My boss reprimanded me and some of my other coworkers for avoiding a smelly coworker.

[joel666]

I am a 34 year old male and i work as a web developer. I am fairly good at it my work and get along with most other coworkers.

But there is this one coworker that started 2 months ago. I will refer to him as tom.

Tom is good at his job but there is problem with him.

Ever since i met him for the first time, he always had a strong stench to him. His odor is a mix of weed and unwashed body odor and on top of that, his breath smells really bad.

But i always tried being polite but me and some of my other coworkers who also noticed how bad he smells avoid him but we tried not to be rude about it.

For examples. When tom would sit near us, my coworkers and me would tell each other "why don't we go seat over there. This table is a lot cleaner. Why don't we use this computer instead. This one is kinda slow. When you come back from the bathroom, join us on that other table next to the window.

And when we would be in the lunch break room, we would stand there, wait and see where tom would sit and we would make sure not to sit next to him.

But on the bad luck that he would sit right in front of us, i would cover my nose with my hand. And my other coworkers would do the same.

But again we try not to show our disgusts. We don't gag or make any disgusted facial expressions.

But just a week ago, our bosse called me into his office and he tells me that tom feels excluded and me and the other coworkers are creating a toxic work environment and my clique attitude will nog be tolerated.

I admitted to my boss why we avoid him. I told him that i cannot stand the stench coming off tom.

My boss argued and said this is disrespectful and he could very well have a health condition that causes him to smell unpleasant.

My other coworkers later told me that they also got reprimanded.

How would you deal with this ? Health or not, i cannot stand smelly people. I try not to be rude but when someone smells bad my first instinct is to avoid them.

Thanks.

So expecting changes to be made would involve...? What?

Sending them home to sort it out, there and then? Of course, that's obvious to the rest of the work place that they've come in and been sent home, so I suppose that's a no-no, although I think it would be a reasonable response if you'd told them that they needed to improve.

Would they have to be actually dirty to make that action reasonable? I guess if it's not a public facing role, it's less of an issue for the business, but it's still a massive ask for the rest of the team.

Or would you speak to them as they leave in the evening, telling them they need to have taken positive action on their hygiene before they come in next day?

I assume if that doesn't happen, you really have no option but to move onto disciplinary procedures etc.

I appreciate the need to avoid publicly humiliating them. I think in this situation, humiliation is ultimately inevitable. You can humiliate someone with kindness and consideration by telling them their personal hygiene is not acceptable privately and quietly and away from everyone else. It's still humiliation.

What's needed is a solution and solutions can't be found if you're not honest and open with the individual about their problem.

I don't think asking the rest of the workforce to suck it up and tolerate unpleasant working conditions is acceptable.

You’re right it is always a humiliating conversation, for both sides, but if it’s handled sensitively that could be lessened.

IME the steps could be, and have been:

• Showering every day.

• If there’s an onsite shower facility, use it at lunch (I’ve been given extended breaks for that before)

• Bring a change of clothes in (I own the same top 3/4 times, so I can just change it in the summer as needed)

• Use wipes to remove any excess sweat as needed throughout the day.

• Be careful with tight fitting clothes

• Use certain brands of deodorant and other products (Driclour is good)

• Have a nominated member of the team/colleague who can discreetly tell you when it’s noticeable so you can do any of the above. I’ll admit, I am noseblind to it so this has been helpful.

• Keep management updated on any medical developments

• WFH and avoid client facing meetings on particularly bad days

I’ve only ever been on the receiving end of the conversation, and I’ve seen it handled in lots of different ways, and felt lots of ways about it. I’ll be honest, where it has been handled without sympathy or dignity I’ve usually resigned, never fired for it, as the working environment becomes impossible to work in from a personal wellbeing perspective.

But all of the above, and more, has been requested and followed.

I’m hopeful that you can see that if I’m doing all of that to manage a condition I have no control over - my colleagues should be able to show me some basic respect and decency.

I’m hopeful that you can see that if I’m doing all of that to manage a condition I have no control over - my colleagues should be able to show me some basic respect and decency.

Absolutely.

I don't imagine you were unaware of the issue - you're clearly very conscious and conscientious about your medical condition's potential results and are doing all you can to mitigate it.

The original post seems to imply that the possibly fictional Tom has actually been unaware (or uncaring) of the impact his problem has on others. So we're at odds here, in that I'm responding to Tom's circumstances, which appear on the surface to be vastly different from yours. Tom and the boss seem to be saying to everyone that they just have to put up with it. You're obviously of a different mindset, seeing as you go to such lengths yourself.

I guess my "go home and shower" is based on the suggestion that Tom is resistant to going to any lengths at all, which is a reading I've taken from the OP's posts. OP and colleagues have got it hugely wrong in how they've behaved, and it looks to me like the boss has let them all down in a big way, but the reason for their avoiding Tom seems, to me at least, completely understandable. Tom is upset that the others avoid him, yet not interested in solving the problem by making any changes. So yes, if I was his employer, I'd send him home to shower and change until he stopped coming in dirty and smelly, or until he ran out of warnings and was dismissed for not keeping to required standards in the workplace. In those circumstances, I can't see anything else that would do the trick.

Of course, I don't know the full story and am sure there's more to it than the bare bones that have been shared. I think we all agree that OP and his colleagues behaved terribly, yet most of us agree that they should not be expected to work in an unpleasant environment when there's a simple solution. This is what happens when a small problem isn't nipped in the bud and is allowed to fester (pun intended, sue me).

I think (possibly) that OPs manager saying there may be a medical reason implies that there is, and he isn’t able/happy to disclose it. I took it as a hint.

Regardless, possibly imaginary Tom should be getting managed to sort the problem, or at least take steps to.

If it is just that he smokes weed and doesn’t change his clothes, that’s ultimately a disciplinary matter.

While that’s ongoing, whether it’s his ultimate disciplinary dismissal or the resolution of his smell, I wouldn’t be condoning OPs behaviour in the meantime.

I don't remember many people condoning the OP's behaviour. In fact, most people have told the OP that he's behaved dreadfully, self included.

I do remember people saying they understood why OP moves away from Tom regularly.

Bit of a difference.

Your response is nothing to do with my post. Read the thread of messages it was attached to.

Huh? Not me. Some bad smells trigger a migraine. I'm then going to have to go home

No one can demand I accept regular migraines by forcing me around someone smelly

They resulted in the same kind of behaviour, because it's reasonable behaviour. It's completely reasonable and ok to not get close to someone who smells terrible. It normal to avoid them. It's not toxic and it's not bullying...it's a perfectly natural response.
It doesn't actually matter why the smell is there, disability or not. It's still there. It's still a major problem for others.

So you genuinely believe it’s reasonable for all of someone’s colleagues to pointedly get up and move away from them when they sit with them?

Just for a second consider how that person would feel, and how both isolating and embarrassing that would be.

You’d have to really not care about someone’s feelings to exclude them like that.

Gosh I've been on the receiving end of this, not for smelling, because of a health condition where I can't express myself well, at it's best I felt very lonely at it's worst I wanted to kill myself.

Instead of avoiding him because he smells, maybe try having a conversation with him and say to him he needs a shower and a change of clothes... Or even offer him to come over to your place after work and shower, maybe even have a meal. You don't know what is going on with him and his home life. #Bekindalways

WoW I can't get past all of the people jumping on the OP. I get nauseated by stinky people. I'm on his/her side.

Let him into his house ????

No chance.

I think we agree but it's not sustainable to avoid someone like this. It's cruel. Either get a grip and speak to the manager or speak to him themselves.

Some of these people really have no idea how anxious, uncomfortable or miserable they’re making others feel. Or they don’t care.

Why not? 2020 and 2021 was the year of be kind... Why can't we continue to be kind always in stead of judging and bullying

Be kind is generally a way to make women shut up and put up with poor behavior. I have no truck with it.

The OP seems to be a man, but same applies. Would you let Stinky into your house? I think not.

I wouldn't like to sit with a person that smells but I would never exclude someone. I definitely won't get up and move if they sat next to me. That is such mean behaviour and adults behaving that way make it 100% worse

The homeless guy who has a 'camp' near us keeps himself clean and doesn't smell. I'm sure a colleague with an actual home can.

I've took homeless people into my house so yes I would actually, I'd offer them a bath, a pair of clothes and a good meal... It costs nothing to be kind regardless of what or who they are. My point still stands.

Sure, Jan.

For a start you handled this wrong. You should have spoken to your boss and explained that the smell is making yours and your workmates work life uncomfortable.

it isn’t your job to confront him and you also shouldn’t be feeling ill because of it.

i don’t know of a medical condition that makes you smell like weed and sweat, there are medical conditions that cause you to smell but it smells like fish.

my friend worked with someone who smelt revolting. Like he’d never bathed and he’d messed himself. They reported it to HR, they had a word and he used the ‘medical condition’ excuse so they asked for a letter from his GP. I guess ‘too lazy to wash’ isn’t a condition that’s GP will write an letter for and he ended up getting the sack as no-one would work with him.

You all need to go to HR and explain that you simply cannot be around him due to the smell, you’ve not got anything against him but it’s making you all ill.

Could be athlete's foot which really stinks but if you can identify weed and sweat then you should all complain to you boss about being forced to share your space with someone unpleasant. If you all complain together, he won't have a leg to stand on.

Look I don't expect someone like you to understand... And I also don't need to justify myself to you or anyone else for that matter. I have a pure heart and do help less fortunate people because it's called being human. Now if you have nothing else to say but repeat yourself then good luck as I actually have a busy life. Enjoy your Sunday, I'm off to worship the lord. May he bless you 🙏🏼

Sorry but I sympathise with the OP. Going to the boss looks pathetic and people directly telling Tom he smells would definitely seem like bullying.
If Tom doesn't mix with people who don't do weed (if that's it) it's unlikely he knows how bad it is..... hopefully the boss will say something (unless he can't smell it👀😳).
Only advice I can think of is bit of Vicks menthol under your noses.... unless people think that would be bullying. Personally I can't stand that particular smell, I'd rather swap queues in a supermarket if someone whiffs...even if it's slower.