Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

We have very different roles, which shape our very different opinions on this

Common courtesy like ... not nosing into other peoples' lives?

Have you worked with teams of men at all *toucheee because ime men are almost more hot on talking and team building and
golf days and “clubbable” activities than women are?

It’s depressing because men usually have more time to do this sort of thing because women are taking on more childcare and housework than they are; not because women feel they have to look after everyone in the office! We do enough of that already thanks!

What an earth role do you have where you can’t take the time to ask someone how they are?
Do you not have any kind of wellbeing guidelines at your company?!?

Nobody said that "going on holiday " means that they think that you are only going to one place.

If someone says "are you going on holiday to anywhere nice" this year.

It doesn't mean that they think that you are going to only one place.

Lots of people have multiple holidays / short breaks in a year.

Speaking of courtesy - you haven't yet answered my question posted at 16:14. Here it is again:

BuildbyNumbere · Today 15:29
Now we get to the truth! Drip feed much.

"The truth"?
A "drip feed" that she's of Nigerian descent?
Care to explain what exactly you mean?

So according to you, the only black woman in the office is being racist or 'off', but the white colleagues who complained en masse about their only black colleague failing to ask a co-worker about her health on her return to work are not racist?

OP is just interested in getting on with her work.

lol … how are you? I’m fine thanks, how’s things with you. Yes all good thank you.

Did have a nice weekend? Lovely thanks.

Wellcome back to work, are you feeling better? Yes much better thanks.

Bloody hell … so nosy, yeah I’ll be committing identity theft before you know it!!

No company would have guidelines about social interaction other than it's polite and respectful
I consider asking personal questions, the answers to which are not important, nor life-enhancing, and certainly not work related NOT fall into that category

I do work with men and I have taken park in lots of team activities with men, and often been the sole women.

But what OP is describing is completely different, it's the use of a woman's emotional capital to keep the wheels of the office running.

I have never seen a man tell another man to be more friendly. And I rather doubt you have as well.

Exactly. That is almost the definition of bullying.

Didn’t see it. Calm down.
she says it herself … drawn to those of her decent only.

And you know you're wrong if you change your horses midstream

Care to explain what you mean by "Now we get to the truth"
What truth?
You're saying she is only interested in interacting with people from her background?
Am I correct?

No wonder there are people struggling and lacking support.

What you see as needy for attention others just see as warmth.
Why didn’t you say, “good to have you back.”?

@snowmichael so are you going anywhere nice on holidays next year?

Wow that sounds odd not knowing anything at all about your colleagues.
When you book two weeks annual leave in the summer don’t your colleagues say ‘up to anything nice? You then reply off to Spain with DH and kids.
Or do you just go off and never mention anything?

This is ridiculous. For a start the only time I was told "we are family, we love each other, be kind" was from a boss that had no hesitation in using my skills and then shafting me.

I would push back on this mixing thing. You work well and you are civil. They don't know what's going on in your life or your personality. As I've found out no matter how much you mix or think colleagues are your friends when you are no longer useful you never hear from them.

@snowmichael is definitely extreme!

I'm on a team of 12. I know which ones are married. As they will talk about their husbands/wives

Sounds OTT from both sides to me.
You could be a bit friendlier, they don't have to be your best mates but being friendly with work colleagues makes the time at work so much better.
I don't get the 'I'm just here to do my job and go home' brigade. I've never worked anywhere where people have behaved like that and I've worked in a wide range of places (and I used to temp in my 20s and even though I wasn't permanent I was still friendly and chatty to colleagues).
On the other hand, if you're not breaking any rules or contracts then they haven't got much to stand on, but work is more than being an automaton.
It sounds like you're not a great fit with the company if they're more touchy feely.

Posting that OP saying that she is of Nigerian descent is a 'drip feed', as though this is something that OP should have declared in the OP, sounds a bit 'off' to me.

No, I'm going to lots of horrible places that I won't enjoy

This office/work environment clearly not a good fit for you. Clearly that work place values open communication, collegial style and strong teams.
You value independence, individual contribution.
Find a job where you feel more happy,

The thing I have found is that it pays to do some of this social interaction and sympathy stuff. Try to make notes about what you have asked about and what you have told them; because what you have told them does not have to be very clear, let alone actually true, but should be consistent.