Coworker snapped at the dress I'm wearing

[user1471867483]

I’m wearing a three-quarter length thin white crepe fabric sleeved dress with black ric rac at the bottom. It’s quite sheer, but it’s lined and I’m fine wearing it. It’s boho and vintage. I have thick black tights on with it and black ankle boots. My coworker, who works next door, came in and said, “Aren’t you cold in that”? I said, “No, I’m fine”. She said, “No you’re not”.
Well, I am! I wouldn’t have worn it if I wasn’t OK in it.
The dress is a bit like this:
https://froufroufrocksboutique.com/products/ent-ecru-plus-ric-rac-midi-dress
What I’m really asking is why has what I’m wearing got anything to do with anyone?

Where i work now, pretty much anything (outside of obscene words on t-shirts, for eg, or too revealing) goes. Where i have worked in the past it has been literal uniform (army) or "classic secretary" (women not allowed to wear trousers, even the one who wore an Armani trouser suit was sent home).

As long as nothing was being revealed (thick tights and a black top seems to suggest not) then co-workers can keep their thoughts to themselves. Unless they are the designated office-attire-police person.

Agree. Many offices are smart/casual these days and standard office attire isn’t expected however there’s always some who push the boundaries to breaking point.

I really like it and how you’ve styled it sounds great. I’d wear it to work 100% and I can think of others I work with who would as well. It’s fine I can’t see anything inappropriate, what’s classed as work appropriate attire has changed over the years but not everyone moves with it

OP hasn't posted a photo of the actual dress - could be fine, could look like a nightie. We have a casual office, but there's casual, and there's beach/sports/clubwear.

I’m shocked at some of the views on here. Why does it matter how people dress, as long as they don’t have tons of flesh on display, wear something with an offensive logo or look grubby etc.

I recruit and manage people who dress however they like. Same with hair. And we deal with MPs and big corporations. They can bring their whole self to work, not what some (fashion police) people feel is ‘appropriate’. I’m only interested how well they do their job, not what they look like.

Wear whatever you like and feel comfortable in. Your co-worker sounds a bit harsh and catty. Telling you that you’re cold when you say you’re not! Just ignore her.

At home I'm a jeans and t shirt person. At work I wore what was probably called business casual. I never wore my work clothes outside work and would never have gone to work in my jeans and t combo. It's disrespectful to customers to wear some items, we were expected to look professional. ( we did have one colleague who bent over wearing a very short skirt, she was advised)
If others are wearing clothes you think are frumpy that is probably the dress code for your place of work. Out of work they may well wear totally different stuff.

What a nasty thread! Also - "the dress is a bit like this" - that link ISN'T THE DRESS, it's in the OP ffs!

Good job we're not all the same, isn't it? I think you sound like great fun!

Haha yes. Some people are talking very assuredly about office wear despite not having set foot in an office since 1996

There's no such thing as "suitable office wear" since covid. And if there is it varies from place to place and role to role - i.e. if your customer facing or not. I'm in the civil service and last time I went in a few people were wearing bright patterned gym leggings and nobody batted an eye.

Besides which the colleague didn't suggest the dress was an inappropriate style for the office (which unless she's op's manager wouldn't be appropriate for her to say anyway) - she told OP that she was too cold which is utterly bizarre!

Well if this is a colleague making the remark it’s not up to her to be the judge of what’s appropriate.
Some people have very stereotyped ideas of what’s acceptable; I used to work in a small office which rarely had external visitors and a woman who was a similar level of seniority to me and not even directly in my team took it upon herself to tell me that I was not allowed to wear jeans (which I wore quite often). None of the managers ever mentioned so I carried on!
I also had an awful boss who said “I always have a jacket with me in case I get called into a meeting” Why?! She then got told of for going off-site on work time for buying a replacement pair of tights because she had laddered hers!
I can’t see anything wrong with the dress, particularly if yours is a bit longer than the picture and you have a top and tights under it, Crack on being you!

I don't mind the dress. If you like it, its comfy and fits in with your work dress code then fine.

The 'snapping at me'. I have no idea what these means. In my mind it is when someone clicks their fingers at you.

So I though you meant your colleague did that, as in "click fingers, hey girl" attitude.

As you were though. For me there was a whole different meaning to the interaction.

This can't be the first time anyone has commented on your clothes OP? Don't people say 'your dress looks nice' or 'I like your jumper'? Your colleague is just doing the same thing, just not in a positive way. So while it was rude, you can't really go down the route of 'why is it to do with anyone else?' when I'm sure you'll have accepted comments aplenty in your clothes in the past and never thought it was none of their business. The odd thing here is her insistence you were cold. Do you have heating/open window battles in your office? I know people who run hot have a thing about people not wearing warm clothes and wanting the heating on.

I think she might have meant that the person was speaking to her in a snappy way. So angrily/irritated.

My threads and those of others suffering with mental health issues get a few responses at best. A thread about a beach dress ends up trending.

???
If OP says the dress is vintage why dispute that and condescendingly suggest she means vintage style? She's the only one who has actually seen the real dress and would know!

You do know it's not the same dress as in the photo? op clearly said "the dress is a bit like this" i.e using the photo as an illustration, not "this is the dress i was wearing"

Even in her update she again said "my dress is not that sheer" (i.e. as the dress she posted a picture of)

maybe actually read the post you are criticising first rather than jumping straight into armchair detective mode?

How have you not heard of "snapping at someone?" It's a very commonly used phrase. It just means saying something sharply.

It really does depend on the office environment to know if the dress is suitable.
At one of the big 4, perhaps not. At a media/PR type company , most likely.
As we don't know where OP is working, we can't make sweeping statements.

😁

That's lovely. Thank you 😊

Are you relatively young and pretty by any chance? If so, you have your answer.

I have worked in many offices (in London) where this wouldn’t be an issue at all, especially with tights.

Hell hath no fury like the one random woman in every office who despises anyone who turns up having made effort to look nice.

@user1471867483 confused - you say 3/4 length, but the photo is above knee. I wouldn’t wear it if it is as short as the photo as my bum would show when I leaned over (ok you say you have thick tights on but - I wouldn’t feel comfy). So in my mind, not really office wear. But unless it goes against dress code for your office it’s fine!

What is the office dress code?
That dress isn't smart casual, it's very casual. Whether you should be wearing it or not depends on the dress code.

However, it is none of your colleague's business to be commenting on it. If a manager thinks it's inappropriate they can speak to you about it.

I think your colleague was being nasty and there was no need for it. Even if she hated the dress she shouldn't be commenting. Not her place to do so.

As everyone has said it's too short and casual for most office environments.

If most people are more conservatively dressed then it does seem that you (and your nightclub colleague) are out of step. You can still show your personality in my office appropriate clothing.

But did they snap and fart 😜

Geez, calm your knickers.

I edited the post as you can see, as when I reread the OP I saw that this was not the actual dress.

Also, remember that not everyone lives in the same country. Many phrases have different meanings elsewhere. I was simply saying how I understood this interaction.

Why are you taking this so personally?

I would be absolutely freezing if I was wearing that, I think that's what your colleague was saying, she thinks you are lying about not being cold to look good. But people feel the cold differently, I'm always cold.

lt would be unrealistic to say whether something is “work appropriate” without knowing the culture of the organisation.

Further down the thread the OP states it is an office, but again, there are offices and there are offices.