Employer insisting DH returning to the office and childcare

[Hedgepond]

My DH has worked 4 days a week at home and 1 day in the office since the return to work after the pandemic. During that time we’ve had a second child and arranged our childcare around our working hours.

I work in a healthcare job, leaving the house at 7.20 and not back until 8.30/9pm on Mondays and Tuesdays. On those days he drops the children in their before school clubs and nursery and collects them after. One child is at a nursery a 15 minute bike ride from the house and one is a 7 minute walk. So he gets the furthest child at 5.40 in order to get back for 6pm for the other one. From January our little one is going to be in a preschool next to the eldest child and will finish at 5.15 so pick up will be even earlier.

We live an hour away from his office. Currently he works from 8.30- ~5.30 non stop in his home office and the logs in again in the evenings after he’s done bedtime.

On Wednesdays he goes into the office while I work at home and then on a Thursday and Friday I work occasional extra shifts to top up my income but to be flexible in the school holidays, so again he does the childcare on those days. I can do that work within school hours but DH is a back up in case I get caught up in an emergency. He will then collect the eldest
and he watches TV until I’m back… I can extent the nursery last minute for the youngest. I come back from work and take them straight to their swimming etc after school clubs.

He has alternate Fridays off and works at home the other Friday.

If DH has to go into the office on a Monday and Tuesday he will be able to arrive at 8.45 at the earliest (he could do an earlier drop off for the children) and he’d have to leave at 4.30 at the latest to get back but this will be impossible from January onwards when the pick up is 5.15. On a Thursday and Friday I would have to give up my extra work to guarantee I’d be back in time for the pick ups as I can’t risk not having any back-up in case I can’t leave work.

He won’t be able to do the hours he does now if he goes back into the office due to the commute so he’ll have to log in most evenings to finish things (he already does quite a bit anyway). I don’t see how this works well for anyone. I’m worried I’ll have to give up my job to do the childcare as we have no one else who can do the pick ups for us. I can’t change my working hours or days.

Does he have any leg to stand on for continuing WFH or should he start looking for another job? He’s the main earner so if he can’t find another job I’ll have to give up mine.

For a short while, would it be possibly to find alternative childcare. How old is the eldest? If at school, one of the local Mums you know might be able to assist - I used to do it for my friends and in return they would give me a lift to parties (as DH was often working away with the car) and took my DD when I was ill/had emergencies. Your little one could go preschool (assuming there's space available!) where DH works for a couple of days.

You do what we all did pre Covid - get childcare that fits your hours. Au pair, after school nanny or a childminder are all options.
Don’t give up your job though as that can be bad news long term.

If he is working 10 days over 9 currently, to get the alternate Friday off, he can get rid of that pattern and work all 10 days and have earlier finishes. I've just had to do exactly this and the slightly shorter days (normal full time hours instead of long hours) make family life doable.

I think employers were in the wrong to allow this working from home for so long after the covid. Now they want people back in the office. Tbh I think folk working from home have a cushy number. I don't think it's an employment right unless written into a contract.

If he stops having every other Friday off could he juggle his hours to allow him to leave a bit earlier?

So do they want him in the office full time but also working at home in the evening to cover these calls to America?

Your post is unnecessarily long. Bottom line is you need an afterschool help - could be nanny, childminder. It will be cheaper than you leaving your job. You sound overly dramatic over this. It's just pick up from school and someone to mind your kids for a couple of hours.

Not all parents can do pick ups, I couldn’t do all of them. Can you find an after school childminder? For Monday/tuesday? One who does pick up from your school? Or an after school Nanny? Some TA’s are looking for extra work.

He’d have to do an hour every evening that he has to leave at 4:30? This doesn’t seem too unreasonable. Or an earlier start and get the hour done before kids are up? I know lots of people who do this too. He just needs to be a lot more efficient at making sure the additional out of hours working isn’t regular. This can mean being better at setting boundaries in work over deliverables!

Many parents now and previously manage childcare without the luxury of WFH days. You will cope but it might be more juggling.

OP, I think your best bet would try and push to WFH Monday and Tuesday, they might be more sympathetic if its only two days per week. Dont push your luck.

@Hedgepond, asking for employment law advice relating to remote working on AIBU inevitably gets you a torrent of replies based on people's feelz not the actual law.

Your husband needs first of all to be clear on what his contract says and then, assuming it hasn't been formally changed since the change in working patterns nearly 5 years ago, he then needs advice on whether there's been an implied change to his terms and conditions. Is one of you in a union, or do you have access to legal advice through any insurance policy you have? I'd start there. That way he can make an informed decision.

With all that said, I'd still be tempted to vote with my feet and look elsewhere.

Lots of the posters on here saying it’s hopeless and you should just be grateful you had this for years come across as very bitter… It’s not spoilt or unreasonable to want flexibility in your job and for it to work around your family and your life.

Your ability to challenge it depends primarily on how valuable he is to the company, how easy it would be for him to find a new job and how hard they would find it to replace him.

A lot of people I know have had employers insist they come back in the office but all have quickly changed their tune once the employee had a job offer somewhere else and they explained “I’d love to stay where I am but I can’t because of the move to work back in the office.” In one case the employer backed down about the working from the office rule within hours of the job offer. It’s frustrating you have to go to all that effort (and potentially waste another company’s time tbh) but sometimes you have to show you’re serious and you will leave if necessary.

@Hedgepond and this is exactly why wfh does not work! it is wfh NOT "wfh when I can, inbetween looking after the kids, collecting them from school and nursery, putting a wash on, getting tea ready!" of course it does not work and people who wfh should not rely on it just so they can look after their children! how can you work if there are children running around, needing catered for?????

I'm not clear on his current set up.

Is he working a 9 day fortnight but then leaving in the afternoon to do the pick ups, and then adding on the hours later in the evening?

His employer seems very reasonable to have approved this very flexible arrangement.

Is his work suffering or his availability for meetings?

Who and how has he been asked to return?
Is his contract office based?
Can you work evenings / weekends?

I can see how your current arrangement works for your family set up, but unless he requests to formalise what he's doing and it gets approved, it does sound like your going to have to make some unpalatable changes.

That is not the bottom line... They can also put in flexible working requests or consider other options

Exactly, and so much of this is sector specific. Some people have much less power when it comes to negotiating with employers than others. There's really no point in generalising. People will insist on doing it though!

Ugh I hate some of the responses here. God forbid anyone has a life and/or responsibilities outside of work! I think DH will need to probably make a formal request via HR to either continue those two days from
home or work reduced hours in the office and pick up the remaining hours in the evening.

Sorry you’re going through this OP. I have two young kids and juggling work and childcare pick up with my DH is always a tightrope (even though we both currently have quite flexible employers) xxxx

If they’re getting the work done and to a high standard then what is your issue?

There are plenty of people who go into an office all day to faff about, make endless cups of coffee, and talk all day with their colleagues.

I can’t believe how much more productive I am since I started working from home. And the time saved not having to do the commute.

I would never be willing to take a job that required me to go in full time.

@Hedgepond He needs to read his contract. What has become custom and practice is not legally binding.
It's amazing how many people have changed their lives thinking that wfh was going to be a given ad infinitum.
So many now getting rude awakenings, all due of assumptions and entitlemnt

Umm he DOES have a leg to stand on. He can request flexible working. And they have to have a good business reason to say no. The fact that he’s done this for 4 years and made it work would strengthen his case I reckon.

Its simple you work twio long days then Wednesday from home and extra time thurs and Friday but you want him to carry on working from home incase u have an emergency? If he earns more. You seem to be working more so maybe you drop one of your extra days and you ensure with your employer you can leave work on time to collect your kids if its overtime I assume more flexible anyway. Why don't you look at child friendly hours I also work in Healthcare and have had to adjust me jobrole and hours as a single parent with no wrap around care or emergency options either. In my opinion you have been lucky. If DP wants to go for a different job thats okay but most employers will not allow majority of days from home now a days

It sucks, we’ve had a similar albeit less serious situation here where the requirement to go in once a week has gone to twice.
contractually however I work “from the office” I.e full time, so don’t have a leg to stand on

that all being said, my manager is a reasonable person and at least for now is not enforcing. Which obviously makes things awkward because everyone is currently coming in a different number of days.

in some ways it was all a bit more straightforward when we all went in, every day. If your company takes a hardline approach then your only solution is put in a flexible working request. Hopefully they’ll accept it.

For a 15 minute bike ride? Good lord. It takes that long just to find a car park.

I am a manager and I would listen carefully to my employee and try to find a compromise. Some of the answers on here are so bitter. Millions of people successfully wfh

Exactly. We should be pushing for more flexibility and family friendliness, not berating people for wfh.