Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

There is no indication the OP is being anything other than civil and polite. For some people that is not enough.

OP, much as I hate armchair internet diagnosis have you ever considered being assessed for neurodiversity. For one thing it would give you some level of protection from discrimination at work.

It doesn’t sound like you are professional and neutral. My job requires having lots of professional contacts, I’ve never met one of them outside of working hours but I can tell you if they’ve just got married, if they have children, where they went on holiday etc.

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with making friends and I’m not friends with any of these people. It’s about making good, professional working relationships with other people which I do so professionally. Similarly they could tell you I’m married, have a dog and like to travel - but they don’t know anything about my relationship with my husband, for example, nor will they ever see my home and I will never meet their children. I don’t “care” for them either, but have basic human decency and know I need to get the best out of them to work well together as a team.

I think what you’ve tried to pitch as professional is actually rude, and you clearly think you’re better than the others in your office - and I have no doubt that is coming across to them too.

To be fair, the OP hasn't said that her nemesis did complain about her. In fact, as such, she hasn't said that anyone made a complaint. Her manager spoke to her about making her colleagues uncomfortable, and that she might be a little more sociable. In the OP's head that seems to be the same thing as complaining. Having been a manager for many decades, I can confirm that managers have eyes in their heads and can see how office relationships are going. Equally, given that we have the ability to talk and to listen (something the OP seems to be remarkably bad at) people may tell us things without that actually being a formal complaint. I cannot see the OP at all here, but I can deduce an awful lot about the way she is in work - well beyond the surface of what she has said - and I would be concerned as a manager if members of a team were uncomfortable because a colleagues can't manage to be civil on a very basic level. The OP seems to be entirely unable to see that it doesn't matter what she thinks, or what anyone here thinks. She works in a place where a modicum of social skills need to be exercised, and ther are very likley to be consequences if that does not happen.

I can't believe so many posters agree that, one colleague out of the entire office has the power to make everyone uncomfortable just by virtue of not going beyond good morning/cheerios.

Every workplace I've ever been in has a character like this but I'm resilient enough and understanding enough of our differences to know it ain't personal and it's just one person.

I'd say they are pretty obsessed with OP

It's just the rules

"Good morning" could have been followed by "nice to see you back, hope you are ok, let me know if you need any help"

Or "good morning , sorry not to chat but I'm very so busy "

It's not supplemental to social life it's more j- an acknowledgement of the humans in the office rather than making people feel like cogs in a machine

Would I be far off in guessing that you are also significantly younger than the cohort of boot lickers? I’m sensing a territory dispute. I’m certain you’re 100% professional, but I’m guessing that’s not why they hate you.

This occurred to me also.

Do you know how to have polite interactions?
You sound rude op. Both in your manners of responding and in your way of describing the way you interact with you coworkers.

Noone is asking you to be besties with your coworkers but polite interactions is pleasant and nice. Not fake.

So if a coworkers returns after sickness ask how they are feeling or express you hope they are feeling better.

By not doing so you don't come across as neutral you come across as rude.

You don't need to stop and have a long chat just a comment and a smile and back to work.

Your comments about your coworkers are not pleasant to read. You insist you are neutral towards her however you have called her a snitch, golden girl. Her friends boot lickers. That doesn't suggest a neutral mindset. I would suggest you look harder at yourself and your behaviour.

OP has had multiple complaints made against her for her attitude.

Attitude?

Just because she's perceived to be anti social? Attitude is quite a subjective thing and could get interesting if her arse of a manager wanted to escalate it.

I'm a bit like OP too. A couple of pleasantries is sufficient then crack on with your work.

If you demand more than that and can't cope with one person in your office who doesn't comply then you perhaps need to work on your own self esteem.

She doesn't get any attention from the men. And frankly I get along better with the men then most women at my work place.

I thought you didnt' want to get on with anyone or have any sort of relationshp with work colleagues?

The mask is slipping OP

Just be pragmatic. You aren't going to change the culture or system here. Most work places in UK culture will expect a bit of social nicety. It can be crucial to build decent relationships and rapport to get stuff done, understanding team dynamics and people's motivations can also help with how we task them and motivate them, and indeed work with them (if someone is a red or blue for example...).

So do what you need to do, or get out and go self-employed. But getting to know people even at a basic level improves team's and individual output.

www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2019/07/surrounded-by-idiots-personality-types-at-work

"And frankly I get along better with the men then most women at my work place."

Oh dear.

I'm a bit like OP too. A couple of pleasantries is sufficient then crack on with your work.

I think that's the point, op isnt doing the couple of pleasantries!

You sound very sensible to me . People get far to involved with each other's lives in work .
He sounds very unprofessional trying to control what you say to people .
You haven't been mean or disruptive.
I take it it's not the sort of job that has a higher management/hr you can speak too?

And frankly I get along better with the men then most women at my work place.

To me this screams, 'I am not like most women'

So you can get on and be pleasant with the men, just not the women

And if she was ND the office would need to suck it up. We are allowed and are infact protected by law.

Personally I would much prefer people said hello to the room and didn't me about my health thank you very much

I'm not jealous, I just find it infuriating that everybody likes her and cares her about her but at least I'm the cool girl who gets on with the men!

Not a good look, OP.

Wow, all these comments! Does keeping to your self make you autistic? If so, I am autistic I guess 😂 this would grind me to op. She sounds a bit unbearable! Complaining that you didn't ask about her is very strange. Why does she care what you think? Yes I agree with people when they say we got to fake it a bit in work and it's true but under to circumstances does that mean you have to change your self to suit people. Me being my petty self I would over load on the sweetness,.they'll realize sooner or later fake is not best!

"You're horribly jealous of her."
"The mask is slipping OP"
"Oh dear."
"To me this screams, 'I am not like most women'"
"at least I'm the cool girl who gets on with the men"

Comments like these just reinforce why the OP doesn't want to get too involved with a group of women at work.

I find this thread enlightening.

Not everyone treats the workplace as a social extension of their lives. Many people, like the OP, are not interested in it. Being civil and professional is one thing, being interested in a colleague's life, another.

She doesn't have to be autistic. She's said clearly that has her friends outside her professional life and is not interested, aside from civility, in creating a social network in the workplace.

I find it unbelievable that in this day and age, so many of you are questioning what's wrong with her instead of questioning the workplace she works for.

OP, I would start looking for a new job, preferable in a bigger company where it's less likely this professional dysfunction is the norm.

She doesn't get any attention from the men. And frankly I get along better with the men then most women at my work place

Well, bully for you. You deserve an award.

You know how to be polite to the men, but not to the women.

Okay.

🤣🤣seriously?? Try reading the rest of the thread!

Stating that one gets along better with men is hardly the same thing as saying look at me, aren't I special. It's a pure statement of fact. Men can be easier and more straightforward to get along with than women, in some regards. I know that's Mumsnet heresy, but it is also sometimes true.