Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

The problem is that no one wants to admit racism could be the reason. It is not whataboutery to claim that black females are discriminated against in UK culture. Try a google and see what you find out.

I can't find another plausible reason why any decent manager would pull up an employee for not asking if a colleague was well after sick leave.

It is a non problem which her colleagues are trying to make a problem.

@anissa834 - having read all your posts, I would just say this - it seems clear that your current approach is causing friction in your workplace, so you have a choice.

If you are happy to live with the friction you are causing, then you don’t have to change what you are doing.

But if you would prefer to have a better atmosphere at work, then I would say this - you don’t have to be a ‘bootlicker’ or suck up to the ‘golden’ co-worker - that is the polar opposite to what you are doing now, and there is a huge amount of more sensible middle ground, where hopefully you can find an approach which reduces the workplace friction without making you feel you are pretending or being false.

I would suggest that a bit of small talk, and a bit of interest from you in the lives of your co-workers would act as the oil to smooth out the relationships between you and the other women you work with.

If you like this job, why not try to ease things somewhat - if only for your own sake - surely less friction (and no more complaints) would make your work life a bit more pleasant.

This isn't just an over-zealous manager pulling her up about a one-off - OP has had several comments made towards her about how she behaves at work. It's an ongoing pattern of behaviour that people seem to be ignoring.

I don't think it's fair to say it's racism when OP herself admits that she is uninterested in getting to know her colleagues on any kind of social level. Yes, it could racism but there's no evidence of that here imo.

Do you believe there is no racism against black women in British society?

It is a non problem which her colleagues are trying to make a problem. The point is to get her to tuck tail, and defer. Look up workplace mobbing.

I never said that.

The people you work with don't have to be your best friends but it is unusual not to say anything pleasant to your colleagues. I am not surprised your colleagues have suggested you are unsympathetic. They probably find your aloofness quite strange. Having a friendly exchange like 'Have a nice weekend' 'How was your holiday?' 'Hope you're feeling better', cracking the odd joke is just a way of connecting with your work colleagues so there is a friendly atmosphere in the office. It's pretty normal behaviour for most groups of people. It's not bootlicking. Given the fact you have a good group of friends outside work I'm surprised you are even asking this. It sounds like a question someone who struggles to connect with people or make friends would ask, which isn't your situation. I think you should get off your high horse and just connect a bit. You might actually get some rewarding connections back. If you are pleasant to work with this will also help you in your career, especially in something collaborative like graphic design.

I totally agree!

I didn't say you did. It is a question

I think OP has every reason to feel aggrieved the way she was treated. Would you like to be pulled up for your boss for not asking about a colleague's health?

And OP indicated she was perfectly pleasant about work matters. She just is not interested in chatting about non work matters. So what?

Well, of course I believe racism exists.

However, this isn't a thread about someone from a different culture who is struggling to understand the language, or who is making loads of effort and being ignored or swept aside - it's about someone who openly admits to being indifferent to her colleagues and who doesn't care to make any kind of human connection beyond saying "good morning".

I think if you choose to shut yourself off from everyone and behave coldly towards them, you can't then be upset when that behaviour has consequences.

Again, you keep focusing on one incident when this is just one of many complaints about OP's demeanour and behaviour. Why?

Because legally that one incident might be enough to take the firm to tribunal. If there is a pattern of complaints about non issues, OP could be due a settlement. Seriously.

Being pleasant and friendly oils the wheels and generally makes for a pleasant working atmosphere. I wouldn't get pulled up by my boss because I'd ask after a colleague's health. Just saying hello, how are you is hardly making a massive effort.

She is good at her job and interacts about work matters. Saying good morning and then doing your job is what you are paid to do. Not chit chat, not socialise, not gossip.

And if consequences include complaints about non-issues like not chatting enough, and if the OP is from a different culture than her work mates, that firm could be in legal hot water.

if you wouldn't get pulled up, then it isn't a problem for you. Good. The OP says good morning, does her job well, and interacts about work matters. That's enough.

In the real world, it's not a "non issue" to be cold and indifferent towards the people you work with. MN is a huge anomaly in that respect.

Generally speaking, nobody wants to work with someone who is openly cold and disinterested towards them because it causes an unpleasant atmosphere and makes it difficult to get along as a team.

This is a very black and white way of viewing the workplace, and not how things work in reality.

Very few people want to work with someone who is openly cold and indifferent towards them. When you have to spend 40+ hours a week with someone, you want to at least have some kind of human connection going on. I know I'll be told that you don't need to socialise at work, but in reality, you do need at least pretend like you give a shit.

Exactly.

If the consequences include reprimands for not being chatty enough etc, and yet her work performance is good, and she's from a different culture, the consequences won't be for her. It will be for the firm for whom she works. If she were in a union, this would be enough for a rep to get involved and talk to the manager.

Again, it's not just about "not being chatty enough". It's about being cold and indifferent and uncaring. There's a big difference.

I've worked with lots of introverted, quiet people who keep themselves to themselves - but, without fail, every single one of them made an effort to at least engage in some superficial chit-chat with their colleagues. Because that's what you do when you work in a team environment.

As I said (and as other people have said), MN is a massive anomaly when it comes to this kind of thing. In reality, people suck it up and make small talk.

It is absolutely the way things work in reality. Do you work in employment law? Do you understand the seriousness if someone is being singled out for not being chatty enough and they are of a different race?

Do you enjoy pretending you give a s* when you don't?

Again, an employment tribunal would see this differently.