Told by boss to stop hugging in the office

[Ilovechcolatealways]

Evening all

I have been working at my current job for over 20 years so have built good relationships with most colleagues
I consider it part of my personality to hug certain colleagues. I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

We work in a stressful environment, therefore some days are worse than others and I like a hug to relieve stress !!!

Today I was called into an office by my boss and told that I must stop hugging in the workplace and it is not the 'done' thing at work.

In all of my time there, I have NEVER been told / asked to stop doing this.

The recipient's of the hugs always reciprocate the hug and none have ever told me they are uncomfortable with them. Obviously if they were then I would stop immediately and apologise. I have read our policies today and nowhere does it state that hugging is not allowed and I really don't want to stop.

Can anyone offer advice on how I can handle this ???

Think it's just different workplace cultures tbh, I've worked in some where you wouldn't hug and some where it's normal. Is there new management? At mine a quick hug was pretty normal until a new manager came along and said it was unprofessional and put a stop to it

Same.

Amazing how much people think needs explicitly calling out in policies.

“It didn’t say I couldn’t get my dick out and piss against the CEO’s car, so why am I being disciplined?”

”It didn’t say I couldn’t use that ambulance to collect a sofa I bought on Facebook Marketplace.”

“Someone donated cash to the charity. I can’t see why it’s a problem that I used it to buy drinks for my team instead of handing it in.”

“I wasn’t drinking on the premises. I parked down the road so when I go to get cider at lunchtime I’m not breaking any rules.”

All real cases. All resulted in dismissal.

OP, stop hugging people.

I usually hug hello / goodbye but sometimes also during the working day

I would have lost my shit with you very very quickly. I do not want or need close physical contact with a colleague over 40 times a month. You’re deluded if you think your breath never smells.

You say you hug five people twice a day and sometimes during the day as well. Approaching people in your office for hugs is childlike and needy and I guarantee some don’t like it.

Many forceful huggers insist it’s part of their warm personality and present it as something nice that they do. There’s nothing nice about invading someone’s space to get your own needs met. Insisting that you know how others feel about it is also inappropriate and weird.

Get your needs met somewhere else.

Not sure who you are quoting there but definitely not me !!!

The thing is I wouldn't really want to be hugged by anyone at work but as long as it didn't feel inappropriate I would hug them back and probably wouldn't say anything! I think most people would really to avoid any bad feeling.

@user2848502016 Yes, I'd be exactly the same as you, feel very uncomfortable but go along with it out of awkwardness. However, as a one off I could stomach it, but numerous times a day would be bordering on harassment and I'd have to make a complaint, which it seems like someone has done about OP.

Amazing how much people think needs explicitly calling out in policies.

Common sense has gone out the window.

I have just completed Sexual Harassment training for a large multinational and hugging came up.

It clearly stated that if the relationship between the two people is friendly and the hug is welcomed by both parties, it's not an issue.

If one member of the party feels uncomfortable then that's where the issue comes in.

Maybe someone has raised it with management that they don't welcome the contact, and so it's easier to try and "ban" it totally, rather than out the person who feels uncomfortable?

If I had a colleague who had a reputation for being an impromptu hugger I’d probably keep a (cordial) distance.

Honestly, you are very literal OP. This poster isn't literally quoting you, they are summarising your position.

You seem very black and white in your thinking and unwilling / unable to put yourself in other people's shoes. Specifically you are failing to understand that the things they might be thinking could be quite different from what they are saying out loud, or why there might be a disjunct between those two things.

I said you were somewhat narcissistic before but now I am wondering whether you are neuro-diverse? The two things can share traits (I am ND myself).

I agree with a PP - you've basically acknowledged that this is primarily about getting your own needs met. For most of us, this realisation would be the beginning of an internal conversation which ended with 'hmm, yes, I can see that I might be overriding the feelings of others when I put my own needs first.'

It’s very telling that your son had a conversation with his girlfriend about your hugs. Do you realise how uncomfortable she would have been having to tell you she’s not a hugger the very first time you met? It’s ridiculous to have to tell a complete stranger not to invade your personal space.

And when people say they’re not really a hugger what they really mean is they don’t feel comfortable hugging you.

I know, right! At least read the OP’s posts, she’s said she’ll stop, she’s taken it on board.

Wow - absolutely not true !!!
I have a great relationship with her and she definitely doesn't feel uncomfortable with me... I can assure you

Urgh all that proximity to people. Can't stand PDA.

completely inappropriate in a professional setting, can't you control yourself?

It clearly stated that if the relationship between the two people is friendly and the hug is welcomed by both parties, it's not an issue.

If one member of the party feels uncomfortable then that's where the issue comes in.

the flaw in the training is that people who don't respect others' personal space, don't hesitate to launch into an uninvited hug long before they even bother to check with the huggee whether they mind having their space invaded. Too late! And the huggee is made to feel like a weirdo if they say anything.

Just don't do it ever and nobody needs the training, full stop.

I note that the OP has decided to stop hugging.

My view is that in general not to hug, but there can be some exceptions.

It’s very telling that your son had a conversation with his girlfriend about your hugs. Do you realise how uncomfortable she would have been having to tell you she’s not a hugger the very first time you met? It’s ridiculous to have to tell a complete stranger not to invade your personal space.
And when people say they’re not really a hugger what they really mean is they don’t feel comfortable hugging you.

Wow - absolutely not true !!!
I have a great relationship with her and she definitely doesn't feel uncomfortable with me... I can assure you

Which part isn’t true?
She had the choice between tolerating unwanted physical contact or telling you, a complete stranger that she doesn’t do hugs. As you can see from this thread most people would find that extremely uncomfortable.

Oh I would not like being hugged at work at all

I find it incredible that people still hug other in the workplace. STOP!
I find it especially annoying when men in high profile positions, such as politicians shake the hands of other men on meeting, but hug/ air kiss the females. Why on earth is this still happening? STOP! STOP! STOP!

I’m not a hugger. But my colleague is. I feel very uncomfortable and awkward when she spontaneously throws her arms around me or rests her head on my shoulder during the day.
i have commented that I’m not one of those people and it’s my younger sister she wants. She still does it though.

i agree with others that someone has said something because they didn’t want to say it to you directly.

I sympathize, OP, I'm a hugger too. And I've hugged at work!

I would honestly die off if someone hugged me at work, I'm a hugger but with people who are asking for one or my kids

This sounds very uncomfortable and very weird. Stay out of people's space and stop bring a creep.

I only hug colleagues who are my friends outside of work so basically 1 or 2 people. I wouldn’t even hug folks if there was a bereavement only a gentle hand on shoulder for support.

having a stressful job (mine is very intense and sometimes very distressing) and still wouldn’t hug people.

you shouldn’t be getting your physical comfort from the office OP. Sorry