Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

And several have pointed out that your notion of etiquette is not universal and is no more correct than anyone else's, but here we still are, with endless posts all wittering the exact same bloody thing.
We understand many of you think we have to be chatty and interested in our coworkers, it remains untrue no matter how often it's repeated.

Well done on picking several posts that in no way back yomyoir pount.

Wanting to be friends with people who don't want to be your friend, and pushing this is the definition of needy.

It's not the observation of the behaviour that's unpleasant, it's the behaviour itself. Stop demanding people be your friend, it's incredibly unprofessional and weird.

I think the 'I don't care' comment was to explain how she felt to us. I don't think she said that to anyone at work.

You do not have to be chatty. You do have to treat people politely.
The obvious disdain, continually expressed by the OP for the women she works with, will be apparent.

wow that is an awful attitude to have.

Even if you don't care you always ask to be kind.

I might tell him that you don't have time for another family at work, as your own family is who you look after.

You could say there's too much emotion around the office, and too much talking whereas you just want to get on with your work.

Is there a union there?

Wanting to be friends with people who don't want to be your friend, and pushing this is the definition of needy.
It's not the observation of the behaviour that's unpleasant, it's the behaviour itself. Stop demanding people be your friend, it's incredibly unprofessional and weird.

I never suggested that wanting to be friends with someone who doesn't want to make friends is a good idea. I also never demand that people be my friend.

You are reading something into this that isn't there. You sound very prickly. It doesn't cost anything to be pleasant to the people you work with.

OP All I can say is you are well within your rights not to want to socialise with the people you work with. However, perhaps you can see your work colleagues as neighbours: it's nice to smile, say hello, how are you, discuss the weather or something neutral even if you're not going to become best buddies with them. A neighbour who is aloof and cold is going to make those around them feel uncomfortable. They will say: What's wrong with her? Why is she stand-offish? All you need is a little bit of courtesy and a few pleansantries. It would be good to find a way to get on with people who are outside your family and close friendship group. It will help you generally in your career.

C*andy
*
There is a difference between being aloof with minimal interactions and having a face like a cats bum all day long with everyone but saying hi, goodnight, talking and interacting when working together,
and going out of one's way to be mean. Say horrible things. Deliberately give people dirty looks. I think OP sounds like she's in the first camp.

I'm an introvert and maybe she is extreme even by my threshold but I'm an adult and have enough confidence in myself and connections (plus, you know, I have actual work to do) with everyone else to know it ain't personal. Basically I'm not 10 years old and pissed that one girl in the class doesn't want to talk to me.

Some have argued that the comments OP has made about her colleagues further illustrates her Behaviour Which Needs Correcting. Again, some of those things don't sound nice but maybe OP is quite rightly hacked off that people feel they have grounds to complain? She's hit her limit at having this family shite forced on her? Also she can be thinking all kind of psychotic stuff in her head but it doesn't matter a jot because it's just that, thoughts!

I agree many would find this kind of person difficult to work with but with respect, if you can't cope to the point of complaining you need to grow up.

If you demand others comply and join the family or be hauled up for your "behaviour" that sound like a bullying toxic environment. You are no better than this person you feel so aggrieved with.

anissa834
I don't have any entrenched dislike of her. I just don't care about her. That's all.

wow that is an awful attitude to have.

//

I've read this as complete indifference?

Few months ago a colleague called me in panic. She was working from home that day and was going on a work trip very early the next day and she had forgotten on essential item she needed on that trip. As I live not too far from her, I kindly retrieved said item from the office, took it home and she came by my home to take it for her trip. Had we not chatted informally, she would not know I live nearby her, and she would not have thought to ask me. Had she behaved very cold, I'm not sure I would have been motivated to help her. As a consequence she may have needed to cancel her work trip with consequences to the reputation of our organisation. And that's the reason the manager wants you to be more friendly, he wants people to like each other enough that they would help each other if needed.

Thats all shite though, isn't it. She could get been chatty but you didn't live near her, or didn't have it, it couldn't be bothered. It she could be quiet and still have been able to aak you for assistance as it's work related. Saying you have to pretend interest.in your co workers and make friendly chit chat for years on the off chance you might need to borrow something from a coworker is just bizarre.

But you don't, and it's not kind.

Making up your own definition of words is incredibly humpty dumpty-ish

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/introverted

" so there is a friendly atmosphere in the office"
These people are not OP's friends
They wouldn't be mine either
Therefore there's no need for a "friendly" atmosphere - aka "hostile if you don't join in" - when in a work environment a professional atmosphere is what is best for all, except those who think work is just another social gabfest

Thats all shite though, isn't it.
A bit aggressive ?

She could get been chatty but you didn't live near her
Of course she could. But that is a real-life example in which getting to know one another beyond work helped the situation:

It she could be quiet and still have been able to aak you for assistance as it's work related.
We don't work in the same projects or have the same manager. I'm under no professional obligation to help her on it. It was a favour I did to her, as she could very well do the 2-hour trip from her home to the office just to retrieve the item. I do favours to people I feel would do the same for me if needed.

Saying you have to pretend interest.in your co workers and make friendly chit chat for years on the off chance you might need to borrow something from a coworker is just bizarre.
Of course you don't have to. Just that if you ever need help, people will be more likely to do you favours or go the extra mile to help you if they like you. You may not agree with it but that's the way it is.

Another foul and unpleasant post

"you want to at least have some kind of human connection going on"
YOU do
You are also quite incapable of accepting that people are different, and you think it's fine to punish them for being different
That's bullying

They're not capable of understanding that not everyone needs what they need 🤷‍♀️.

We need to normalise not giving any shits, try to teach them!

Fairly improbable that OP will ever like bullying colleagues who make trumped up complaints about her

"While they don't state you shouldn't make friends, it is implied"
No
It's inferred, by you
You are reading people saying "I don't want to ..." and interpreting it as "No one should ..."

Interesting that helping our colleagues seems for some to be conditional.

If a colleague was in a bind and reached out to me for help and I could assist I would. End of. Wouldn't matter if we had barely spoken before. Agree that had we not small talked before the "in" would be more difficult. But not impossible.