Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

I don't talk to my friends or family about my work. Whatever happens at work stays at work.

I like my job but when I am outside of work hours, I don't think about my job.

They all sound like the kind of Twats who have Prosecco Fridays or similar, just smile and wave OP

Do you need to interact with your colleagues to do your job? Do they give you work to do or maybe you give them work to do? Do you have to discuss projects and team up to sort stuff out? If so, a neutral, uninvolved person can be quite hard to work with. Maybe not very approachable? Perhaps that’s what they’re feeling uncomfortable about.

It sounds to me that the lack of welcome back after illness wasn't the issue in itself, but was given as an example of your continued lack of social interaction in an office where it is the norm, which is having a negative effect on your colleagues and the overall morale of the workplace. Even if you just smile and nod along a bit when others are chatting it keeps things ticking over, but someone refusing to ever interact beyond good morning (ND or similar excepted) is clearly not a good fit for this company, even if the "we're a family" thing is OTT and cringey.

You seem to think that getting your head down, getting on with work and not spending 5 minutes making conversation is making you better at your job than everyone else around you, but it could backfire. Even if you don’t care about your coworkers feelings, I’m assuming you like your job
Presenting as standoffish and a bit cold could be affecting your career, even if you are warm and friendly outside work all your boss sees is that you can’t adjust your approach when necessary. They won’t want to put you forward for any collaborative projects either in-house or with outside agencies because you won’t engage in chit chat that smooths the wheels in new groups.
Promotion would seem unlikely as bosses need some “people skills” as well as being good at their job.
If immediate colleagues have a choice in team tasks then they aren’t going to want to be in your team ( nothing to do with being golden or not it’s just a long time to be at work working alongside someone who shows their obvious distain for you).
So purely from a selfish point of view making polite conversation will benefit you.

You have the right approach op. Read another list on here where a poster is devastated that her work “friends” of 20 odd years wedding attended etc have thrown her under the bus and are giving evidence against her to a tribunal.

I think you just don't sound a good fit for them /they don't sound a good fit for you.

Maybe time to move on to a colder and more corporate environment?

Maybe self employment would work best for you. Although even then, making connections is often a key way to drum up business

There's a happy medium somewhere between op and that though. Where it is will vary from person to person and team to team

I think you sound odd (and jealous of the "golden girl"). You've made me feel quite glad that I have friendly collagues.

Not jealous. Just don't want to be one of her bootlickers.

In what way would saying a quick ‘Glad you’re feeling better’ or ‘Nice to see you back’ be ‘bootlicking’?

OP Hyperbole is no defence

My husband and both (adult) kids are autistic, we suspect my mum is and my kids say I am (I disagree). OP's way of speaking and social interaction sounds like classic neurodiverse behaviour to me.

But that is sort of beside the point. The culture at OP's firm sounds very discriminatory towards those who are ND. Many of us go to work to get the job done. We are pleasant and polite but our colleagues are not our friends.

If you're happy to continue with career-limiting behaviour, then don't change a thing OP.

If not, I'd make some concessions. It's clear that the company culture is for employees to show some emotional intelligence with a level of social chit-chat. Even if you're faking it, if you want to stay there and thrive, then I'd play along. A cheery hello, say something nice if someone's been off sick, ask about their weekend, that kind of thing.

But if that's not for you, I'd find another job where maybe you can work in isolation. And until then, stop letting golden girl live rent-free in your head!

She has a large group of other colleagues that gives her all the attention she craves.

It went into my annual review every year that I was anti-social and I needed to go to more social events with the team. I don't think so 🤣🤣🤣

Delusional

Your attitude really does come across as though you're watching this woman from the sidelines, with silent cold, spiteful jealousy.

I think I'd be a bit creeped out if I worked in that office.

But anyway, 'you do you' as the saying goes. You're obviously pleased with the way you conduct yourself.

I really fail to see how saying ‘Welcome back’ in the corridor could in any way constitute ‘feeding someone’s craving for attention’.

Do you actually have friends, OP? You sound resentful, envious and very socially ill-adept.

If everyone is telling you the same thing, it's probably something worth thinking about.

You don't have to be friends with your co-workers but if you're going to work with other people, you do need to treat them with basic kindness and decency.

I think if you go to work and choose to be difficult and stand-offish then you can't be surprised when people pull you up for having a bad attitude.

Being successful at work isn't just about getting the job done, it's about gelling with your co-workers and being part of a team, even if you don't really mean it.

I do have friends outside of work.

I don't talk to my friends or family about my work. Whatever happens at work stays at work.
I like my job but when I am outside of work hours, I don't think about my job.

That smacks of apple TV Severance level of departmentalism.

I wouldn't mention anything sensitive at home but might mention a funny annotate or information I've learnt from a colleague - day out sale random life information at home and who told me. DH likes to bounce ideas off me for his course - more so he talks it through. We spend fair bit of time at work - mention stuff that happens there feels more normal than not ever.

Tend to mention family less at work - though wouldn't never mention them and DH probably mentions kids more than I do but not very frequently and only when they natural come up.

It sounds like an odd complaint in first place - and your reaction is getting more and more odd - are you happy here - would a sideways move if possible to new manager be better - would you be happier in a larger more formal workplace?

If you do want to stay you can completely ignore the comments and hope it blow over or you can try some more meaningless pleasantries in hope that enough to settle colleagues.

I think so. The rigid thinking is a dead give away 😅 ( I'm autistic )

It’s a red flag to me when workplaces refer to themselves as families. I hate the culture of socialising with colleagues and have seen deeply inappropriate behaviour on work nights out. When I go for an interview I always explain that I like to keep my work separate. Maybe in future set this out from the beginning?

What I find interessting is that quite a few people have told you that while they don't necessarily think you need to be partying with these people, a bit of polite chitchat and warmth can really grease the wheels but you really aren't interested in that at all.

So you have to accept that you're going to remain unpopular, your boss probably is going to see this as a mark agaainst you and an area of development and youll continue to find that outrageous.

Incidentally, if there's any need to work together, be collaborative, help each other during busy/crisis times.... be prepared to have this formally referenced as an issue and/or for you to not be able to access any support. But you do you .