Hr meeting over a comment

[HRHooha]

(Not racist discrimination et cetera in any way.) If you went into the meeting and pretended to just not remember the comment, as it's only a first level meeting, where could they go from that?

Why are you working somewhere you think their work policy is stupid

move to a better company that aligns with your way of thinking

and why lie? I’d say yes I think this work policy is ridiculous tbh and call them out.

Yeah public sector HR and we welcome negative and positive feedback on policies

If it’s nothing offensive and about a thing you do/don’t do at work why would you not say “yes I said it and here’s why”. If it was a reasonable thing to say and you can justify it what’s the problem? You might even get a change of policy.

I think you would be better explaining why you said it. Was it because you thought the policy wasn’t fair? Was it asking for clarification? I think you need to be really honest with yourself about what you mindset was at the time and go from there.

If you were mischief-making and trying to cause drama and you know there’s no ability to defend it you absolutely have the right to not be drawn into a conversation about it. Deny, deny, deny would seem prudent. If you said something you stand behind then I would admit to it and engage in a conversation about it, mainly because I do find some policies frustrating and I’d be prepared to say that to my seniors.

^This

From my experience, you need to ask yourself how well you get on with your manager / head of Department because HR normally suck up to them.

Do you know who reported your comment?

You’re already making their job easier if you deny something that happened in front of witnesses who felt strongly enough to bring it to the table.

Best course of action is to admit it, let them explain why it’s unacceptable to the organisation, and agree to learn from it.

You obviously stand by what you said, so own it. No one likes a liar, and trust me HR radar is fine tuned based on experience.

Thanks all for all your advice. I'm going out for the day now and won't be checking back.🙂

I suspect both from the having a meeting and op 's attitude that it's more serious than she's admitting.

but I can see the situation where she says "I don't remember saying that" then they say "and you also said <something worse>" and she's pretty stuck. They know she said the first and is saying she doesn't remember, so she can't say "actually I do remember and I didn't say the second".

Agree with PP saying there’s no such thing. All HR meetings are formal no matter what they say. An informal HR meeting will usually decide how they escalate the issue next and will also be documented. It’s not like you’ve just been pulled for a casual chat with a manager in the back room.

I imagine how you conduct yourself will determine the outcome. At my work claiming to not remember saying something, despite having several witnesses would only inflame the situation and would make HR far more likely to escalate it to the next step as they would argue no responsibility taken. Obviously, you know your workplace better than anyone else OP.

The scenarios are hardly comparable. I used to work with someone who took this "never admit to any mistakes, ever" attitude. She was well-known for her attitude (partly because she was stupid enough to brag about it!). No-one had any respect for her as she had no integrity and couldn't be trusted to tell the truth about anything. She was eventually made redundant and needless to say, not a single one of her former colleagues shed a tear.

The fact that the OP ‘won’t be checking back’ says everything we need to know. She’s created unnecessary drama and thinks she’s justified in doing so. Let’s hope she gets some luck in the meeting.

It's not "nosy". She's asked for advice based on a comment she made. I would say that knowing what the comment is makes a difference to people's advice.

If you are 'several decades in this kind of job' and you start using the 'you don't recollect' line, be prepared to hear suggestions of retirement on health grounds,

If it is not discriminatory but you really don't agree with it then you should probably come clean. You seem to feel quite strongly about the issue and it will probably come up again, albeit "sideways". Be brave and try to explain yourself. Surely you can do that in an inoffensive way. If this isn't possible it may mean that this isn't the right workplace for you. You could start to look around. If you don't want to do that then you just have to put up and keep quiet.

It’s the approach of someone who is pathetic.

If you've done nothing wrong then why all the cloak and dagger. You say you aren't going to self incriminate which suggests you are aware of something that they could find fault with. For example "I find it really frustrating that we still have to go through x y and z before we can do this....it would be so much more efficient if we did this instead" is perfectly valid critique but if you said " I hate that we have to go through x first for permission, he's such a wanker" then obviously not ok. Surely this is your opportunity to properly voice what change you'd like to see in the workplace.

Are thry complaining about what You said, or how you said it?

Either way, I wouldn't lie, but if it was about what, I'd probably stick to it - " I don't agree with this policy because <reasons> and I think it would be better to deal with it by doing <different way>, but yes, I will follow it while it's in place." And if it was about how it was said, I'd just agree, "I was wrong to call them fucking idiots, and I won't do it again, but I was frustrated because I think this process would be better if it was done differently."

Obviously if you did call them fucking idiots or something, you probably need to apologise as well.

Then 'mountains and molehills' come to mind.

If you have a good reason to dislike whatever it is, say, you don't think it's efficient/in the best interests of the company/fair and you can explain your reasons, then I don't think you have a problem.

this is the anniversary of the worst few weeks of my career - when some absolute thick snake (who was my manager) decided to compile a dossier on ‘things I had said and done’ Some was true - most of it was not.
I remembered saying some of it, had no memory of the other stuff and 100% denied the stuff I knew I’d never said. It was horrendous.
i took it incredibly serious, spoke to my union and despite it stealing my sleep for the weeks the investigation was ongoing made sure I was without question the model professional (despite at that time feeling actively insane about the potential consequences).
When the investigation was over I didn’t even receive a warning and that —little dickhead— person has now had their card marked publicly and the rest of the team know not to trust them. Including the big boss. I’ve ‘gone’ and now work fewer days for 50% more money and a tonne of perks (plus I no longer have to work in that toxic environment).
I would move on if the wagons are starting to circle - take this petty bollocks as a cue to look elsewhere. There will likely be more to come IMO.

This ^.

If the comment was truly only about a policy I can't see the issue with merely expressing disagreement with it or criticising it.

But if that were all it was I don't understand why colleagues would be upset or offended by it in the first place.

In any event, if there is independent 3rd party evidence from witnesses that the OP said it, then it's irrelevent if the OP remembers saying it or not

A junior colleague of mine was the subject of such an investigation after a work drinks night out at which he voiced some sexist views. He denied the allegations so the other colleagues present were interviewed separately and independently confirmed what was said. Other examples (of racist comments) then emerged, the junior was suspended and later sacked for gross misconduct.

As a manager who’s had to deal with people behaving like this, it’s incredibly annoying and creates more problems.

Theyre not idiots, they know you said it. Pretending you didn’t means you’re failing to be accountable and they’ll start to wonder what else you’ve been lying about.

Oh fgs 😂😂😂😂

Happens to me all the time... I think

www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/forgetful-rishi-sunak-says-cannot-31650515

if you have been in this role a long time, you are not a teenager, so stop behaving like one.

You don't agree with a policy, you said so. How you said it may be an issue, but disagreeing with policy - as long as you weren't encouraging/telling people to do things differently - is not a hanging offence.

Why not own it, admit that you probably could have worded it better and be willing to take the "talking to" and just move on? (then move on to somewhere where you do agree with their policies, or feel able to discuss them in the proper forum)