Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Oh see, maybe it's because you're being selective with your hugs.
You say everyone seems to enjoy your hugs and put their arms out for one (will take your word for it) so maybe it's someone complaining who also wants one but doesn't get one.
Kind of like Chandler's boss butt slapping him as he's his fave and others feel left out 😂

How many times does OP have to repeat that she's not going to be huggng them any more, before people like you stop posting to tell her to? She must have posted her decision at least a dozen times already. RTFT

I will be honest I’m not a hugger, my parents never hugged us but I do with my children ONLY.

when I first started work 20+ years ago I found it awkward but I was young & didn’t really know how to deal with ‘hugging’ in the workplace. I remember I narrated my arranged marriage story to people on my team. They couldn’t believe that I had married someone I didn’t even know & more so that it was my first ever relationship and that’s why I added that the only person I hug is my husband and everybody else respect my personal space!

I actually couldn’t believe I had added that last bit & I laughed it off but the message thankfully had landed.

Before anyone asks I have been happily married for 30 years and no one now believes that I had an arranged marriage. Apparently we get on far too well 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm autistic, and I hate hugs with people who aren't my children or my partner.

I also would not be able to say something about it without massively overthinking that the hugger would then hate me, complain about me, get me fired etc.

I've never needed hugs at work, even when I had a stressful job.

I may come across as fine, as I will hug back when sometimes people hug me, but actually, ugh, no.

Definitely not a man
Obviously my son knows I'm a hugger (he is too) and he told his girlfriend this
The first time I met her she said I'm not really a hugger - fine, no issue we won't hug !!!

I'm just... Where do you all work? I've hugged loads of my colleagues over the years! Even during COVID (used to count how many hugs I'd had in a work day.) Even had hugs from my assistant store manager and another manager and neither of them are very cuddly people!

I think that I work with you @Ilovechcolatealways. I do not like the hugs. And even if it's not you, I work with someone like you and I bet that they think that I like the hugs. But I don't. Please stop hugging us, we don't like it.

Can't help it - I love hugs
They instantly make me feel better when I'm having a bad day !!

Noted - all hugging to cease immediately

Someone probably complained.

People are all different. Personally if someone hugs me, I really don't like it at all. I just let them do it and don't say anything. But I really don't enjoy it at all - I find it quite strange. Not upsetting, but just really weird and I don't want it.

Hugging work colleagues at least twice a day to say hello and goodbye is frankly weird - at least in British society. Acceptable in France and elsewhere perhaps, but not normal here.

I’m sure a lot of your colleagues will be uncomfortable with so much hugging - they probably just go along with it as they are too polite / embarrassed to say something to your face. At least one person (or several people) will have spoken to the boss about it. As others PPs have said, the occasional hug - say when someone is back after a long absence like maternity leave, or perhaps to mark some special event or occasion would be considered ok. Random hugging for no reason just seems a bit strange.

I don't think "most people" are. I think these days it's a minority that are uncomfortable with hugging. A close colleague of many years said of my team manager that hugging her was like hugging an ironing board!! I've certainly never felt moved to hug her, and doubt that I ever will - but these people literally grew up together working in the organisation!

My thinking is that either someone does find it a bit much and has asked the boss to manage it as they didn't know how to, or someone else feels excluded by it as you're very clearly displaying that there are certain people you value much more in the team over others. That could come across as intimidating or cliquey even if that's not your intention.

I think you just need to reel it in tbh.

I’m wary of hugging, I’m not horrible I just grew up with DV so have a thing about it. Does sound like someone is uncomfortable sorry op or maybe new policy?

Oh no, I think you're fine, it's everyone else I'm confused by! I love hugs. 😊

Your boss was right. It's deeply unprofessional.

Surely the advice is obvious? You need to do what your boss tells you. I suspect many of your colleagues have gone along with this so as not to seem churlish, but will be delighted if you pack it in.

Haven’t RTFT but either someone has complained or they’re worried about the new responsibilities they have to prevent sexual harassment by law.

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-protections-from-sexual-harassment-come-into-force

Yes which is why I have taken it onboard !!!

Teacher.

I've had colleagues in tears (and I've been in tears) but the usual protocol is to ask can I give you a hug? Sometimes people say yes,sometimes no.

I always ask and people always ask me.

Is that you Meghan?

NRTFT but I’ve had a crappy couple of weeks. A colleague saw me at the photocopier today when I was feeling fully shit. She gave me a hug and it gave me the strength I needed to carry on. I definitely preferred the hug to my cocklord boss’s response which was very much ‘oh sad times. Anyway, can you just do this for me?’ You and I should work together OP!

Jesus, woman; just stop.

Only person I hug at work is my cousin. If she asks. We’re generally only in the office together once a month anyway (and we live 300 miles apart).

I have one or two colleagues who will give me a hug. I've never, ever, ever proactively offered a hug to anyone in the workplace

But I know when John or Bob comes in, I'll get a hug and you know what, whatever. These men have known me since I was 18 and they still refer to me as Baby Noodle - I'm 34 now

Nothing sexual, nothing meant by it. They're huggers

Mind you, Christmas nights out and we're all hugging and dancing and getting on. Time and a place