've now taken to having our treats on a Friday when he is not there

I honestly think it’s unreal that a company ( or indeed if it’s public service) aren’t providing at minimum tea/coffee/water fountain . The company my son works for does Friday. Lunch takeaway if you are I. The office- you just order up to £15 on the company’s account - it’s little things in smaller companies that can create good vibes and making people have a kitty for real basics is totally tight wad

i think more people need to call out this behaviour - if someone is happy to join in with office sweets etc and not contribute then they need challenged. An old friend of mine is so stingy - she came to me distressed a few years back as she has been excluded from invites out with work colleagues.’we worked in the same place at the time albeit different departments and I knew why. Basically she wouldn’t buy a round or if she had no option she would buy herself a soft drink when it was her round and an expensive drink when it was anyone else’s round.

I told her honestly that I’d heard people were fed up with it so just stopped inviting her. She spluttered a bit about it not being true until I pointed out that the last 5 outings we had had she had not contributed to the shared cab home which meant I had paid £100 over those 5 outings on transport for us both. I had tried to ask her about contributing before she always send she’d send it on and never did. She knows she’s doing it but something in her enjoys getting away with it - hence the annoyance and embarrassment when called out.

I stay in my sisters after nights out now as she lives near town so it doesn’t bother me and I make sure that we pay for meals etc dependent on what we ate and drank. Unfortunately she is still quite isolated in work - meanness is something that grates on people. My other half is quite good about confronting her also - she has showed up to a few bbqs empty handed so last summer he told her before she came that she was expected to contribute like everyone else . She’s so nice in other ways but selfish with stuff like this. Her social circle is getting very small.

Yeah pretty tight. I wouldn’t want to get into buying rounds of coffees but he should definitely particulate properly in AL treats (is this a thing? Isn’t in my office) and using tea / coffee and milk.

Oh and I got the £50 for cans from her in cash there and then🤣

As I explained above,my mother is a tight bitch (both parents are)
However,my brother and his wife are just cfs
If they can get away without paying/make money out if you,they will-they are the tightest of arses and proud of it
She once tried to charge me a tenner for babysitting the kids while I ran to the shop for milk (I was a skint single parent at the time and had ran out and needed some for the kids breakfast)
I would have been gone 7 minutes at best
Anyway,they upgraded their phones and had the old handsets
My mother decided she wanted one and had her hand held out for it
My brother tried to charge her £100 (which is about what he'd have got if he'd flogged both on ebay)
It was hilarious watching all 3 of them trying to outdo each other
She got her way in the end but they made her pay in other ways
Ditto the sky box-they had some promotion at the time where if you recommended someone,you got a £50 voucher
It was so funny watching them go around in circles trying to con these vouchers off each other

“Or my friend who always always brings 4 kronenbergs for him to drink to an event hosted at someone else’s house…and always wants to drink more than that and ends up relying on the good grace of others.”

Absolutely HATE people who do this.
I have been quite vocal about this sort of CF-ery in the past!!!!

You might think it is 'unreal', but that is the way it is, and has always been for everyone who works in the public sector.

You have a kitty for your tea / coffee / milk.
You pay for your own Christmas do.
The concept of putting £15 worth of stuff on a credit card to treat yourself even once is completely alien, let alone weekly. That's several hundred pounds a year per person that would be taken from the department's budget.

@CarpetKnees I do realise this is the usual practice of course, must admit I do think it’s a bit crap that the basics such as tea coffee and water aren’t even provided.

Just start a tea club when everyone is in. Will probably only be about £2 a week. Pin it to the wall and take turns buying the stuff. He’s probably blissfully unaware that these things take money and effort as his wife probably does it at home.

After memories of being singled out because I couldn't afford to buy stuff for other people without having to knock my gas, electricity or food bill on what I was being paid, I refuse to contribute so that others on less money than me can see it's not compulsory.

Never ever had to buy my own coffee or milk at work! Sounds like it's your employer that's the stingy one. I'm not in the least bit stingy but I'm not wealthy enough to buy takeaway coffees for colleagues! I don't buy them myself as I make much nicer coffee at home anyway. Your work place sounds weird.

Societal pressure?

If you work in local government, for the civil service or for a charity, your employer doesn’t buy your tea and coffee.

You must have very limited professional experience to think it’s standard to get tea and coffee paid for by your employer.

Agree with this

I always take the view that I am going to work to make money not spend it, so I can see where he is coming from.

I’ve always worked in small firms and it’s been a real mix. Some have provided basic tea, coffee, milk, sugar but others have provided nothing beyond a kettle or water boiler and expected staff to provide their own either individually or sort it out within their own groups/departments.

One firm had one of those old maxpac vending machines where it was 5p per cup. They provided a monthly supply of 5p coins for each staff member being 2 coins per day. If you wanted more than 2 drinks per day you had to pay yourself. Part timers ridiculously got pro rata coins, so those only working mornings only got one coin per day. Those working 3 days per week got 6 coins per week. It must have cost the firm more in staff time to empty, count and distribute the coins than they’d have made in the extra coins from people wanting more than one cup per morning/afternoon! The whole set up was utterly bonkers.

I always tended to opt out whatever the system and just take in my own water or soft drink cans/bottles so not to get involved as I always hated doing the drinks run to make drinks for everyone in the office, so by not having hot drinks myself, Ivwas under no pressure to make them for everyone else.

I probably have come off that way in some previous jobs.

One job, it was the established etiquette to ask like 40 people before you made teas and coffees, or even if you were just getting a glass of water. I have (undiagnosed at the time) ADHD and simply could not cope with remembering who took milk and sugar and whose mug was whose. The whole thing stressed me out so much that I just took in a litre bottle of water and pretended not to drink tea or coffee.

Similarly I don't ask people if they want anything from outside if I go out on my lunch break because I can't handle remembering orders - I could write it all down but then you still have to make a sensible choice if someone's first choice isn't there etc

I also have trouble (sometimes I think I am AuADHD) with understanding unwritten expectations like the taking it in turns to buy the tea/coffee supplies thing - I kinda need to be told when it's my turn.