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Original poster

can I insist in WFH in this situation

161 replies

helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:10

Content warning (added by MNHQ)

I work in a hybrid role though work can be done fully from home.

DC (13 years old) has poor mental health and did attempt to commit suicide 2 weeks ago. Adamant, they will try again. Loads of people involved now (camhs, crisis team, ss). Been told I have to provide 24/7 supervision due to ongoing suicide risk. Been WFH since it happened but work are now making noises and asking me to find a babysitter or someone else so I can do my hours in the office. I have no family and a babysitter for a suicidal teen is completely inappropriate. DC will not be able to cope with a stranger ATM. I have no way of knowing when the situation will improve. Do I have any legal right to WFH in this situation and if so, on what grounds? Google wasn't helpful.

I manage my workload fully from home despite the hugely stressful situation. I was just hoping my LM would be understanding. But maybe I expect too much esp since it's open end.

OP posts:
librathroughandthrough · 21/10/2024 09:11

Sympathies, maybe parental leave as you can’t give 100% to work while monitoring your child.

Original poster
helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:13

librathroughandthrough · 21/10/2024 09:11

Sympathies, maybe parental leave as you can’t give 100% to work while monitoring your child.

none left. We had a rough year :( and I need the money. I can work. Just not from the office

OP posts:
JovLane · 21/10/2024 09:13

Have you a HR department. Do you have a range of policies covering parental leave?

It might be that your WFH policy doesn't cover this, but that you have other policies that will support you to care for your child.

PlantDoctor · 21/10/2024 09:14

Have you put in an official written flexible working request?

lovelyhat · 21/10/2024 09:15

Can you goto the GP and get signed off? I can’t believe how callous your employer is being!

JovLane · 21/10/2024 09:16

Also what does your sick pay look like? It is hard to advise unless you share more details of your working terms and conditions as advice will differ accordingly.

Are you in a union? You could also seek advice from ACAS.

lovelyhat · 21/10/2024 09:16

Or get GP to say you’re only fit to wfh?

Original poster
helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:17

PlantDoctor · 21/10/2024 09:14

Have you put in an official written flexible working request?

I made a flex request earlier this year reduce hours and change pattern which was approved. This is an emergency and hopefully a short term situation. a flex request would not help.

OP posts:
Original poster
helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:18

JovLane · 21/10/2024 09:16

Also what does your sick pay look like? It is hard to advise unless you share more details of your working terms and conditions as advice will differ accordingly.

Are you in a union? You could also seek advice from ACAS.

Blue chip employer. 6 months full pay but I dont want to leave the team down. I have a niche role.

OP posts:
DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 21/10/2024 09:20

lovelyhat · 21/10/2024 09:16

Or get GP to say you’re only fit to wfh?

I would try this. You'd probably be so stressed if you were in the office you wouldn't be functioning anyway. So you probably are only fit to wfh

GOODCAT · 21/10/2024 09:20

No, I don't think you can. I think your only option is dependents / parental leave. Can you speak to CAHMs etc about the steps that are needed for your child to be well enough to go back to school/activities after school to allow you to work, so you have a timescale you can mention to work and perhaps ask for a phased return too. That way you are being realistic for work.

I do know it isn't that simple and this is purely from a work perspective. I hope things get a lot better for you both.

AnellaA · 21/10/2024 09:21

No you don’t have a legal right to insist on wfh. You could ask for an unpaid leave of absence or ask the GP to sign you off sick with stress then that might force your employer to consider proper mechanisms to bring you back to work (which could include wfh).

What support are you getting for your son from social services and GP and CAHMS? if you are on 24x7 suicide watch then it’s reasonable that you are too sick to work from exhaustion and stress.

It’s likely your income will reduce to SSP.

UncharteredWaters · 21/10/2024 09:21

Every sympathy to you with your child.

however if you’re on suicide watch, every move your child makes is to be watched, every bathroom trip, every time they go to their room/out of your office?

no you can’t do your job and care for a suicidal child.

they want a drink- you have to stop work and take them to the kitchen.
they want the loo etc…
I can see why your work aren’t happy

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 21/10/2024 09:22

6 months full pay

They offer 6 months full pay for sickness and they're trying to insist you go in? Are they stupid? Are they trying to force you to get signed off with stress while they have to continue to pay you?

Original poster
helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:23

GOODCAT · 21/10/2024 09:20

No, I don't think you can. I think your only option is dependents / parental leave. Can you speak to CAHMs etc about the steps that are needed for your child to be well enough to go back to school/activities after school to allow you to work, so you have a timescale you can mention to work and perhaps ask for a phased return too. That way you are being realistic for work.

I do know it isn't that simple and this is purely from a work perspective. I hope things get a lot better for you both.

he tried to kill himself. Nobody has a timescale. DC is far too unwell to engage with therapy at the moment. it's not that simple unfortunately. we'd need a crystal ball.

OP posts:
Doubleflux · 21/10/2024 09:25

Sick leave and liase with OH about a return WFH.

They will sack you if you just do not go in.

Hope your son recovers.

exprecis · 21/10/2024 09:25

I had a member of my team in a similar position earlier this year and I fully supported her WFH. In the end she also needed some time off with stress. I think your LM is being a dick about this.

I would probably look to arrange a meeting with her and her manager as you might well find her manager is more supportive and it's not unreasonable to involve someone higher up your management chain with this sort of thing.

The other option would just be to write your LM an email to set out the situation and then just WFH and see what she does. Given you're in a niche role and important to your team, I would be surprised if she does actually start performance management and if she does, you can probably spin it out until the situation improves

JovLane · 21/10/2024 09:25

helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:18

Blue chip employer. 6 months full pay but I dont want to leave the team down. I have a niche role.

Show quote history

I think you need to follow through with other policies to see if you have any that support you with this. If the WFH policy isn't flexible, allowing full time WFH, then this isn't the policy to push.
Do you have some annual leave you can use in the short term, until you work through options with your firm.
Contact your union for advice, contact ACAS, use the ACAS website for employee support.

Niche role or not, your child must come first at this point.

Original poster
helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:25

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 21/10/2024 09:22

6 months full pay

They offer 6 months full pay for sickness and they're trying to insist you go in? Are they stupid? Are they trying to force you to get signed off with stress while they have to continue to pay you?

Line managers view is that DC is ill but I am not (I am ok, just really stressed). The expectation is that I work - incl 3 days from the office.

I will just not go in and see what happens. If I do my work, they cannot fire me, can they

OP posts:
louderthan · 21/10/2024 09:28

The suggestion to 'find a babysitter' for a suicidal teenager is outrageous. Are you in a union OP?
I'd be getting signed off, at least for a few weeks while you figure it all out.

DreadPirateRobots · 21/10/2024 09:29

My employer has a process whereby you can request an exception to in-office time due to e.g. a broken limb, a disability, or people have had them approved due to temporary caring requirements for an unwell teen. I'm assuming your employer doesn't have anything similar?

I don't think you have any inalienable legal rights you can lean on, no. I would make a written request that is both professional and heartfelt to your manager and HR, outlining your desire to support your team but also your urgent need to care for your family. Make it clear that what you are requesting is temporary and you are willing to take all reasonable and achievable steps to work with your employer. It would take some serious face on their part to respond to you with an outright no.

While doing this, make a plan for what you will do if you get a no, either soft or hard. Leave of absence? Go off sick? Quit? The key to a negotiation is knowing what you're willing to give up and at what point you are willing to walk away.

StrictlyNumber1 · 21/10/2024 09:30

You line manager is being very unreasonable. If I were you I would go off sick and then phased return working from home. They are not helping you so don't worry about them if you go off sick.

9ToGoal · 21/10/2024 09:30

helloMickey · 21/10/2024 09:25

Line managers view is that DC is ill but I am not (I am ok, just really stressed). The expectation is that I work - incl 3 days from the office.

I will just not go in and see what happens. If I do my work, they cannot fire me, can they

Edited
Show quote history

Yes they can fire you. You are contracted to hybrid not fully remote. They have made reasonable adjustments to allow you time to care for your child in an emergency and sort out childcare. They now expect you to fill your contractual obligations to your employer.

Plenty of companies would fire you for caring for a child while WFH as it breaches contract.

louderthan · 21/10/2024 09:31

Get signed off and say that their inflexible, uncaring attitude has exacerbated your stress. In my experience employers get very twitchy at the suggestion of work-related stress and are suddenly much keener to meet you halfway.

AnellaA · 21/10/2024 09:31

OP, your line manager isn’t your GP. Your LM therefore cannot determine if you are too stressed to work. You are only “ok” if you are wfh, but both you and LM know you won’t have your mind fully on the job.

Is there no in-patient option for a child actively threatening suicide?

Can you afford to work reduced hours spread across the week so you don’t have to pretend to be working flat out?

You could put it very brutally to your LM:
”if my dc commits suicide while I’m in the office, I will most definitely be off work for six months on full pay. I’m looking for a compromise with you so I can continue to work, perhaps not at 100% of my usual capacity and productivity. If you can’t help to find a compromise, I expect the stress of forcing me back to the office will make me very unwell. I’d like to avoid that because then I cannot work OR look after my dc.”