Employer insisting DH returning to the office and childcare

[Hedgepond]

My DH has worked 4 days a week at home and 1 day in the office since the return to work after the pandemic. During that time we’ve had a second child and arranged our childcare around our working hours.

I work in a healthcare job, leaving the house at 7.20 and not back until 8.30/9pm on Mondays and Tuesdays. On those days he drops the children in their before school clubs and nursery and collects them after. One child is at a nursery a 15 minute bike ride from the house and one is a 7 minute walk. So he gets the furthest child at 5.40 in order to get back for 6pm for the other one. From January our little one is going to be in a preschool next to the eldest child and will finish at 5.15 so pick up will be even earlier.

We live an hour away from his office. Currently he works from 8.30- ~5.30 non stop in his home office and the logs in again in the evenings after he’s done bedtime.

On Wednesdays he goes into the office while I work at home and then on a Thursday and Friday I work occasional extra shifts to top up my income but to be flexible in the school holidays, so again he does the childcare on those days. I can do that work within school hours but DH is a back up in case I get caught up in an emergency. He will then collect the eldest
and he watches TV until I’m back… I can extent the nursery last minute for the youngest. I come back from work and take them straight to their swimming etc after school clubs.

He has alternate Fridays off and works at home the other Friday.

If DH has to go into the office on a Monday and Tuesday he will be able to arrive at 8.45 at the earliest (he could do an earlier drop off for the children) and he’d have to leave at 4.30 at the latest to get back but this will be impossible from January onwards when the pick up is 5.15. On a Thursday and Friday I would have to give up my extra work to guarantee I’d be back in time for the pick ups as I can’t risk not having any back-up in case I can’t leave work.

He won’t be able to do the hours he does now if he goes back into the office due to the commute so he’ll have to log in most evenings to finish things (he already does quite a bit anyway). I don’t see how this works well for anyone. I’m worried I’ll have to give up my job to do the childcare as we have no one else who can do the pick ups for us. I can’t change my working hours or days.

Does he have any leg to stand on for continuing WFH or should he start looking for another job? He’s the main earner so if he can’t find another job I’ll have to give up mine.

Agree, really disappointing to see the 'you've been lucky' responses. No, they arranged their lives and childcare in line with the opportunities available to them that also benefitted their employer. It's not reasonable for employers to wholesale change contractual arrangements with no consideration for the lives of their staff. It's terrible.

In my view, home working has revolutionised the amount of time with children and home responsibilities that men have been able to share in.

My DH and I both work from home and it means we can both earn reasonable amounts and split domestic tasks, and spend loads of time with our kids.
We have no nearby family support and it would be disastrous for either of our jobs - both of which we need - if home working was removed. Most people are just trying to live their lives in a difficult society in a way that works and brings some happiness. That's allowed! I'm delighted we can all spend time together without horrible commutes eating in to our budgets and time. We have dinner together most nights. It's a good thing for us.

People have contractual rights! It's wrong that all power should sit with the employer, and it's not always as simple as 'get another job then'.

Good luck OP.

I think the best thing to do is to submit a flexible working request to your employer with a proposed solution to the issue that will also suit the business.

Someone commented that American companies are often less “cuddly” which is true but they still have to adhere to British law and HR should be advising them on this, aswell as the fact that childcare here simply isn’t open as long hours as in America. They might still be brutal but they’ve clearly bought a functional company so I wouldn’t have thought they’d want all the staff to leave.

It’s worth taking stock at this point and thinking about what you’ll be needing now and what you’ll need in a couple of years when your children are at school. You could always propose a temporary contractual change as part of flexible working or a temporary reduction in hours.

Good Luck

What you on about ? til is quite common. In our place we allowed up to 6 days every three months can be taken in hours or days another friend is allowed on day a month. all approved quite common in corporate world

I think if there is no compromise with the employer DH will end up working to rule and finishing at 4.30 on the days he’s in the office while looking for another job or waiting for redundancy pay. Ultimately the company will lose out on his skills and professionalism and he’ll find a job elsewhere.

Be careful, noone is indispensable and that attitude will put backs up,

And so it should be. No one should be doing extra work for no reward and employers should not expect it. If they want to force people to come back to the office and treat them like robots then yes dead on half 4 every day out that door. No one is indispensable however good staff are hard to come by high turn over costs companies lots of money and damage to reputations

I fought this with my American company for 9m for them to review it, it's was a unilateral decision and US have very different laws, it was so stressful and they ended up giving me 1 more year of the arrangement (9 months, plus one year). We've just done redundancies and I'm the first to go.

It's brutal and until the government brings in the new flexible working laws (being discussed), I don't see it getting any better.
As an international worker, I did 5ams, and 10pms but still had to work UK office hours as "that's just office" even though my job could have been fully remote.

ACAS helped me a lot, might be worth a conversation at the very least. Good luck.

@BlueRaincoat1 yes exactly, you’re absolutely right. Flexible working provides a much better balance for family life and in our case increases, rather than reduces, productivity.

Thanks @TinyFlamingo we will look at ACA

@Wexone , this is so true.

@LIZS In fact unfortunately and sadly for DH company he is the only person who knows their systems inside out and is in a consulting role. They’ve paid him to stay on in the company while they transition to the new company (a time of change when some will leave) so they obviously value his knowledge and don’t want to lose him.

@Ninjamumonamission very useful info there, thanks! I’m determined not to be the default parent, having to give up my career that I’ve worked hard for to facilitate a huge company preventing DH taking part in family life.

No one is indispensable- if he has a heart attack tomorrow, they will replace him in a few days.

Be careful sacrificing family life to work. It's rarely appreciated.

It's evident also that this particular remote worker is not one of the ones who can easily be replaced. No doubt the company would want to replace him immediately if he had a heart attack, but an employer wanting something doesn't mean they can have it.

Know your value, basically.