Hr meeting over a comment

[HRHooha]

(Not racist discrimination et cetera in any way.) If you went into the meeting and pretended to just not remember the comment, as it's only a first level meeting, where could they go from that?

I sometimes wish you could look at the most often hid threads on MN - for me, they're probably the ones that frustrate me.

I notice that I quoted the OP asking a question about something they'd written, and that they were able to change the original comment, and that it also changed in my quote of it.

OP, it’s all about self preservation. Do what you need to do to protect yourself.

Why can't you just say in the meeting : 'Noted. I am not sure I expressed myself in the way claimed but I won't speak of this issue again amongst colleagues'.

Generally works.

@PestoPasto "Agree with PP saying there’s no such thing. All HR meetings are formal no matter what they say." Not true. As a former HR manager I had to give "words of advice" to an employee whose personal presentation at work left a very great deal to be desired. It was an informal, private, 1:1 chat with them, no notes were taken and no note was made on their personnel file.
If OP's is a formal disciplinary meeting, HR would be legally obliged to inform her of that beforehand by writing to her clearly outlining the reason for the meeting, specific details of the allegations, date, time, and location of the hearing, and of her right to be accompanied. If this informal meeting immediately escalates to disciplinary proceedings with the outcome being unfavourable to OP, she would have grounds for an employment tribunal claim against her employer for not following the correct procedure (as a bare minimum, ACAS' best practice).

So, you've been asked to a meeting, and you have pretended to not know what the meeting is about.

But surely you would have asked 'what is the meeting for?', - so they would have said 'it's about a comment you made'. Surely you would have then asked 'what comment?'.
Rather than stewing over it for a bank holiday weekend?

Or did they say 'you'll find out at the meeting' ?

I wouldn't be able to recall things I said yesterday let alone several weeks ago.

Remember to check up on all the tell tale body language signs that someone is lying, easy to spot if you know what you are looking for.

'recollections may vary'

😄

Doesn’t really look like her colleagues have her back if they go running to HR does it?

We all have a moan about policies but if I disagreed with someone I would tell them why, not go to HR.

I am unclear on what you are asking.

Did you make the comment?
If yes then why are you intending to deny making it?

Not having a recollection (as opposed to saying you did not say xxx) means they will likely believe what the other person says you said - as you are not actually denying it.

@HRHooha this reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. We were forced to do mindfulness sessions once a week (included breathing exercises in a group setting). After a session I walked out and muttered under my breath that it was bullshit. Obviously shouldn’t have said it. I got pulled about it and my response was, oh I don’t remember saying that, sorry if it caused offence though - that was that. I left the job not long after as it clearly wasn’t for me!

But why should the op apologise for an ‘error’ when it’s her opinion of a work policy and she appears to have several years experience?
If she said ‘I don’t think we should have male radiologists carrying out mammograms as it will put some women off being checked’ is that right or wrong? Only time will tell.

This. So many pious types trying to shame you for having your own opinion or going against the grain, OP. They may need to be reminded that no one has the right not to be offended at work, that not everyone will agree with them, and trying to police what others say at work could be seen as harassment if they do it habitually. Reporting people to HR is one way bullies operate.

Perfectly reasonable to ask HR for details of what is alleged to have happened / been said. Perfectly reasonable to say that you don't recall what has been complained about. Politicians, statesmen, the police and CEOs of major corporations do it all the time, even after swearing to tell the truth.

It might be more plausible to say: 'I think I remember the encounter being referred to, but it was a while ago and I don't remember it clearly. I know that we disagreed in our opinions but I can't recall exactly what was said. If X + Y interpreted whatever it was I said as overly critical or combative then — well, then that's their opinion. I don't recall what was said clearly, but it wasn't my intention to ABCD, so I suspect there's been a misunderstanding.' You can add something about trying to be clearer or more mindful of X + Y or the issue in future if you feel inclined.

Only you know what it was you said. Only you know whether you ventured into discrimination / defamation territory or you have been dobbed in by someone who wants your job/ doesn't like you/ is trying to suppress any opinion that they don't want people to express. There's a lot of the latter about.

do you need a change?

anyway,
i am sure you can try to be non committal
just say Thank you for the information

Could it be construed as whistle blowing ("if a client discloses harassment we don't have a duty of care" " well that's safeguarding out the window") or just suggestions ("we really don't need two people on reception all the time, Mary was pulled off my job to do nothing on reception").

Without knowing more it’s very hard to say but I think you either need to admit to the comment or be seen as dishonest.

Really depends on the comment the number of long serving employees we've had to have words with recently is pretty big. Some people do seem to want to fight management and any kind of change even if it's an improvement.

Mostly it's been people trying to get away with not using the new IT systems (the old ones are from the 90s so on their last legs) or trying to revert back to old ways of working like ordering an item without a PO and telling colleagues to do the same.

Most companies are happy for constructive feedback but depends if it was that or the OP was just being awkward.

If you remember saying it, say so. Say you didn't think it was a problematic thing to say but you are sorry if someone felt offended. Lying will not help.

I had to be cross examined in an employment tribunal and part of the complaint was about something I had allegedly said 3 years beforehand. I honestly could not remember saying it and told the judge this, but I also added that it was quite possible that I did say it as it was the kind of thing I might well have said. It was an opinion which I had a right to hold and someone else had a right to object to. I think they appreciated the honesty with which I approached things. It certainly did not go against me as complaint was not upheld.

The trouble with saying you don’t remember saying it is that it means you can’t really justify it (either by saying the comment was accurate or by saying that even if someone deems that it wasn’t, surely you’re allowed to give your opinion).

Yes it looks like the initial explanation part of the post is missing, there's no information to base a response on

Never treat meetings with HR as informal or trivial.

All informal really means is that it is the first stage of a disciplinary process. So you will get a letter saying that you have received an informal verbal warning (although that seems contradictory). A chat with HR is, more often than not, an ambush.

Make sure you are careful, take notes or ask to record the meeting and, if you are allowed to take someone as support, do so.

I don’t think that failing to remember will achieve anything. They will still say it was witnessed by more than one person and the consequences will be the same.

If you think you expressed a reasonable opinion, then defend it. It is perfectly ok to disagree with a policy, as long as you haven’t actually breeched it.

excellent point!