My boss reprimanded me and some of my other coworkers for avoiding a smelly coworker.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old male and i work as a web developer. I am fairly good at it my work and get along with most other coworkers.

But there is this one coworker that started 2 months ago. I will refer to him as tom.

Tom is good at his job but there is problem with him.

Ever since i met him for the first time, he always had a strong stench to him. His odor is a mix of weed and unwashed body odor and on top of that, his breath smells really bad.

But i always tried being polite but me and some of my other coworkers who also noticed how bad he smells avoid him but we tried not to be rude about it.

For examples. When tom would sit near us, my coworkers and me would tell each other "why don't we go seat over there. This table is a lot cleaner. Why don't we use this computer instead. This one is kinda slow. When you come back from the bathroom, join us on that other table next to the window.

And when we would be in the lunch break room, we would stand there, wait and see where tom would sit and we would make sure not to sit next to him.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.

But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

But just a week ago, our bosse called me into his office and he tells me that tom feels excluded and me and the other coworkers are creating a toxic work environment and my clique attitude will nog be tolerated.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.

My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.

My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

How would you deal with this ? Health or not, i cannot stand smelly people. I try not to be rude but when someone smells bad my first instinct is to avoid them.

You haven't handled this well, you or your colleagues. Tom might be unaware of his smell and is left wondering why people act strangely around him. I'm not suggesting you or others tell him. It's a manager or HR issue; they are experienced in supporting colleagues with sensitive matters. I would go back to the manager, apologise, and ask them to deal with it sensitively and support Tom.

Id have to because id have to continue to avoid Tom or I'd retch in his presence. Avoiding him would get me in more trouble and being near him would make me so ill. It would be an impossible situation for me.

If you stink how can you not smell yourself ?

There are social norms about cleanliness. If you ignore those rules, you can expect consequences. The mature thing would be to ask your boss to talk to smelly Tom about showering, brushing his teeth and wearing clean clothes. There are people who have health conditions that mean they do have difficulties but it sounds lke Tom is plain dirty.

I had a secretary once who had the most awful breath - it was like someything had crawled in there to die. I found it took a real effort not to flinch if she got too close. I didn't talk to my boss because it was pretty obvious she hadn't been to a dentist in years and her teeth were in a dreadful state and it would take more than brushing and flossing to fix the vile stench. Luckily I didn't have to have lunch with her but I literally don't think I'd have been able to eat in her vicinity.

They’ve approached it wrongly but that doesn’t mean they’re ND.
I couldn’t work with someone who smelled bad.

It baffles me that the employee doesn’t know he smells, I’m really aware of being clean and wearing fresh clothes.

Showering every single day is totally unnecessary at this time of year unless you're unusually dirty or sweaty. I'd be concerned about the mental state of a loved one who felt compelled to shower every bloody day. OTT.

You (& the rest of the group) need to formally notify your manager of the 'smell issue'.

Your manager / HR can then reasonably be expected to take steps to inquire in to the situation and find a suitable resolution.

You, however, can not carry on behaving as you have - it does come across as bullying and your manager has to deal with that too.

I'm not aware of any medical conditions that make you smell like this, so Tom probably just needs to hear some hard (if diplomatically put) truths...

If a child at school smells, it’s not his/her fault. If an adult at work smells of weed and doesn’t wash that IS his responsibility. If he doesn’t like people avoiding him because of his smell, he has the option to clean up his act.
His teammates absolutely shouldn’t have to put up with it. It would have been better to raise it with your manager straight away but it’s the manager’s job to deal with it.
I’ve had to deal with a smelly team member as a manager. It was really difficult but it was my job to have the conversation and no way would I expect team members / colleagues to just put up with it.

One of DDs friends at school often smells of musty clothing, sweat and also has a strong fishy smell..but do I prevent her from coming to my house to play with DD? No, I don't. I suck it up for DD and whilst I know Tom is an adult, there may be factors that prevent him from washing his clothes or accessing a shower. You just don't know do you.

I know it's not DDs friends fault, I've tried to indirectly help the family by giving them second uniform and taking her for play dates as her mother and father do absolutely nothing with her. It's an awkward situation but it wouldn't cross my mind to tell DD I can't have her friend over because of her smell. What does that teach her?

You are treating Tom badly and excluding him but the conversation needs to come from the manager.

You're doing it in a sneaky way because you somehow think he's thick and won't know why you're moving

Man up and speak to him as an adult, not a 12 year old boy.

When you are in a bus or subway and a smelly person sits next to you, you gonna want to move. Its the same thing at work.

Agree. You need to get your boss to deal with it. Otherwise, HR. If they won't deal with it, look for a new job. Or go self-employed. No smelly co-worker is a great bonus.

Everybody is wrong Tom for not following good personal hygiene, your boss for not having a word with him about it and you and your colleagues for being nasty bullies.

People can go "nose blind" it happens a lot with perfumes meaning people spray FAR too much on

This exact scenario was a role play I had to do in a training course once on how to manage people. Had to tell the person with BO that their body odour was noticeable and kindly suggest certain options. This is a matter for the line manager to deal with, but in the meantime the rest of you are behaving like the kids in Mean Girls.

OR how about actually trying to get it resolved in an adult manner? No one has actually told Tom what the issue is.

OP if you are looking for people to justify your bullying then you have come to the wrong place. Why aren't you taking advice or answering questions? Several people have suggested that somebody kindly talk to your colleague about his hygiene.

She’s a child. That’s the difference. Would you keep inviting an adult over to hang out with you if they smelt like that?

He's used to it.

Stop bullying the poor guy, it makes you stink as a person.

Ask your boss to speak with him privately about hygiene.

Start being nice. There are things called self-control and politeness. Start using them.

Something about this thread smells fishy.

@joel666 you hopefully realise on reflection that your behaviour was transparent to him. People reading your description of how you behaved are likely thinking how obvious it will have been to this man that you were ostracising him and how this behaviour is bullying even if that's not your intention.
As others have said, you should have spoken to your manager and explained the problem as soon as it was clear his personal hygiene problem wasn't a one off. That gives your manager the delicate and difficult responsibility of speaking to him about it, but now your manager has a much more difficult discussion about his body odour and about him being ostracised in the workplace. What's more it will be obvious the whole discussion is the result of wider tittle tattle. But your manager HAS to speak to him and give him a chance to put it right.

Talking to the employee is the manager's job.

This is the only correct response!

Crap, there's no medical condition that causes body odour or makes him smell of weed!!!

@joel666 tell your boss it's his job to deal with smelly Tom. Tom needs to wash and clean his teeth like anybody else, and nobody should have to put up with the smelly, lazy git in the workplace!

Why should the staff have to put up with this smelly person? What rubbish! The boss is a tw*t and the workers are within their rights to steer clear of this person. Why should he sail through life oblivious, but others have to make their lives uncomfortable to accommodate him? Honestly!