can I insist in WFH in this situation

[helloMickey]

Content warning (added by MNHQ)

I work in a hybrid role though work can be done fully from home.

DC (13 years old) has poor mental health and did attempt to commit suicide 2 weeks ago. Adamant, they will try again. Loads of people involved now (camhs, crisis team, ss). Been told I have to provide 24/7 supervision due to ongoing suicide risk. Been WFH since it happened but work are now making noises and asking me to find a babysitter or someone else so I can do my hours in the office. I have no family and a babysitter for a suicidal teen is completely inappropriate. DC will not be able to cope with a stranger ATM. I have no way of knowing when the situation will improve. Do I have any legal right to WFH in this situation and if so, on what grounds? Google wasn't helpful.

I manage my workload fully from home despite the hugely stressful situation. I was just hoping my LM would be understanding. But maybe I expect too much esp since it's open end.

Whilst you aren't ill, the situation with your child directly impacts your wellbeing. You are being honourable in trying to continue working rather than being signed off sick.
Keep communicating with work about the situation.
Contact your GP for support and if you belong to a Union make contact with them for support.

OP just wondering who within the company other than your manager you have discussed this with? Is it a case of a single line manager being a jobsworth, or is the whole company taking this line with you? From your posts that wasn't fully clear. I can't imagine a halfway competent HR manager thinking this is a good approach to take.

As a few people have said they're technically correct in insisting that you stick to the terms of your contract, but bloody hell. Employees are people, and deserve respect, dignity and compassion. Your manager should be working with you to support you while you are going through this, not putting road blocks in your way. This is why people quit jobs. Which I imagine you will be considering once this crisis is behind you.

I’d say to them that they either let you work from home or you’ll have no alternative but to go off sick due to mental health stress - which you genuinely would be if you had to leave your child with a stranger. You aren’t lying.

I’m so sorry to read your situation op.
I was in a very similar position with one of my children last year.
I took 10 days carers leave while they were in hospital recovering and once home Dh stayed home for 2 weeks. I am on a hybrid working contract and could wfh 3 days a week and it just helped knowing I was here ‘just in case’. Once they were back to college the care plan there stipulated that Dh and I were contactable and within a 15 minute distance of being able to get there if/when needed (they didn’t pluck up this arbitrary figure, we all worked together to come to this arrangement.
My employers were very good but being back at work helped me keep a routine however this was only possible because dh is self employed and could pick up as much slack and be around whenever he was needed. He took a lot of time off last year and continues to take dc to a counselling appointment miles away a couple of times a month to keep them on an even keel.
i wondered at the time whether I should take any time off sick, the stress was horrific, but in the end I kept going. Still not sure if that was the right decision or not to be honest but that’s another story.
But you sound like you’re totally stuck and out of options and I think you do need to take some proper time off to just be. Work really won’t fall down without you and your child is your priority. The emotional toll the last 18 months has taken on me mentally is staggering.
Please feel free to DM if you want to chat/offload or whatever, those of us who have been there will know how horrific it is to be a parent of someone who wants to die and it’s fucking sickening. 💐

The only reason why I raise can you get more help btw is that I found my dc responded better to anyone but me. She probably should have be sectioned but height of covid and crisis team asked (well demanded) we did 24/7 watch rather than sectioning, she is so confrontational with me (asd) whereas compliant for my mum! The only other thing is my former employer did say that parents should be sharing responsibilities not only mum which alas happens so much (though this isn't always possible of course)

Yes, they can say you are not fit for work or you are fit for work but only with certain adjustments which they write in the note. It will be up to the GP whether they think WFH classes as that but I’d def ask

Don't do this, the GP has a duty of care and will no way endorse working alongside providing 24/7 supervision to a suicidal teen; work related stress is fine, they will sign off without wanting much explanation I bet beyond checking there's no support that would help.

No company would endorse working alongside this formally though, there's a difference between supporting colleagues and potentially opening yourself up to all sorts of liability issues.

I usually abbhor liars but in this case OP I'd definitely seek a note from the GP and just keep it broad at work related stress. When you do return they should help you engage with occ health and you could try and get some backing to get it formalised.

I hope the GP is supportive, OP. I’m also wondering whether your Occupational Health team is aware? I see others have mentioned them.

I’d also give serious consideration to the full sign off. I’ve cared for a teenager in total mental health crisis and thought I was holding it together OK at the time but our bodies fool us in times of crisis and I had a major collapse afterwards.

OP, I had a comparable but different situation a few years ago. With the benefit of hindsight I cannot understand why I did not just go off sick and obtain a fit note, and I think when time removes you from the situation you might feel the same.
Maybe for me it was misguided loyalty, a sense of duty, the fact that I physically could fulfil my role (but at what cost) and that it was temporary. I expect, like me, you are a “coper” that’s what we do.
Now with years behind me I am baffled as to why I did not accept the option which was only open to me because it was completely understandable that my situation would make me unable to work and maintain my mental health.
If your GP can’t see you for some time, they can backdate your fit note to when your sickness started.
Start sick leave today, book a GP appointment, let work know you will send the fit note when you see the GP.

The problem is that from their perspective you can't really be doing both: effectively working full time from home and caring for a sick child.

I'd speak to your GP. Remember it's a fit note now not a sick note. Ask them to write you are unfit to work in the office but fit to WFH
ask them for the longest duration they'll give and you can always review it.
I hope things improve for your DS soon. I can't imagine how hard it is.

Can you get an appointment with a private GP ?
Does your employer have an occupational health team? Often occupational health who liaise with HR on impact / need to WFH

i am sorry, of course you could wfh
if not then you should go off sick
best wishes

I can’t believe your workplace are treating this like an inconvenient bout of chicken pox. Please escalate this at work, they are essentially forcing you to potentially choose between DC’s life and work. Normal rules don’t apply in this situation and I’m shocked at the callousness of your LM.

Please book an emergency (yes this counts as an emergency) GP appointment and get signed off asap.
I’m going through similar and honestly work doesn’t matter right now, you haven’t let anyone down.
Good luck, feel free to DM x

The main issue here is you're providing 24/7 care in a hugely stressful situation - any workplace would have serious legal and HR concerns at you continuing to WFH whilst knowing these circumstances.

Whilst it's admirable that you don't want to let your team down - this situation isn't sustainable and you are going to burn out. Take sick leave and use that time to look into support for your son and yourself. The below charity helps support families in your situation - I'm not sure if they just cover Surrey, but they will help you find help in your local area if needed.

The Lucy Rayner Foundation – Mental Health Awareness & Support in Surrey

I would go around your line manager and speak to a professional in HR. However there is a risk they will insist on unpaid parental leave which you can't afford to do, and as you say leaves them in the lurch as you have a niche role.

So speak to your GP and either get a WFH sick note, or get signed off with stress. Far from ideal but the first, means your line manager isn't get an earful from some bureaucrat and the second means you actually aren't juggling. Might not be a bad thing to take a few weeks and just focus on your child, get them out and about in the fresh air and try to find out what's making them so upset.

Please don't take my suggestion in anyway to infer you are doing a bad job trying to do both at the moment. Just in hindsight you may feel your loyalty to doing the best for your blue chip employer may be misplaced. They will cope as they would if it were you who disappeared at short notice.

As i pointed out, mine did. They were very very supportive.

How long have you been at your company? I have always encouraged staff to make use of sick leave in difficult home situations eg bereavement where compassionate leave has run out. I don’t think people bat an eyelid at that. If you can’t get an appointment at your normal GP I would absolutely be paying for a private GP just to get the certification. I had one member of staff who was really resistant to this approach but was absolutely not ok to be in work and it was a nightmare as she didn’t want to take sick leave despite it being paid. She was doing nothing, being really rude and grumpy to other people when really she just needed to be signed off for 2-3 weeks more to recover properly mentally.

As much as you think you can be doing your job properly, there will have been an absolutely mental toll on you and you do risk a massive burn-out trying to work from home while dealing with your child. You will also be having an impact on the wider team even if you’re trying desperately not to. It must be incredibly tough at the moment but if you have decent sick pay, I think you’re at the point where you should feel no guilt in using it.

Surely with this type of issue, you should not be working & 100% of your attention may need to be on your child for a period of time.

Your employer may have other people in your team that have issues at the same time. Which may have prompted a request to return to the office. Secondly, things can change at work, such as additional work, restructure, new management, mergers etc

There may be factors that you are unaware of

Having been sadly in a similar situation I discussed with my manager and was very clear with what I needed. We engaged with HR point of contact,

When they started to return to school - I explained again I needed time to deal with the emotional fallout if they walked out /driving them to and from school. So needed WFH extension.

I kept up with my work, flexed and covered my hours when needed. It meant I was there for my daughter and the support she needed and also didn’t let work down - which helped me! Though the did offer me to take it as stress (sick) leave or request this at anytime if needed.

I know I was lucky to have a WFH role & a real decent manager.

I think you need to turn this round and make it about how it's affecting you. Tell your employer you're worried sick, can't sleep, so stressed you can't leave the house and you will be going to see your GP about YOUR health.

Then either get signed off sick by GP for 2 or 3 weeks or get GP to write fit note saying YOUR mental health does not let you leave the house at moment therefore you will need to WFH.

It's not up your manager to tell you how your mental health is, that's not her job role

It's amazing how work places institutionalise some people.

They would replace you in a heartbeat, and are being incredibly uncaring and selfish now.

Despite this, you are putting them before your suicidal child ( I know you don't see it like that but when you think about it, that's what is happening!)

Get to the GP and get signed off.

You may have a niche role but it is your employers responsibility that someone can cover it if you are off long term. not yours.

Have a think about your priorities, it is amazing how we get suckered into putting work before anything else.

roughly 10 years.

All the best for you and your family. I hope it works out.