Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

And with them, you are warm, engaged, interested, and unresentful of their popularity, plus you don’t regard asking them how they’re feeling after an illness as ‘feeding their craving for attention’?

I do ask how they are feeling and I am always there for them and engaging because they are people I actually care about. When I don't care about people I don't pretend to care about them.

I don't know how to be fake.

Some kind of polite interaction with work colleagues is part of the job. It's a societal thing, doesn't mean you are friends and doesn't mean you care it's just the done thing. Do you politely pass the time with strangers? For example when you are being served in a shop or pass a neighbour?
Maybe it's cultural? Your wording sounds like English might be a second language?

Bottom line is it sounds like they are right and you are wrong. Whatever you say it's clear you dislike this colleague, we all have to work with people we don't like at times. You smile and say good morning and things run more smoothly.

OP, this is a very revealing comment. I care and love my friends and family, of course. And I care far more about them, than I do about random people on the school run or next door neighbours or colleagues. BUT, I still have the capacity to care in a general sense for those people. When our NDN got cancer, of course i cared . Did I care as much as when my dad got cancer? Of course not. But I did careand asked after him when I saw him/ his wife in the driveway and offered some basic help such as us doing his bins and DH offered to mow his lawn. When a colleague announced she was pregnant, was I rushing out to buy baby clothes? No, of course not, but I was genuinely happy for her and congratulated her accordingly. When a woman I only vaguelly knew from the school run's husband died, was I devasted and upset? No, but I felt sad for her and sent her a short message of condolence.

These are normal reactions. It's not normal to be so completely indifferent to people around you. So either you really do dislike her actively (as comes through on this thread) or you really are completely indifferent to the vast bulk of people around you which is, frankly, quite unusual and a bit sad.

So you wouldn't say "hope you're feeling better" because she's had her quota of people wishing her well already?

That works as a rule on MN where you might have several thousand people on a thread, but doesn't apply in a reasonable sized office.

This is bizarre. You don't have to be best friends with colleagues but part of being professional is not being distant and cold to the point that it is making everyone uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what everyone thinks about Queen Bee, if you come across at work like you do on this threat I am not surprised people have complained.

Being professional isn't just about doing your job properly and not turning up in pyjamas. You don't seem particularly nice and it isn't going to do you any favours.

No one’s asking you to be ‘fake’. Your manager is telling you that your sneery, resentful attitude is creating an unpleasant atmosphere in the workplace.

There is a huge gulf between the way you are being op and becoming BFFs with colleagues. A few pleasantries is part of building work (yes work not personal) relationships.
You don't have to become friends but you do have to be polite. What you are doing is not polite
You think you are being professional but multiple people have said you are making them feel uncomfortable. That isn't professional at all!

Reported. FFS.

The best employees are not the ones who are necessarily good at their job, but the the ones who fit best into the culture of the company. Anyone who is a manager/ceo/boss knows this. Sorry but I suspect your attitude is the problem. You work with people not robots,

The ability to work well with others is a key competency in many jobs. It is something that is tested at interview in my profession. It is up to you how you deal with this but it sounds like you are in the wrong workplace.

Whatever happens at work stays at work.
And yet here you are, on notworknet mumsnet, talking about work.

She wouldny say hope you're feeling better as she doesn't hope they're feeling better. She doesn't think about it one way or another. And she doesn't have to.
I'm with you OP, your colleagues are weird and needy.

It's not been fake, it's been professional and courteous to work colleagues.

You sound delightful lol

Good question.

If there are any blokes in the office (except the boss) are they asking questions about this colleague's health or being told they need to be a bit more warm and friendly?

You are coming across quite rude and miserable. If it’s a smaller company then it can create quite an unpleasantness atmosphere for others when someone is sat in the office like that under a black cloud.
You may not particularly care able your colleagues but a little politeness and general friendliness may go a long way towards the overall wellbeing of the team you are
part of. You are there all day … why would you want to carry on so distant for 8 hours plus a day? No one says you have to be best friends. You may find you are actually happier in your job having some normal human interaction.
A general welcome back or glad you are feeling better to someone that you know has been off unwell for a week is just normal manners surely?!?
If not, I can’t see you lasting too much longer!

Our office have men and women but the women outnumber the men.

But the golden colleague's group of bootlickers are all women.

She doesn't get any attention from the men. And frankly I get along better with the men then most women at my work place.

OP, it's not just her that has complained about you. Your boss has told you that. You have to get over her and the fact people like her. I imagine she has friends at work because she isn't so weirdly cold to them it's making multiple people uncomfortable. You keep saying you don't care about her but you can't stop talking about her in an amazingly horrible way. I cannot even fathom what it must be like to have to share an office with you all day.

Sounds like you are determined not to like this colleague as you are trying to make a point. I think you need to get over it, you are coming across as jealous.
But at least the men don’t like her aye lol

She wouldny say hope you're feeling better as she doesn't hope they're feeling better. She doesn't think about it one way or another. And she doesn't have to.

You're right, she doesn't have to.

But if she chooses to continue the way she is, she could easily find herself without a job. She's only been there ten months - they don't need a reason to get rid of her.

If you choose to be cold and unfriendly and make no effort, that will have consequences. Work is not just about productivity and skill, it's also about being personable and making an effort with your colleagues, even if you don't give a shit deep down.

What a nasty post.

See OP I'm just like you and especially at my stage in life, want to go in, work hard with a few nice pleasantries here and there and go home. I'd love to work with more people like us.

I do not go to work to supplement my social life - and I don't understand why inclusivity doesn't extend to people like us. I think your boss is skating towards some think ice with his comments.

Unfortunately if you don't fit the mould I'd be worried that their taking offence at your personality type upsetting the fam a lam, would mean people will make life difficult for you in the office. If you've a thicker skin than me this may not bother you.

But I'd document and date that conversation and keep it in a safe place in case you ever need evidence.

You don't need to be best friends with people at work.

But you need to be civil and polite to them

Jesus. I'd agree that complaining to a manager that you're upset that a colleague hasn't personally enquired on your health after coming back from sick leave is HIGHLY needy and high maintenance.

Fine by me.
Crazy bunch.
😡