My boss reprimanded me and some of my other coworkers for avoiding a smelly coworker.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old male and i work as a web developer. I am fairly good at it my work and get along with most other coworkers.

But there is this one coworker that started 2 months ago. I will refer to him as tom.

Tom is good at his job but there is problem with him.

Ever since i met him for the first time, he always had a strong stench to him. His odor is a mix of weed and unwashed body odor and on top of that, his breath smells really bad.

But i always tried being polite but me and some of my other coworkers who also noticed how bad he smells avoid him but we tried not to be rude about it.

For examples. When tom would sit near us, my coworkers and me would tell each other "why don't we go seat over there. This table is a lot cleaner. Why don't we use this computer instead. This one is kinda slow. When you come back from the bathroom, join us on that other table next to the window.

And when we would be in the lunch break room, we would stand there, wait and see where tom would sit and we would make sure not to sit next to him.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.

But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

But just a week ago, our bosse called me into his office and he tells me that tom feels excluded and me and the other coworkers are creating a toxic work environment and my clique attitude will nog be tolerated.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.

My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.

My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

How would you deal with this ? Health or not, i cannot stand smelly people. I try not to be rude but when someone smells bad my first instinct is to avoid them.

This is a common sense approach which sadly is no longer acceptable in today's workplace. Fuck knows why not.

It's not at all means, don't be ridiculous. It's a completely normal and valid response to someone sitting next to you whose stink you can't put up with.

I imagine they would feel isolated and embarrassed, and that's sad for them, but it still doesn't mean everyone has to make them feel better staying next to them while trying not to vom.

Of course he’s going to notice you always moving away from him. You are all acting horribly towards him

Of course he'll notice. That doesn't make it horrible.

Say someone in work regularly makes racist remarks to colleagues. Is it bullying if noone wants to.sit with him and they all leave if he tries to join them? No, of course not. Offensive words, offensive smell...same deal.

"I am a 34 year old male."

I wonder when you'll start acting like one.

It’s perfectly acceptable - and it’s exactly what an HR professional on this thread has said should happen.

It depends. If people have been collaboratively avoiding him and he isn't aware why, I would agree. If he has been tactfully informed and chosen to do nothing about it, continuing to inflict in on co-workers, he deserves what he gets: actions/choices => consequences.

There is far too much sucking up to perpetrators and victim blaming in this country, that is at least partly why the behaviour of the general public has deteriorated, because few people dare call anyone out over anything through fear of it being projected back onto them. I'm sick of this we-must-be-tolerant bullshit attitude to things that are generally intolerable.

The way you dealth with it wasn't the best way. In a previous place I worked we had someone like Tom. They didn't smell of weed though. Just smelt like they didn't wash regularly. In the end a manager spoke to him to ask if there was anything the company could do to help him. We provided extra uniform for him so that he had more than enough to be able to change them (if some were in the wash). The manager also provided him with deodrant and a roll on. It's all about the way you speak to someone. She clearly must have said it in such a nice way because he wasn't offended in the least. After that talk, he didn't used to smell as bad when he used to come to work. The odd ocassion you could smell him a little bit. But it was bearable compared to what it was.

I think the point is, which I can agree up to a point, is that directly going for the avoidance/exclusion tactic is wrong. The first thing to do would be to tactfully raise it with the perpetrator, and if that doesn't work, raise it with management. If both those fail, then resort to avoiding the perpetrator.

You're entirely missing the point. It's not a tactic. It's not a plan. It's a simple matter of "I can't bear to be in close proximity to this person so I will remove myself immediately". I don't have to sit next to him for weeks while it's raised gently through several channels.

I've been in this situation. It's not wrong to look after yourself.

All the people saying it's rude the way OP has been acting..let's be fair now..he said Tom smells of weed...should Tom be smoking weed when he has work? Or just prior to work? It must have been at some point for the smell still to be coming from him. Totally inappropriate behaviour in a workplace to be coming to work like that.

It absolutely does matter whether it’s a disability or not, because there are different protocols for handling disability related issues. If it’s not disability related then it’s a disciplinary matter.

Think you are being a total arsehole I really feel for this guy yes he may have a health condition. Instead of taking the piss and being childish in a group nominate someone to tell him to save his embarrassment and you and your colleagues from being utter shits

I’m out of this debate because it’s descended to ridiculous levels. No-one is suggesting that colleagues have to put up with the smell - only that if it is disability related then the law has to be followed and reasonable adjustment made if possible. Disabled people have rights and what you’re suggesting is in breach of those rights. If it’s not disability related then it’s disciplinary. Either way the needs of Tom cannot be considered to be more important than the rest of the workforce who are impacted by the situation on a daily basis.

So you don’t care about hurting someone’s feelings. Thank you for confirming.

To sit near someone who smells can be quite unpleasant, l can understand why you would avoid to. Your boss or HR should sort it.

Yeah, you've got yourself stuck now. Things you might be able to do:
*Put vaseline or similar around your nose - this is usually done for hayfever reasons so shouldn't look too odd.
*Go and eat lunch by yourself in your car or leave the building by yourself and go out somewhere (going in a group will look like bullying)
*Encourage your manager into situations where they are likely to encounter the smell.
*Cannabis lingers as a smell. The smell probably isn't evidence of drug use (could be others in his household) but worth your manager smelling it for themselves assuming using illegal drugs is against the disciplinary policy.
*Be consistent with your attitude that personal hygiene matters, if you aren't already - wash your hands after going to the loo / before & after eating, use deodorant at work if you need to, consider breath freshener/ mints / chewing gum after lunch. Aim is for it to look ok to the new guy to attend to relevant bits of personal hygiene at work - that everybody actually washes their hands, that it's ok to suck some mints after lunch
*Do what you can to improve the environment at work eg. opening a window/ turning on a fan. Add your voice to any campaign for a shower at work if there isn't one (can be really useful for cyclists). If the office is at inconsistent/ rapidly changing temperatures or just too hot that can make people sweat more - worth arguing for a consistent, pleasant temperature. Similar point if you're required to wear uniform - is it in natural fibres / breathable? Do you have enough of it to wash it often enough? Are the toilets pleasant to use? Not looking for gold standard or anything but clean, not smelly etc.
*Join a trade union and ask them to help. In a better world you and volley would have already been members of a trade union and would have been able to ask your shop steward to talk to the new guy informally before it's reached the point of him being ostracized.

That could end up very badly just saying

totally support you on this
i don't care if it's a medical condition or not. personal hygene is a non-negotiable.

I once had a colleague who had poor personal hygene. i couldn't stand being in the same room,. the smell was nauseating. my other colleagues (2 males 3 females) all felt the same but were too shy to mentin it so after 1 week I asked her (the colleague with bad smell) to have a conversation and mentioned that I was uncomfortable bringing this up but it was for the benefit of all of us in the office. I said we valued her as a professional and enjoyed her company as her personality open and friendly but that we all felt her prefume was really strong and it was giving us headaches.
the week after it was sorted. either she changed deodorant, started using perfume or washed her cloathes but the issue was gone.

we all behaved like adults and in a polite way discussed something that was important to all of us.

so maybe you can leave a note on your colleague's screen askng for a chat. something polite and kind.

if this doesn't work you can tell your boss to sort it out as the smell is indeed creating a toxic environment, or you can all inform him you will be looking for a new job.

A diplomatic suggestion; could one of you bring in a bunch of deodorants/gum/mouthwash/ laundry detergent and say [insert friend/family member] needs volunteers to test these out for [job/education] research purposes? That way you’re getting these things into Tom’s hands but not singling him out as everyone will be ‘testing’ them?

Another option could be adding a toiletry basket in the loos which has some essentials and you all raving about how great an introduction it is and how much use you’re all getting out of them?

If he doesn't get the hint, your manager will have to firstly have a conversation with him about how he’s doing to rule out either a medical or mental health issue. If it’s not that, your manager could politely say something like ‘a few people have developed allergies/sensitivities recently, so alongside upping the cleanliness of the office environment, we’re recommending to everyone that a strong personal hygiene level is maintained to avoid any issues’. If it’s a customer facing role, your manager could say they’ve had external complaints about the presentation of several team members. Again this avoids him feeling targeted and causing MH issues PPs have mentioned.

I think whilst your behaviour could be seen as bullying, I also think your boss needs to grow a pair of balls. I’ve previously worked in a similar environment and we had a team of three who smelt and they had previously had their own office but within a work reshuffle other people were joining the smelly people and as the office manager it was down to me to have a discussion with them about their personal hygiene yes it was an always conversation but it needed to be done as there is responsibility from the company about all their staff both the smelly and the none smelly

Asking someone to shower and wash their clothes is a breach of their rights?

Bloody hell, wtf are you drinking?

You all avoid him but say you aren’t actually bullying him!! Guilt of omission if not the guilt of commission. It’s every bit as bad!

It really isn't. It's not bullying, obviously.

Wtf is everyone on, on this thread? Wittering on about bullying when you all know full well you wouldn't sit with stinky Tom either?