Coworker snapped at the dress I'm wearing

[user1471867483]

I’m wearing a three-quarter length thin white crepe fabric sleeved dress with black ric rac at the bottom. It’s quite sheer, but it’s lined and I’m fine wearing it. It’s boho and vintage. I have thick black tights on with it and black ankle boots. My coworker, who works next door, came in and said, “Aren’t you cold in that”? I said, “No, I’m fine”. She said, “No you’re not”.
Well, I am! I wouldn’t have worn it if I wasn’t OK in it.
The dress is a bit like this:
https://froufroufrocksboutique.com/products/ent-ecru-plus-ric-rac-midi-dress
What I’m really asking is why has what I’m wearing got anything to do with anyone?

I've only read the first page of comments but I am super confused by them.

The OP's colleague took issue with the fact she was wearing it presumably out of season, and insisted OP must be cold. There's nothing to suggest that anybody anywhere has suggested it is not office appropriate in terms of dress code.

OP, your colleague sounds like a weird busybody. You are right that it's not anyone else's business what you are wearing as long as you are not dressing inappropriately.

I also frequently dress up summer dresses as I like the look, so I might wear a light cute tea dress or skater dress and dress it up with tights, boots, knitwear just like you do.

I have literally never been told my dress sense is inappropriate, most people like my style!

"You must be cold" i.e: it's too short or sheer. The dress isn't appropriate for work.

I agree.

Don't take any notice unless it's a complaint from management or HR

it's too short and casual for most office environments.

I wonder if that was what the comments were supposed to convey - I mean it does depend on the office culture and and if management deem it inappropriate I expect you'll get told.

I've worked in non public facing offices where that would have been absolutely fine as dress was very informal.

Couldn't have worded that myself any better ❤. She's old enough to be my mother.

And now we have the old misogynistic view that all women are jealous of others 🥴

Wow, now we get to the point.

Should your colleague have snapped? No.
Is the dress appropriate for your work? Impossible to know, it sounds fine to me but some workplaces are more conservative and some don't care what you dress like. Even if the dress wasn't appropriate, it should have been brought to your attention in a different way.

Because of how she’s described herself, it’s like those people who say “I’m mad me”. It’s a type, most people don’t attribute things to themselves.

So maybe she's old enoug to have a better understanding what's appropriate in your office? Especially as everybody but 2 people seem to have a similar style as working wardrobe is concerned.

I suppose it might look slightly boho worn with blue jeans and suede boots, but with thick black tights it's more of a Japanese Lolita style. Maybe that's what the colleague was hinting at. It's very little girl-ish to wear for work.

Looks knee length to me and op said with tights

I hate threads like this because it just highlights how women will absolutely leap, frothing at the bit, at an opportunity to criticise and be nasty to another woman for her fashion choices. Especially older women coming for younger women. It's textbook and it's embarrassing. We're literally our own worst enemies in this world.

How patronising and rude some of you people are being about a stupid dress says a lot more about you than it does about the OP. "Maybe she's old enough to know better what's appropriate"(or maybe she's old and out of touch?), "it's little girly"(you mean too youthful for me to get away with), "we used to laugh at the boho girl in our office" (wow you sound like such lovely people)???? God give me strength. You all sound jealous and bitter and it's unbecoming.

If the bitching complaint isn't coming from management or HR wear what you like. Loads of offices aren't old fashioned and fuddy duddy about clothes now, Christ you'd be overdressed in this at mine, most of us slope in in leggings and slides.

there are offices and there are offices.

There are. Nobody would bat an eyelid where I work. Tights or no tights.

It's a really anemic pom pom.

Nobody said all women. 99% of women in the workplace are not jealous of others. But there has been one in every large office I’ve ever worked at and the comments are almost always directed at the conventionally attractive young women in the office. We can all pretend it doesn’t happen if you want but it does.

And that anyone older is in their dotage and couldn’t possibly see someone young and pretty as a breath of fresh air …

It's perfectly fine to wear that dress. Just ignore your colleague.

Sounds very ‘don’t look at me, I’m shy’ to me!

That you're young and pretty and she's just a jealous old hag who has that the temerity to age?

Righto. There it is.

"I hate threads like this because it just highlights how women will absolutely leap, frothing at the bit, at an opportunity to criticise and be nasty to another woman for her fashion choices."

And women also seek each other's opinions and often value a friend who you can trust to tell you when something isn't working for you or isn't the best idea for a wedding/office/whatever. Lots of women talk about clothes (as do some men). OP invited it, she wasn't wandering down the street and someone took a photo of her, started a thread and we all piled in.

The question "why is it anyone's business what I wear at work?" has some answers that OP might not like to hear. Workplaces do have both unwritten and overt dress codes, uniforms, degrees of sobriety and sensitivity that are expected etc. The actual law decides what you can wear to an extent - that's why you'll get into trouble if you wander around with your bits on show or wear a t-shirt inciting racial violence for example.

This whole "bring your whole self to work" / "we should all be free to wear whatever we like, all the time" doesn't work in practice or reflect reality. There is such a thing as an outfit that's inappropriate for work - we don't know if OP's outfit is or isn't because it depends on the workplace, but it's not a crime to point that out.

In my office you can wear whatever the hell you like. Not every office states that you need to be dressed in professional wear. Seems fine to me, people should mind their business. How does it impact her on whether you’re cold or not?

I think it's lovely and probably looked very smart with black tights and boots.
Your coworker is boring and lives in the past where everyone had wear an ill fitting polyester suit from BHS to work

I think "aren't you cold" is often just a PA way of saying "that's skimpy". Or it is for my mum.

Sorry to say, I know exactly what you mean. It's only ever the odd, grumpy person, though.

I'm a typically invisible, middle aged woman now, but I remember experiencing this when I was young. And actually, it wasn't just me (I'm definitely not that special), it was directed at a lot of the young women in the office.

Bitterness, jealously - whatever it is, is a human trait, that not only affects women!