Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

OP is professional, polite/cordial and does her job. Nothing more is required. is she cordial though because every one of her posts is dripping with venom for one woman she has singled out and then anyone who likes her.

Doesn’t sound like a healthy environment at all. I have stage 3 cancer and between multiple operations and treatment, I’ve been off sick from work for 6 months. With an employer where I’ve been for 6 years. No one has said boo to me in that time. Not a hope you’re okay. Not a wish you well for your big surgery and hospital stay. Not a card. No flowers. Literally, it’s like I dropped off the face of the earth except for occasionally having to deal with HR. No one gives a shit. 😂 Which also isn’t healthy (it’s an equally dysfunctional environment but in the opposite direction). Personally, I would be looking for a new job.

I used to work with someone like you. She did her job but had a face like thunder most of the time. I didn't mind her at all but my colleague hated that she wasn't friendly and was really glad when she left. While it's fine to just go in and do your job maybe work might be more enjoyable if people could relax around you? I suppose it also depends how much you want to keep your job - you might find yourself out of the door if they need to let someone go.

Sounds like she is. She says good morning when she arrives in the morning. There is nothing to suggest she answers questions with any venom. She just doesn't involve herself with chit chat. That's not rude.

@anissa834

Rightly or wrongly (wrongly I think based on your tone and words used here) you are the one out of step,
You are making the work environment uncomfortable for others.
You have to fit in or fuck off or they will fuck you off out the door. No matter how marvellous you are, are you so irreplaceable that they will keep you, when you may be having an adverse effect on work and atmosphere.?
No, of course you're not. No-one is.
If you want the job-fit in.
If you aren't bothered about the job-fuck off before they do it to you.

"dripping with venom" ha ha ha!

You might want to dial down the hyperbole

Part of being professional is understanding and accepting that we’re all different and have different ways of interacting. This is the OP and this is how she is. Most teams are flexible enough to be able to accept diversity

YANBU OP. Does this company have HR? I would speak to them about the sexist expectations of women to be bubbly and friendly that don't seem to apply to men.

Me and my friends come from similar backgrounds. I was born in the UK but I am Nigerian descent and all of my friends are also Africans. Just from different countries in the African continent. So I tend to gravitate towards Africans and Caribbean diasporas living in the UK.

Well the OP said this:

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

So yeah to me, that sounds perfectly polite and cordial. Good morning all, then crack on with work. What's wrong with that?

Which is perfectly natural. Your employers are not treating you fairly.

You might want to read back everything she has said about them.

More likely the men just get on with their work and like the OP aren't involved in this frankly juvenile social clique nonsense.

What venom? Women who just want to polite and professional and not bubbly are not 'venomous'.

OP has nothing against this woman, she just wasn't to be one of her fans. And that's allowed.

I wonder how many men are asking after peoples lives and health and engaging in chit chat all day.

I'm betting none of them are being told they aren't cute and fluffy and warm enough.

Which bit was venomous?

I’m exactly like you.

These painful pleasantries are basically law in a lot of workplaces. If you don’t play the pleasantries game you’re presumed to be an arsehole. It’s really hard to deal with.

Unless the 'many people' are connected.

Posts like this make me sooo glad I don't work in HR.

Kudos to anyone who does, trying to sort situations like this out!

After about 25 years of my career I realised it was desirable to pretend to be interested in work colleagues. But I do suspect that some people form friendship groups just for the pleasure of picking on a colleague who is not part of that group because of one or another kind of "otherness".

I hate that. I just want to get on with my work, I'm not interested in socialising either. I have my own friends and life.
The gall reporting you for not being sociable at work.
I have learnt to bend a bit in the wind as I get older in order to keep the peace but really Im Not interested.

I think in situations like this it might be worth pointing your boss to something like Discovery or Myers Briggs. Discovery is one I have used a few times when I have a team that don't easily gel.

It is a very visual way of looking at personality types within a team and how people like to work to get the best from them. In a team you need a good mix of personalities, and the worst thing you can fall into is hiring everyone who is the same because you are 'a big family' or they 'fit the culture'.

You sound very 'Blue' - analytical, organised, systematic; whilst I'm guessing the other person is 'Yellow' - all about the team, talkative, enthusiastic etc. As personality types these two can clash, and badly because neither of you can read or understand each other, and you both drive each other mad. But simply understanding what your personality is vs their personality can help both of you get the best from each other. It does mean both of you will need to compromise a bit, you don't just stay the same, you have to flex to other personalities a bit, and they have to flex to you.

It is quite obvious that there is a leader of the pack and she has silly fools who follow her. I have been many times in a supervisory role before I gave up work and working with different groups of people in differing settings there is always the situation that you described and higher ranking supervisors are themselves not prepared to tackle the problem head on and side with the pack and the numpty followers for fear of complaint. It appeared in my case that it was always the longer serving members of staff who were to blame and it mattered not the higher graded supervisors, if the one who was causing the issues was any good at their job.

You could either tackle the issue head on with this woman. Request a meeting with your supervisor and this woman combined to get the core of the issue. Or leave and hope that you do not encounter this problem again.

I personally wouldn't ask why someone was off or after their health - I'd be much more neutral - you alright with big smile or haven't seen you for a while you alright or good to have you back or good you are here then launch into work matter. Show of pleased they are back - but not OTT personal or prying.

But then I've worked in male dominated offices where men also do that.

Personally wouldn't appreciate being asked about my medical history - bereavements or why I've been off - as frankly I don't really want to talk about such things with work colleagues and I'm not sure if work colleagues will be the same.

I'd hate more my medical history problems to be the subject of office gossip - even hated it when obviously very pg all the misinformation unasked for advice all the scare stories people are desperate to share - though was polite about it.

They would but OP is saying they aren't ND so it just comes across as rude. Everyone in my office does a general morning to the room but it sounds like OP doesn't even do that