Coworkers complained to our supervisor because I am indifferent. Why are people so needy.

[anissa834]

I recently got a job at a new location as a graphic designer.

I've been working there for 10 months so far. I really like this job even tho it's demanding.

But I got problems with my coworkers. When it comes to other coworkers, I mostly talk to them about the work at hand. I work with them when I have to but other then that I don't have any real relationships with them.

My interactions with coworkers are strictly formal and neutral.

I just come in, get my jobs done and go home. Plus I already have plenty of friends outside of work.

Sometimes, some of them would complain that I am anti social and cold but I up until now, it never escalated.

Before the complaint, here are some context.

There is that one lady coworker who is the golden coworker.

You see how many parents have several children but they have that one golden child ? The child that get the most attention, love, gifts and overall gets spoiled and sometimes get away from being punished ?

Well that coworker is the equivalent of a golden child. She is the golden colleague. She is also known to be the boss's good girl. She is extremely loyal to him and doesn't mind snitching.

She is one of those people at work that almost everyone loves and wants to get to know.

I personally don't care about her but I am not jealous or anything but some of my other coworkers also complained that I am indifferent towards the golden colleague even tho I've told them multiple times that I am here to be productive and get stuff done and I have nothing against the golden colleague.

Well the complaint came in because apparently the golden colleague have been out of work for a week last week for some kind of medical problems. I don't really know the details, I don't care.

She came back today. I said good morning to everybody and began doing what I had to do in the job.

Well my boss called me in this morning and he informed me that my indifference and coldness is making people around me uncomfortable. He did say that I am not breaking any company policies and he is satisfied with my performance but perhaps I need to be a bit more warm and friendlier. Even said "we are a family here" . I told him that I've been respectful and professional towards my colleagues but he talked to me about the golden colleague and how she is been out for a week and when she came in, I didn't even ask how is she doing and how her health is improving and how I am always indifferent towards her and that she is a bubbly friendly person and I don't understand why I am so cold towards her.

He let me go eventually because this conversation wasn't going anywhere. We kept going back and forth and we both got annoyed at each other but he told me at the end "think about this conversation okay ?"

Why are people so needy ?

'She doesn't get any attention from the men. And frankly I get along better with the men then most women at my work place.'

How old are you? You sound like a truculent teen who's thrilled that she's more popular with the boys that the other girls. Because having men like you is the real prize!

It's not my 'opinion'
Read the link
It's established, measured, scientific fact that there is not one jot of science behind MB
And I'm speaking as someone who until I discovered just how unscientific it was used to trust it

Of course it's about being fake! You're all telling OP that she has to say things she does not mean and ask questions she's not interested in the answers to, to make other people feel more comfortable.

It's fake, it's stupid, and it's needy.

I wasn't replying to OP was I?

I was replying to the poster who said that she wants to be a loner at work.

Different? ... Or are we the silent majority?

I have this chit chat with some colleagues and not with others.

It's ok not to chit chat with everyone.

This honestly sounds like more chores for women - to take interest in everyone else.

Do you really think OP's boss would take in a male employee and ask him why he isn't being friendly to his 'bubbly colleague'? Be honest.

How on earth is asking about what holidays someone is going on

"Creepy"

am currently off work following a miscarriage. I am absolutely dreading people enquiring about my health, or why I've been off, when I return. If I worked with you I would breathe a sigh of relief knowing I could return to work in peace.

> There’s a fine line between being ‘needy’ and being coldly indifferent
There's not a 'fine line' at all between those two
It's a bloody great chasm
They are at opposite ends of the work/social scale

Being completely neutral and only talking about the job at hand does come across as rude in many UK workplaces though. It breaks the expected social contract and that can make people, consciously or unconsciously, feel uncomfortable.

Do you really think OP's boss would take in a male employee and ask him why he isn't being friendly to his 'bubbly colleague'? Be honest.

BINGO!

I wouldn't want colleagues asking about my health when I've been off sick.

But that's only because I'm usually lying about being sick! And I don't want to have to keep up the lie when I go back to work.

For example, last week I took a sick day to attend an interview

Then again, maybe she's just communicating that she finds the men more straightforward.

The sort of rude co-workers who make a complaint because someone doesn't pry into their personal lives, but just efficiently gets on with their work?

They do pull male staff up on stuff like that aswell though.

Not always.

OP does say hello.

She says she talks about work during work.

I really don't get what's weird about that. OP is doing plenty and unless she tells us otherwise I'm assuming her work is great? That's the kind of person I like to work with because I'm just as busy doing my actual work. If I want a natter on occasion I'll seek it out. I won't moan about Linda in the corner because she's too quiet, not like me and complain she's creating an atmosphere. That's actually pretty nasty.

If you are busy getting on with your work and have lots of other people who like chatting, to chat with, it's all good surely?

Not everyone goes to work to extend their social life.

On one hand it's your personality but on the other you could make more effort and show interest in your colleagues as you work with them all day. Your colleague seems over the top to make a complaint but I imagine if you're not engaging and difficult to be around then you create an awkward atmosphere in the office.

You're exactly the sort of person who is responsible for the UK's abysmal record on productivity
Work is not a social gathering

@snowmichael that was one example.

As OP has referred to the other woman jealously as "the golden girl"

I imagine that the OP may have been rude to this woman many times.

That other woman is not likely to complain about once off rudeness. This was probably one thing in a long line of things.

Yes, I do. Because I've seen it happened in two separate workplaces - and in both instances, the managers were also male.

I personally can't stand small talk with people I have nothing in common with, but I still make the effort, even if all we talk about is parking, or the weather, or what we're having for lunch.

If you choose to separate yourself from all your colleagues and not get involved, that's fine, but it will have an impact on how people view you, which in turn will have an impact on your work prospects and whether you keep your job.

I've never seen a bloke pulled up by his boss because he didn't ask after someone who had been out on sick leave. That's such a petty thing to make a complaint about.

To some people, sure. To others, demanding chit chat and fake concern is equally if not more rude.

Some people will get upset if you don't ask if they're feeling better after being off. Some will get upset if you do.
Some will be pissed off if you don't ask about their families, some will find it rude if you ask personally questions.

Can't you understand that your way is not the only way and the main thing for everyone to do is just stop getting annoyed at literally everything and just wlt people be who they bloody are?

Let the chatteres chatter and let the quiet work only types get on with it, and for the love of fuck just quit whining about what everyone else is doing.

There, problem solved, you're welcome.

Interesting you consider 15 minutes a day on pleasantries a waste of time. For me that would be one of the best things about the day and a reason to keep getting up in the morning.

Everyone has to oil the wheels of professional relationships to a certain extent op. You are not special. It’s about trust ultimately.

Social interaction and soft skills in the work place are important so that people feel safe communicating with you in stressful situations or when there is a problem.

There’s a balance to be struck. You don’t have to be fake and over the top, or reveal personal information you don’t want to, but you can talk about something neutral once in a while and demonstrate that you value and respect others. Your attitude otherwise comes across as rather superior and disdainful.

Anyway, whatever you think about it, your boss is giving you a head’s up and you would be wise to take on board their advice. People want to be around others who know they will have their back when the shit hits the fan as it always does in most professional settings occasionally, and you are not trusted atm.