Employer insisting DH returning to the office and childcare

[Hedgepond]

My DH has worked 4 days a week at home and 1 day in the office since the return to work after the pandemic. During that time we’ve had a second child and arranged our childcare around our working hours.

I work in a healthcare job, leaving the house at 7.20 and not back until 8.30/9pm on Mondays and Tuesdays. On those days he drops the children in their before school clubs and nursery and collects them after. One child is at a nursery a 15 minute bike ride from the house and one is a 7 minute walk. So he gets the furthest child at 5.40 in order to get back for 6pm for the other one. From January our little one is going to be in a preschool next to the eldest child and will finish at 5.15 so pick up will be even earlier.

We live an hour away from his office. Currently he works from 8.30- ~5.30 non stop in his home office and the logs in again in the evenings after he’s done bedtime.

On Wednesdays he goes into the office while I work at home and then on a Thursday and Friday I work occasional extra shifts to top up my income but to be flexible in the school holidays, so again he does the childcare on those days. I can do that work within school hours but DH is a back up in case I get caught up in an emergency. He will then collect the eldest
and he watches TV until I’m back… I can extent the nursery last minute for the youngest. I come back from work and take them straight to their swimming etc after school clubs.

He has alternate Fridays off and works at home the other Friday.

If DH has to go into the office on a Monday and Tuesday he will be able to arrive at 8.45 at the earliest (he could do an earlier drop off for the children) and he’d have to leave at 4.30 at the latest to get back but this will be impossible from January onwards when the pick up is 5.15. On a Thursday and Friday I would have to give up my extra work to guarantee I’d be back in time for the pick ups as I can’t risk not having any back-up in case I can’t leave work.

He won’t be able to do the hours he does now if he goes back into the office due to the commute so he’ll have to log in most evenings to finish things (he already does quite a bit anyway). I don’t see how this works well for anyone. I’m worried I’ll have to give up my job to do the childcare as we have no one else who can do the pick ups for us. I can’t change my working hours or days.

Does he have any leg to stand on for continuing WFH or should he start looking for another job? He’s the main earner so if he can’t find another job I’ll have to give up mine.

He has no leg to stand on, and you've been very lucky to have that arrangement for several years.

Agree with pp

So do I. What about giving up his alternate Fridays off and working shorter hours the other nine days? But you've had a jolly good run.

No.

Was wfh ever confirmed by the employer as permanent long term? If it was a temporary thing, then, not a leg to stand on. He needs to discuss and negotiate some kind of compromise. He can make a formal flexible working request to put a case as to why and how he can work from home to the same standard as for the office but they don’t have to agree - they only have to consider it.

you both need to apply for flexible working to fit in with your child care

but these requests can be refused due to needs of the business

That really sucks - I’m sorry op. That would really impact us too.

I presume his contract states that he works in the office rather than his being a remote worker?

When you say his employer, are you referring to his company as a whole rather than just his specific Manager?

Yes this.

If he needs to formalise leaving early for pickup and working again at home in the evenings, he could submit a flexible working request. Some employers would be happy to support that informally though.

It's a change for you guys but it's doable, and used to be the norm. You'll adjust.

It's not necessarily true that he has no leg to stand on. It depends what his contract says. It depends on how long he's had this working pattern.
Has he spoken to his employer? He needs to discuss Flexi time/compressed hours or working every Friday so he can work the same hours but in a way which suits your lifestyle better.

Thursdays and Fridays - how do other parents at your work manage this - surely you shouldn't have to not work at all because you have to leave on time? Can you speak to your manager about this? Parents everywhere have to leave on time - its not convenient but if you’ve done your hours you should be allowed to go on time to collect children (I’ve had to fight for this myself so I know its not always easy).

Monday & Tuesday - can you explore whether a nursery worker or babysitter can do pickups?

Have they said that it's a definite or something that is open to discussion.

If it's a definite then he could put in a flexible working request to adapt his hours or work from home more often.

Does he enjoy his job? It sounds as though he puts a lot of hours in. If he doesn't enjoy it maybe it's a catalyst to look for a new role. Or if he does then maybe he also needs a discussion about work load.

You might not be able to negotiate 4 days from home but might be able to make an arrangement where he only has to go in 2 or 3 days to ease things slightly.

Hope it works out

That’s a shame, is his boss not understanding at all? Could there be any compromise? How old are the children and how likely is this set up supposed to go on for?

It’s sad when an employer is so shortsighted. Mine is very understanding and flexible in its approach. We have a severe lack of women in our industry and flexible working has made things so much better. I have a friend who works for a less flexible company (in the same industry) and they are really struggling to hire people. If your husband’s company aren’t willing to compromise then I would look for somewhere that does, so many people are voting with their feet now.

Has he been told he needs to go in every day ? This has happened at my friend's office, but she says people can put a case in for not going in every day.
Or rather than having every other Friday off, can he change his hours for pick ups and drop offs?

Or can you pay for a childminder to do before/after school etc?
if his contract states office working then I think you’ve been fortunate for the last few years.

Has he spoken to his employer and explained the situation? That is the first step. The next is to put in a formal working request, possibly reducing his hours so that he can leave work a bit earlier.
Then you start looking for childcare. We had all sorts of arrangements over the years, When the DC were both at nursery, a lady collected them at 5pm, took them home, gave them tea, played with them and had them bathed and in their PJs for when I got home at 6.30/6.40. We paid her until 7pm in case there were issues on the commute. Once DC1 went to pre-school, we moved onto a childminder who collected DC1 from school and then, at 5om when one of her daytime children got picked up, collected DC2 from nursery. She had them until 6.30pm which was later than she usually worked but the deal was that they just had some TV time for the last 45 mins or so as they probably would have at home so that worked. This carried on once DC2 went to school and when the childminder stopped working on one of the days we needed, they went to after school club and a local teen who we used for babysitting picked them up and brought them home. For the last few years we had an after school nanny as they began to need so much driving around to their various clubs that nothing else would work.
It's always been a house of cards but we have always managed to cover the gap

Apply for a flexible working arrangement. If he is the main carer/ pick up parent on these days. Then he has every right to apply for flexible working. How many days can he guarantee to commit to in the office? I would request this as WFH, as opposed to necessarily also the possibly extra shifts.

Also, what's with the bike ride? Surely a car would be quicker? If that makes a material difference you'll need to consider that.

He does have a leg to stand on.

I am not sayings it’s a secure leg. But he does. The pandemic has been declared as over for years. He can argue that he has been working like this since the pandemic was over and it’s been that long that it’s now established and changing it could be a change in contract.

Whilst it may not be in his original contract, if you work in a particular way for a long sustained period you can argue it’s essentially a change of contract to revert back. However, he may need to pursue to tribunal level for a decision on that.

There’s also a flexible working request route and the company has to give a valid business reason to deny it. That’s a bit of a grey area. But they need to be able to back it up if challenged.

So yes, he has a leg to stand on. But no one can tell how stable to he leg is.

That’s not correct.

Is the alternate Friday off because he is doing slightly compressed hours?
As a manager I would consider flexible hours to allow the pick ups on a couple of days. To be reviewed twice a year.
Offices expecting a RTW will be dealing with a barrage of reasons why people just can’t come back in and childcare is a common one but if he can go to them with a solution that he knows will work well for them it’s more likely he will get it rather than just a blanket ‘I can’t do that’.

What does his contract say, office based or home working? If office based then they can do this. He could put in a flexible working request and try and negotiate something that may work. Could he work shorter days and not have every other Friday off?

DH needs to read up on his employer's flexible working policies. Employer's have to consider flexible working requests and so he can put in a request to do eg compressed hours, with a shorter day on Mondays and Tuesdays when you work and then longer on the other day.
It's very hard for an employer to refuse a well thought through request. So make sure he really articulates how he will make sure this works for team etc.

Round here a bike is considerably quicker than a car - and you can park your bike at racks just out side doors, as opposed to parking at the end of the street.

in any case, time to read up on flexible working policies. You’ve been lucky with an ad-hoc arrangement so far.

Can he negotiate Wed's,Thurs,Fri in the office to at least cover your usual days and then you stick to school hours on the other days for you extra shifts.

Honestly? I would say that if he has to return to the office then the working from home in the evening stops it's not his office he doesn't work there and he isn't getting paid employers can't have it all ways they cannot have a 9-5 worker in the office and a fully flexible home worker who can finish jobs off at home